Guess poster number one is Betty. Betty writes about a lot of different subjects, and classes herself as a twenty-something girl behaving herself, mostly. No, I do not know what the ’something’ is. Anyway, over to her.

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So Mister Angry is away, and he left Betty in charge for a day. Time to get Livid, people.

I am quite a nice girlfriend, I think. I am generous with gifts, time, affection, and blow jobs. For my boyfriend’s birthday a few weeks ago I thought I would buy him a signed Liverpool shirt. He is a huge Liverpool fan, and for the life of me I can’t seem to get tickets ever.

Enter Ebay.

I found the perfect shirt on offer from an ebayer called Wanker15* (*not his real name). Signed by the team it said. 100% authenticity guaranteed. I got excited, won the bid and paid the money. I received the goods, and a very basic home printed Certificate of Authenticity, which said something to the effect of: This is 100% Authentic guaranteed. Probably. Oh, and the signatures? Looked like scribbles of nothing. I gave it to him anyway.

The following Monday he broke the news. Not only were the signatures dodgy, but the shirt itself was a fake. Fucking ebay cunts. I wrote to Wanker15 and explained that the shirt was fake and I required a refund.

No response for a few days. So I lodged a claim via Paypal.

I then received a curious message from a new ebayer, Twat05 :

Hi I was shocked to see that you had placed a complaint with paypal,i got back to you as soon as i saw your emails,i did not get back to you straight away as i have been away on familly business for a while with no access to a computer.Please be assured that i take customer concernes very seriously.Have you taken time to look at my feedback to see the many satisfied and happy customers i have had in the past and present and will have in the future..Again i can only state that on the shirt are autographs NOT signatures,autographs are quick scribbles of stars who as you can understand do an awfull lot of this and in their hectic lives rarely take time to do it neatly,unless of course they are signing cheques,but thats signatures.

I replied to Twat05 to ask why he seemed to have two names and I received the following:

Greetings to you,i am sorry but you have no outstanding issues with this member,perhaps if you contact the correct member they will be able to sort your problems out for you.Good luck.

Curious! So I emailed Wanker15 to ask who the other Twat was and received the following email:

Hi, I dont understand the first part of your message,you bought this shirt from me,you are only dealing with me.

Excellent. My first experience on Ebay, and I am dealing with someone with multiple personality disorder.

Via Paypal I eventually got a refund for the shirt, once I sent it back. I also noted that the business url listed on Paypal for this trader was a site selling football shirts of every team you could imagine. With not a trace of bitterness I reported this cunting counterfeit site to Trading Standards.

Since then I have bought one other shirt off Ebay. This seller had over 2500 positive feedbacks, so I figured I would be much safer.

I was wrong. It was also fake.

Looks like N will be getting a blow job for his birthday after all.

Livid.

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