It is a fact of human nature that when we learn something new, we are compelled to share this new-found knowledge with others. It is one of the reasons that human kind has evolved so quickly compared to say, horses, who selfishly keep their knowledge tightly bound up inside their long heads and do not altruistically share it amongst the equine population.

Unfortunately, one of the downsides of this tendency comes when someone you know learns a new word, and then spends the rest of the day trying to crowbar it into the conversation, simply to illustrate the fact that their total vocabulary has leapt by a single word.

I have a friend like that, his name is Brillo, and I was visiting him in Leeds this weekend just gone.

“What does indignant mean Angry?”

“Well, in what context?”

“I dunno, I’ve heard it, and realised I don’t really know what it means.”

“Well, I guess it is like a softer version of being Angry. When you simply can’t accept someone else’s view or feel like you’ve been wronged in some way.”

Fast forward an hour.

“Are we going for a curry later Brillo?” I asked hopefully.

“I’m not sure, it depends on how indignant I am.”

“No Brillo you feckless muppet, indignant is nothing like ‘hungry’. And you would generally not describe yourself as being ‘indignant’ anyway.”

“Oh. Right.”

Fast forward a further two hours.

“Have you seen that blond over there on the dance floor, she is gorgeous!” pointed out another my friends.

“Hell yeah, she so totally indignant!” winked Brillo.

“No Brillo, you witless retard, that is not how you use it. It is not a term of endearment, it’s generally considered less than flattering when you say it.”

“Oh. Right.”

Fast Forward another hour, and a taxi-rank conversation.

“Oh come on mate, you’ll be back here in no time, way before your fare needs to leave.” said Brillo to the taxi driver awaiting his pre-booked customer outside the club.

“No can do mate, you’ll have to phone the office for another cab.”

“Come on, there’s a quick tenner in it for you”

“I can’t do it, sorry.”

“Oh don’t be suck an indignant bastard!”

Brillo looked at me for approval of his outburst, much like a child looks at it’s parent in hope of loving approval after just trying to tie up his shoelaces for the first time. So, like the parent who looks down and sees a knot that appears to have been tied by a Parkinson’s sufferer, I looked over at him and said, “Yeah Brillo, that’ll do. Well done.”

Honestly, some people should simply not learn new words.