The baboon is an animal that is well known to all adolescent school children. This is because it attracts a mate by baring its bright red arse. When you are fourteen that is a funny thing. In fact, when you are twenty-twelve it is still a fucking hilarious thing.

Honestly, bared-arse gags do not get old. Ever.

At some point in the history of evolution, primates decided to change their pulling techniques from bright red arses to chat-up lines, witty conversation and alcohol. This switch from showing your arse might have been due to the inclement weather, or maybe because some clever monkey invented knickers. I do not know.

What I do know, is that for tens of thousands of years, man has not relied on baring his arse in order to attract a mate. Unless pissed.

Which is why I am am confused by this apparent return to practises unseen for millenia.

It appears to have become fashionable to wear your pants below your arse. This seems like a step backwards to me, and perhaps a sign that traditional pulling techniques really are dead?

Jeans are not designed to be worn below the arse, they have a waist, designed to go around the bit above the arse, with a belt and that. I recognise that I am not that trendy any more, and a career in fashion is unlikely to beckon, but I fail to see the attraction in wearing a pair of jeans in a way that prevents you walking up stairs?

I can only assume this is mother natures way of reversing evolution, and that this is the first step on our journey back to the swamp. Perhaps it is now only a matter of time before our IQ’s drastically diminish and we abandon all recognised social conventions.

I shudder when I think that Jade Goody really could be a vision of the future.

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