I sometimes find myself humming a tune as I go about my day-to-day business. Perhaps I’ll let out a lyric or two. Every now and then I will even put on my iPod and listen to some proper music, but, not since the days of the 80’s ghetto-blaster have I carried music around with me in a system that everyone can hear.
Which is why I have some sympathy with the trend for today’s discerning chav to use his mobile phone as the worst ghetto-blaster ever invented.
I have heard people say small is beautiful, well, apart from Kylie Minogue, that is frankly bollocks. Nothing the size of a deck of cards is ever going to make a sound good enough to be heard by more than one person. Yet still they persist in playing their tinny, bassless techno-tunes in public spaces.
Due to my shoulder injury I have had to use the Bus more than I normally do (which is not at al, in normal circumstances), and one morning this week, a chromasomely challenged youth was using his phone as a stereo. I will admit to thinking it was just a really long ring-tone at first. In fact, I almost shouted, “Answer the fucking thing will you!”, until I noticed his nodding head along with the ‘beat’.
I learnt a few things in the next couple of minutes. For example, I can tell you now, from experience, that they do not like it when you dance to their music.
Also, phrases such as, “This has got a great beat!” and “Mash it up rude boy!” are frowned upon.
If one thing is guaranteed to make a chav re-evaluate his use of a mobile phone as a stereo, it is having a man in a suit and a sling dancing badly, right next to him on the bus.
I knew that one day all those years of watching my Dad and Uncles dancing at family get-togethers would pay off. I did not realise that this day would be it.
You can try to sing along if you recognise the song, or simply dance right next to them, do whatever takes your fancy. Just do not ignore it.
My record now stands at getting them to turn it off in less than twenty seconds. Can you beat that?
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28 comments
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Mr.X · March 30, 2007 at 8:06 am
Telling them the original was far better always seems to cause irritation for some reason.
Can’t think why, it’s true, after all.
Betty · March 30, 2007 at 8:24 am
How about adding in some early 90s to the beat, a mashup if you will.
“Everybody dance now!”
“It’s gettin, it’s gettin, it’s gettin kinda hectic”
“This is how we do it.”
I am so achingly hip sometimes.
Thomas · March 30, 2007 at 8:25 am
Why is it that no male over the age of around 32 can dance without looking an absolute plonker? I passed that milestone years ago; it is unavoidable, so get used to it. The worst thing I know is being dragged up to a favourite tune from the 80’s. Put any effort in and you look mental. Take it easy and you look like your Dad dancing with constipation.
Oh, and another thing you can’t do as you get older is use phrases like “Mash it up rude boy!” on public transport – but boy did that make me laugh this morning!
Dr_Clip · March 30, 2007 at 8:27 am
hear me now.
Oli · March 30, 2007 at 8:50 am
Genius!
Death to the chavlings!
billyboy · March 30, 2007 at 8:57 am
Angry, Do you find that music today is rubbish? No tune of meaningful lyrics? Find yourself thinking,now Motor head they could craft a tune and their lyrics made sense…
Then there’s your admission to Dad dancing, complaining about t’music of today and what with these yung uns fondling their tezzies.
I stick to my diagnosis that you have the onset of middle age.
Hip you said when I alleged this the other day… that will be the next thing to go!
Jann · March 30, 2007 at 9:35 am
I’ve always wondered what would happen if another mobile disco gets on board.
Would some kind of impromptu Soundclash go down?*
*Check my hipness, dread.
S Hamilton · March 30, 2007 at 9:37 am
a) This is why hammers were invented, and;
b) proper lyrics;
Sunrise wrong side of another day
Sky-high and six thousand miles away
Don’t know how long I’ve been awake
Wound up in an amazing state
Can’t get enough and you know it’s the righteous stuff
Goes up like prices at Christmas, Motorhead
You can call me Motorhead alright
Brained out total amnesia
Get some mental anaesthesia
Don’t move, I’ll shut the door and kill the lights
If I can be wrong, I must be right
All good clean fun, have another stick of gum
Man you’re looking better already, Motorhead
Remember me now, Motorhead, alright
Fourth day, five day marathon
We’re moving like a parallelogram
Don’t move, the morning’s not a pretty sight
I guess I’ll see you on the ice outside
I should be tired, and all I am is wired
I ain’t felt this good for an hour
Motorhead, remember me now Motorhead
We have the rawk!
Dr_Clip · March 30, 2007 at 10:02 am
word up, blood.
GH · March 30, 2007 at 10:38 am
That’s, totally, like, excellent man! Wicked, init. Time to start throwing some “shapes” on the floor.
Not forgetting the classic making a “T” shape with your hands while yelling “CHOON!”
LOL!
Mr A, you rock!
GH.
Mrs F · March 30, 2007 at 10:44 am
Oh that is funny! I wish someone had recorded that and put it on utube.
Fussy Bitch · March 30, 2007 at 11:05 am
Rock on dude, yerchoon is da bomb.
Dr_Clip · March 30, 2007 at 12:36 pm
point to the point to the point no fakin’
Haydn · March 30, 2007 at 12:39 pm
A different approach, I will try that. I also find snatching the device out of their hand (after being told to fuck off when politely asking if he would turn it off) and threatening to drop it out of the window is also quite effective. Bit of a risk of being stabbed though…….
Dr_Clip · March 30, 2007 at 1:29 pm
cookin’ MC’s like a pound of bacon.
Betty · March 30, 2007 at 1:42 pm
If there was a problem yo I’ll solve it
Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it
Dr_Clip · March 30, 2007 at 1:49 pm
I have made a connection with the mind of Betty.
I feel all warm.
Fussy Bitch · March 30, 2007 at 2:07 pm
Watch it, Doc – I think she charged the last fella that did that.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · March 30, 2007 at 2:17 pm
Mr.X. – Hello. Engage them in conversation? Are you mental?
Betty – Showing your age there girl…
Thomas – I had to fight to contain my natural rhythm. I am an excellent dancer.
Dr Clip – Excuse me?
Oli – I’ll settle for embarrassing them for now.
billyboy – Boooo! I am not suffering early onset middle age. There are some modern beat combo’s like the Oasis that I quite like!
Jann – I would actually like to see that.
S Hamilton – Who wrote that then?
GH – I need to learn more ’shapes’ I think.
Mrs F – I’m glad they didn’t
Fussy Bitch – Err, thanks?
Haydn – I find sarcasm carries a lower risk of stabbing, mostly.
Dr Clip/Betty – you do realise that Mr Van Winkle isn’t a current chav favourite?
Betty · March 30, 2007 at 3:31 pm
Dr_Clip you feel all warm?
I feel cold.
Some would say cold like ice. (ice baby…)
Ha, I need a drink!
Mr Farty · March 30, 2007 at 6:57 pm
I am so hep, dude, I got down wit da homies and strutted my stuff to da beat at a wedding disco. They thought I was having a stroke and called an ambulance.
four dinners · March 31, 2007 at 12:07 pm
If I did that I’d get hit on the head. you must look like a hard nut Mr A
HobbesChops · March 31, 2007 at 9:04 pm
Things will only be getting worse as people start compete with the volume of their phones, which is always an option. Stand next to the offender play “come on Eilene” on your phone and say loadly “Dexy Midnight Runners! You kids will play any old shit !”
Brom · March 31, 2007 at 10:44 pm
Dancing! great idea. I have seen similar goings on with the local excuses for the youth of today who hang around my environs. Hmm, maybe I should try working in an air guitar solo?
I just stumbled in here Mr. A, this is a rubbish blog and I won’t be coming back!!
Muppetlord · March 31, 2007 at 11:11 pm
I thought I heard a modern Chipmunks song….sounded like they were on helium and some kind of amphetamines because they were incomprehensible…
ok..make that more incomprehensible than normal…
Pity I can’t get my earphones that loud playing Cliff Richard….
Admin comment by Mr Angry · April 1, 2007 at 8:24 pm
Hello Hobbes Chops & Brom.
Brom – You and millions of others mate, you and millions of others…
Dr Michael Anderson · April 2, 2007 at 11:12 am
That’s hilarious. I was on the train down to London and some kid was dong exactly this. I’m not sure I’m old enough to pull off this trick but next time, I’m sure as hell going to try!
Alan · April 3, 2007 at 6:57 am
roflmao……..
pure poetry… the thought of you dancing and the indignation of the youth.. at your old time gyrations….. you couldnt make it up…. we are not worthy…