There are few sights in this world that invoke such a feeling of euphoria as walking into a nightclub, on a particularly bad night as far as talking-to-women is concerned, and seeing a grotesquely pissed hen party and noticing they are, mostly, quite attractive.
I would imagine it is similar to being lost in the desert, being on the verge of dying a horrible starving death, and with the last drop of energy in your body stumbling across a KFC Family bucket with Coke and Coleslaw.
We just knew the night was about to take a turn for the better. The much, much better.
Fast forward approximately an hour.
“How many did you talk to?” I ask of a friend.
“Three. All married”
“Hmmm, I spoke to two, and they were both married as well”
“Where’s Dave? He’s been gone a while”
“He’s coming back, look.”
And back he came, with a face like that looked like he’d just been told that James Blunt was about to perform an impromptu acoustic set.
“They’re all fucking married!” he exclaimed.
It turns that out we had spoken to nine women on the hen-do and they were all married, well, except one, but it is considered bad form to try and pull the hen. Unless she is up for it, in which case it is OK.
All future Hens please take note, it is your duty as a soon-to-be-married woman, to take out lots of hot single women on your hen do. This is because as you remove yourself from the available pool, it is only fair that you top up the pool with more available women, who will be drunk, emotional, and fuelled by the dream of meeting that special someone of their own. Even if it is just for that night.
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26 comments
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Oli · March 6, 2007 at 9:00 am
To be honest i think thats to much of a coincidence to be true, all of them married??
I think its fairer to say they all just lied.
Fussy Bitch · March 6, 2007 at 9:19 am
I’m with Oli, did you check their rings?
Badger · March 6, 2007 at 9:24 am
Fussy Bitch – That is a mental image I did not need before 10am…
Angry – Really, though. Did you check? You don’t have a self-portrait on here, so I can only assume you might be slightly Elephant man-esque.
B.
Dr_Clip · March 6, 2007 at 10:35 am
Checking a hen party’s rings…. let the jokes flow.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · March 6, 2007 at 10:42 am
Oli – Proof was requested, trust me.
Fussy Bitch – Amongst other things…
Badger – I am very much a catch, and haven’t frightened a woman during the morning after in years.
Dr_Clip – Perhaps they gave us a bum steer?
TJ · March 6, 2007 at 11:00 am
When did you develop principles regarding not chatting up married ladies?
steve_p · March 6, 2007 at 12:01 pm
I always went with the Ask them no questions they will tell you no lies theory.
maggie · March 6, 2007 at 12:07 pm
all the single women at that particular boring night is probably stuck inside their homes facing a computer…
or, (im with fussy and oli) they lied to you. women can be such bitches, u know.
Murph · March 6, 2007 at 12:18 pm
Was it a Hen-Do Temple? I had heard you looked like a God though. Budha wasn’t it?
Mrs F · March 6, 2007 at 12:19 pm
Where did the term ‘Hen Party’ come from? It’s not very sensual is it? At least men get ‘Stag Do’ Stag sounds all majestic and images of rutting springs to mind.
Or am I thinking of Boars? Rutting Boars? Rutting Stag?? Anyways… Hen!!! Just makes me think of clucking noises.
It should be changed immediately.
Duck · March 6, 2007 at 12:26 pm
The hen takes only married ladies as an insurance policy against failing to cop off at the last opportunity she’ll ever have.
Once married, she can spoil things for other hens, by lying about being married and still copping off at every opportunity.
Or meet Elephant Men and flash the ring proudly.
Duck · March 6, 2007 at 12:27 pm
Do people still say copping off or am I horribly old-fashioned?
steve_p · March 6, 2007 at 12:42 pm
I would use the term copping off, maybe I am old fashioned too!
Haydn · March 6, 2007 at 1:23 pm
The law of the single man on the prowl quite clearly states;
All women on hen nights will be married – if not they will be total mingers.
Dr_Clip · March 6, 2007 at 3:51 pm
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!
La Cubana Gringa · March 6, 2007 at 4:00 pm
Your google ad sense has a link for “Body Wash for Older Women”…I think it might have been all the talk of hens, and marriage, and, well, married hens.
I’m with Mrs. F…the expression must be changed!!
billyboy · March 6, 2007 at 4:24 pm
Married women go over the side you know. Just because they are married does not mean they wont shag. Ask any brief.
Happy birthday Dr Clip.
Four Dinners · March 6, 2007 at 4:43 pm
ran into a hen party on the last football tour. One of our single guys asked a young lass if she “fancied a fuck”. Incredibly she said yes. He was fined the standard club fine of 20pence. He played very well in the following days game.
Ldbug · March 6, 2007 at 5:36 pm
Well, “hen party” is a new one to me.
And I have nothing against taking these women off the market, leaves more desperate men for me;-)
Badger · March 6, 2007 at 5:51 pm
Angry – When you say catch, do you mean in the “trawler” sense?
B.
I Am Livid « SEO, Internet Marketing & My Life Online DeanHunt.com · March 6, 2007 at 9:46 pm
[...] Recently he wrote about seeing a group of women on a hen night, only to find out that they were all married. [...]
clarissa · March 6, 2007 at 9:54 pm
I have no earthly idea how to top up the single women pool … except maybe by getting a divorce. Hmmmm. I must not be very creative.
marycub · March 6, 2007 at 10:17 pm
as it happens i’m going to a hen do this friday in london and as far as i know not one is married… luck of the draw i think with hen do’s!
ella · March 6, 2007 at 10:55 pm
i didn’t realise you were so fussy…
Some Catchy Chic · March 7, 2007 at 2:59 am
Maybe you should go to a cooler nightclub…where old, married women do not congregate.
Ben · March 7, 2007 at 10:10 am
They simply weren’t interested.. Get over it.