Fat Jim and I could argue about anything, and I really do mean anything.
“Yeah, well, my mate Gay Pete took two weeks off school just so he could go and have a load of wanks in the woods.” said Fat Jim proudly.
Fat Jim and I were sat in the pub debating about who had the weirdest mates from ‘back home’ and during our school days. He had clearly just raised the ante.
“Well, my mate Mad Mike used to shit himself on demand when he got bored in class. He once did it twice in a single day.” I retort, basking in the glory of my Comprehensive School education.
“Gay Pete now claims to have bummed someone at every stop of the Northern Line.”
I wrack my brains, but I simply do not know anyone who has bummed people at a large enough number of Tube stations to even attempt a further raise to the stakes. My circle of friends are clearly all boring, sexually-repressed idiots.
“That is very nice Fat Jim. Unfortunately, I have absolutely no idea what Mad Mike is up to now, but I sincerely hope he is sat in some dull staff meeting somewhere, trying to force out an arse-baguette in order to liven up the proceedings.”
It is strange arguing with someone as to who had the weirdest, most unconventional background. I really should have spent less time playing sports as a youth, and more time with the weirdos at school, then maybe I would have won the pint that was resting on this bet.
Next week we are going to see who has had the weirdest girlfriends, and I think I will be getting my pint back.
No tags
billyboy · April 26, 2007 at 9:28 am
Ever wondered if you might be considered by some to be the weirdest mate ever?
Not Fat Jim of course , as he is clearly a dry wit and cad of the Oscar Wilde school.
GH · April 26, 2007 at 9:34 am
Well I’m sure that you’d win the weirdest blog readers for a pint Mr A.
GH
Mo · April 26, 2007 at 10:12 am
How many stops are there on the northern line?
BoyOnTop · April 26, 2007 at 10:29 am
Oh, I like this game, I’ve known some absolute nutters. There’s Albino Jim who broke an arm throwing a ball, an ankle kicking a football, a wrist when he took up fencing, then he became a Hells Angel and crashed his bike four times. You had to give it to him for trying though.
Jonathan was a true ecentric loon and variously thought himself Gandalf, Frodo and James Bond, and would drive up to work so dressed, then change into his suit, do a good days job, then transform back.
I could go on and on and on…
Celeste · April 26, 2007 at 11:42 am
A bearded old lady who had a Lidly bag filled with dirty knickers sat next to me on the No. 35 once.
Eliza · April 26, 2007 at 11:57 am
i lived with a girl at university who was so obsessed with cake that when we went to a birthday party of a mutual friend she stole the whole cake and cut it into tiny pieces in the pub toilet and hid it in the grooves of her umbrella so she could take it home at the end of the night-
i stole her umbrella cos it was raining and got covered in cake.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · April 26, 2007 at 1:13 pm
billyboy – Me? Weird? I am the most normal person you will ever meet (on the Internet)
GH – Oh yes, I have assumed most of you at full on mentalists.
Mo – I do not know. A lot?
BoT – I like that sound of Jonathan, was he any good? (at James Bond, not his job)
Celeste – A, so you at a mentalist magnet too, nice one!
Eliza – that’s your story and you’re sticking to it, right?
BoyOnTop · April 26, 2007 at 1:15 pm
The clapped out Toyota celica rather ruined the 007 image, plus the DJ was a couple sizes too small (he’d bought in a charity shop I heard in a moment of reality), so… no.
Megan · April 26, 2007 at 2:11 pm
Oooh… I have so many to choose from! I was going to do the albino, but BoT got there first damn it. How about the girl who spoke in a (very) fake English accent, wore floaty white robes every day and insisted that while her legal name was Jenifer, her father had her baptized at a witch coven and her real name was Pagan? Believe it or not, she also wrote lots and lots of very bad poetry.
AFC 30K · April 26, 2007 at 3:29 pm
I have obviously lead a very sheltered life – apart from one friend who slept with his sister….
Kathryn · April 26, 2007 at 3:58 pm
I knew a guy from school who got caught having sex with a cow. Wrong. So very wrong.
Some Catchy Chic · April 26, 2007 at 4:17 pm
Well I know someone who used to walk around on all fours and nibble on grass thinking they were a pony.
fatman · April 26, 2007 at 4:40 pm
I knew someone who could blow snot from his nose in a long, stretched bogey type thing until it almost touched the floor then sniff it back. Truly revolting, but also amazing.
He could only do it from his left nostril though. I don’t know why.
me · April 26, 2007 at 4:57 pm
oooh! i look forward to next week’s post.
(nothing wierd about me, of course)
Sam Cullum · April 26, 2007 at 5:16 pm
I could contribute here, but it would just have to face it – I am the werid friend.
Fat Jim · April 26, 2007 at 7:03 pm
He actually wanked so hard he made himself bleed.
In the woods.
Kathryn · April 26, 2007 at 7:16 pm
Why the woods?
Fat Jim · April 26, 2007 at 7:19 pm
ahhhh, I think he choose it because of its quiet and secluded nature.
In reality I’m sure he could have wanked himself to bleeding point anywhere?
Do you have experience of this?
Kathryn · April 26, 2007 at 7:30 pm
Not so sadly, no experience of that sort. Just found it odd that it was in the woods opposed to anywhere else.
Am trying to get images of bleeding bits out of head…
Four Dinners · April 26, 2007 at 9:03 pm
I must introduce you to Brother Gladys. She’s actually my cousin. She has grown a beard of sorts and can be found wandering around the Oldham area in full dinner suit wearing a monocle. You would have liked Cousin Patrick but he blew himself up making illicit alcohol in his garden shed.
Spanish Goth · April 27, 2007 at 12:30 pm
There was a guy at Lancaster Uni who, after 3 years study sat down for his finals but after 10 minutes suddenly stood up and said “I’m an orange, and oranges don’t do exams” before walking out.
He was never seen again…