I like to know what my neighbours are up to, and I am sure that you do to. There is nothing worse that realising one of your neighbours has a better television than you, or has somehow managed to gain an extra couple of inches to their garden by encroaching on the path at the back.

Which is why I generally applaud changes in legislation that allow us to keep better track on those that live around us. Legislation like this.

I would imagine that if you have young children, or have a particularly young looking baby-face, then knowing that there is a pedophile living close by is a useful piece of knowledge. I am sure that the only thing worse that having a pedo chase after one of your kids is having a pedo chase after you.

“Leave me alone, I am twenty seven years old! I just have a baby face! Honestly, you are the worse pedophile ever!”.

But as with most things, a little bit of knowledge can be dangerous.

This new law is being trialled in a place called Wansdyke, and will allow residents of the borough to see how many Pedophiles live close by. Now, what concerns me more more than a town sounding like a member of the aristocracy referring to their illegitimate lesbian daughter, is what will happen when we find out just how bad the pedo situation is where we live.

What if you happen to live in a particularly rife Pedo hotspot?

Consider the fact that Pedos, despite being the reclusive predators they are, probably give as much thought to the location of their home as young parents. In that case, a popular school equals a good community to raise a child, but also a plentiful hunting ground. All I am saying is that it might be worth considering a property with a thirty mile round trip to the local school.

On the other side, God help you if you happen to be a single man who has recently moved to an area with a higher than average Pedo density.

“Hello, I am Mrs Wharburton from next door. This casserole is for you, to welcome you to the neighbourhood. Now, I don’t suppose you are a fan of 70’s glam rock? No? Perhaps I could have a quick rifle through the photos on your computer, just to be on the safe side, hmmm?”

The pitch-forks would be sharpened at the merest hint of your property purchase.

Which leads nicely onto the subject of property prices. The price of property in this country is much like the price of anything (that isn’t managed by government, EU, oppressive taxation etc.) in that it is subject to the laws of supply and demand.

If something were to happen in your area that suddenly dropped the demand and raised the supply of available property, something like a bus load of pedos moving in for example, can you guess what would happen to your house price? If 10% of the equity in your home was obliterated overnight because a pervert moved in at the end of the road, what would you do?

I am not asking for a full name-and-shame policy. Far from it. I believe that Pedos are just as entitled to their anonymity as you or I, but only once they have been fully castrated and locked in a cell for the rest of the (un)natural lives.

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