My mobile phone rings, as it does from time to time.
It is 7:30pm so the call is unlikely to be work related, but the number starts with 0808 which is a prefix I do not recognise. I expect it will be a sales call of some sort, but just to be sure, I answer it tentatively.
“Hello?”
“Hello, this is a call from Vodafone UK. Unfortunately we have been unable to connect this call, if you would like to stop receiving these calls, please dial [a number I have forgotten]. Thank you and apologies for any inconvenience caused.”
The automated voice hangs up.
This is a first. I have never before been called, by anyone, to tell me that they cannot get through to me. Normally when people cannot get through to me they stop at the ‘not being able to get through to me’ bit. Then, next time they do get through to me they say, “I tried to get through to you last time, but I couldn’t”. I accept this. It is the normal way of the world.
Vodafone clearly do things differently. Being the understanding chap that I am, I would have been happy to assume that the lack of contact from them meant that they couldn’t, or didn’t want to, get through to me. I would even be quite happy if when they eventually did get through to me they said, “Sorry Mr Angry, we’ve been trying to reach you for days, but for one reason or another, we couldn’t.”
What will be next? A letter from Royal Mail telling me that they have not been able to deliver the post that I have not yet received? Or Tesco emailing me to let me know that they will not be able to sell me the bread that I have not yet tried to buy?
Unfortunately, I felt like Vodafone had given me some information, and that I was somehow in their debt as a result. So I decided to be proactive about it.
“Welcome to Vodafone, my name is David, how can I help you?”
“Hello David, my name is Mr. Angry. I was just calling to let you know that unfortunately I don’t want to buy a new phone at the moment.”
“Err, I’m sorry?”
“I realise this is a sales line, but I just wanted to let you know that I am not interested not buying a phone, or upgrading my package right now.”
“Err, OK.”
“If that has caused any inconvenience then I apologise, but hopefully we will speak again when I am interested in buying a new phone. B’bye now.”
Vodafone and I are now quitsies.
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Oli · March 26, 2007 at 7:39 am
It was most likely a scam, was the number they asked you to ring premium rate?
Fat Jim · March 26, 2007 at 8:36 am
I’m very much au fait with this approach which is often used by the ladies when I engage them in conversation.
“I know what you want FJ, unfortunately you a’int never gonna get it”
………all before I have even asked. How rude!
FJ
Thomas · March 26, 2007 at 9:28 am
I am sorry, I am unable to think of a comment at this time. Thank you and apologies for any inconvenience caused.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · March 26, 2007 at 9:31 am
Oli – I had not considered it as a possible scam, merely a glitch in their auto-dialler.
Fat Jim – rude, but accurate.
Thomas – Congratulations!! I set it up perfectly and was waiting to see who would leave that comment. I had my money on Greavsie.
billyboy · March 26, 2007 at 9:45 am
What medication are you on for the shoulder?
Are you mixing it with drink?
If not, maybe you should think about it, or try smoking nutmeg, a cheap legal hallucinogenic.
Anna · March 26, 2007 at 10:15 am
Scam, by a marketing company in Manchester. You will probably get a lot more calls before they inform you that you have to ring a premium rate number to be removed from the marketing list you didn’t want to be on in the first place! Probably also nothing to do with Vodafone either…
greavsie · March 26, 2007 at 12:40 pm
Don’t forget to text them at odd times of the night offering meaningless promotions.
Thomas · March 26, 2007 at 12:40 pm
I now feel horribly predictable. Oh well.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · March 26, 2007 at 12:53 pm
billyboy – I am off the drugs now!!
Anna – Hello. Are you new? Or one of the two existing Anna’s?
Greavsie – Or letting them know I’m not interested in the promotion they have yet to send.
Thomas – No not apologise. If we didn’t do the predictable jokes here there would not be any jokes at all.
Anna · March 26, 2007 at 1:42 pm
Nope, that Anna isn’t this Anna, although she could be the other Anna…maybe?
Perhaps, now that you are getting so popular on the tinternet, you are inadvertently collecting Annas?
billyboy · March 26, 2007 at 3:19 pm
Anna Anna so good they named her twice.
Ldbug · March 26, 2007 at 3:29 pm
You know, these automated systems are getting awfully upitty
Dr_Clip · March 26, 2007 at 4:04 pm
Re: Tesco’s I would love them to contact me about what they don’t have in stock. The problem is, they never have anyhing in stock* as they are utter FUCKING CUNTS, and we would spend the whole day on the phone. Least it would stop the automated dialler from ringing me though.
*recovering from dinner party recipe nightmare.
Katy Newton · March 26, 2007 at 11:10 pm
Next time you speak to Vodafone could you tell them that they can’t get through to me anymore either? Ta.
Katy Newton · March 26, 2007 at 11:11 pm
Dr Clip, if it was creme fraiche you were after you can always substitute Greek yogurt or sour cream.