“Achoo!!”
When people sneeze, it is polite to say, “Bless you”. That is the normal social convention. Unless you are Muslim, I do not know their equivalent to Bless You. Perhaps they just avoid sneezing to stop the confusion.
Anyway, I have checked and there is nothing to be found in any etiquette instruction manual about someone sneezing and firing, at a ninety degree angle, a piece of snot onto your strapped up arm. So when this happened to me one evening last week in the chalet, I was breaking new ground.
“Fucking hell Quasifrodo, you snotted me!”
“Sorry mate, I caught most of it, look”, he said, showing me the contents of his hand.
He was factually correct, he had caught most of it, but that did not make the small piece of snot on my arm any less disgusting. Having someone else’s snot on your arm is a million times worse than having your own snot on your arm, which is several times worse than not having any snot on your arm at all.
Snot cannot be shaken off. Even when your arm is functioning normally. So when it is strapped to your chest there is very little chance indeed of it removing itself from your person. So I was forced to find a sink and wash it off.
When I returned Quasimodo was sat in the same chair, with a clenched fist.
“You haven’t washed it off have you?”
“I will in a minute, we are at a very crucial moment in this game of Scrabble!”
He has invited me for dinner when he moves house in a few weeks. I will be taking my own food.
No tags
billyboy · March 22, 2007 at 7:43 am
Sounds like a bit of a bogey man to me, which i snot funny.
What do you do if you nose goes no strike?
Pickit.
How shall I fuck off?
BadStan · March 22, 2007 at 7:53 am
Was it green and sticky?
If so, you should have kept it for later and used it for sticking your bad arm down in bed.
A free gift like that does not come around often. Especiall one with multiple uses!
I bet you did not even say thanks!?!?
PS – I won that scrabble game!
Mo · March 22, 2007 at 8:31 am
Should have rubbed it back on him!
Wendz · March 22, 2007 at 8:34 am
I snotted into my hand recently – during a class I was giving. I hid my hand under the table until I could find a reason to excuse myself and wash it off. I don’t think anybody saw it. I hope not. It is indeed gross. And embarrassing.
Oli · March 22, 2007 at 8:39 am
Wendz, ladies do not do things like this, i shall take your post as an attempt to delude me.
Angry – At least he didnt eat it.
Fussy Bitch · March 22, 2007 at 9:06 am
This post should go down lovely with the ‘read at lunch’ crowd. I’m gagging and I’m not even eating anything.
Mrs F · March 22, 2007 at 9:17 am
I seriously recommend you never have children! If you think a bit of snot on your arm is disgusting god help you if you have to deal with wiping someone elses arse.
“Muuuuum, i’m finished” or as my son used to shout “muuuumm need wipe bum” Thankfully he’s past all that, then I went and had another one! What the fuck was I thinking? 8 years of wiping arses.
Snot…. pah!
AFC 30K · March 22, 2007 at 9:21 am
Mmmm I’m wiyh Mrs F. Snot is bad but as bad as getting up close and personal with your baby’s bodily functions.
Peach · March 22, 2007 at 10:36 am
least he didn’t shit on you !
Admin comment by Mr Angry · March 22, 2007 at 11:32 am
billyboy – at least leave some for the rest of us!
Mo – If it hadn’t been my dislocated arm, I would have.
Wendz – Trust me, they noticed…
Oli – There was enough for a starter and a main course in his hand.
Fussy Bitch – You’re gagging reading it? Imagine looking at it…
Mrs F – Yes, the snot is the only thing stopping me having kids right this minute.
AFC – It was not that sort of a getaway.
Peach – See above. He is in his 30’s. He has not done that for over 5 years.
greavsie · March 22, 2007 at 12:08 pm
Real men don’t put their hand up to sneeze usually because their head is at ankle height by the time they’ve finished doubling up and letting rip.
I’d have words.
enidd · March 22, 2007 at 12:10 pm
enidd wants to know if any of the scrabble pieces remained firmly stuck to the board the next morning.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · March 22, 2007 at 12:17 pm
Badstan – You got eaten as Spam – perhaps you should come as Goodstan next time?
Greavsie – Or ankles at head height if you’re a real woman?
Ennidd – Almost certainly.
GH · March 22, 2007 at 3:38 pm
You really do have a weird bunch of friends Mr A
Quasifrodo and his snot, James the Larger and his poo.
Is this why you started a blog? A desperate attempt to find some new friends who are able to keep their bodily substances inside?
Good luck.
GH.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · March 22, 2007 at 3:48 pm
GH – Yes, that and to meet chicks.
Ldbug · March 22, 2007 at 3:52 pm
Bring him a box of Kleenex, or two as a house warming gift..
Equine Pimp · March 22, 2007 at 4:21 pm
Did he then wipe it on what he thought was the leg of a snooker table only to realise later that his own calf was covered in snot?
La Cubana Gringa · March 22, 2007 at 5:06 pm
You own food…and perhaps an umbrella as well.
Murph · March 22, 2007 at 5:45 pm
If you take quiche with a phlemmish dressing you should be OK.
Katy · March 22, 2007 at 7:03 pm
‘Quasifrodo’ – I like it. Is he to always be known as this?
Admin comment by Mr Angry · March 22, 2007 at 7:08 pm
Ldbug – That would keep him busy for a few hours. Oh, you meant for sneezing?
Equine Pimp – Something like that!
LCG – Or just order a Pizza
Murph – [hurls]
Katy – I certainly hope so. It is because he looks like an ugly hobbit.
Katy · March 22, 2007 at 8:14 pm
You should inform him of this! If you do, please tell us the response.