A football changing room, winter 1996.

“Fucking Hell Angry, did you see the state of that bird you were chatting to last night?”

“Fuck off, she was lovely. You were so pissed you probably don’t remember what a great body she had? Or that plunging neckline? She was minted too, bought me drinks most of the night, lovely girl. Stunner.”

“Are you sure? I couldn’t decide if you should buy her a drink or tie her to a fence outside.”

“Absolutely, I even took her number, look. She was easily better than any bird you’ve pulled in the five years I’ve known you, people in glass houses mate. Trust me, she was ace.”

“Oh. Alright…”

A football changing room, winter 2006

“Fucking Hell Angry, did you see the state of that bird you were chatting to last night?”

“Fuck off, she was lovely. You were so pissed you probably don’t remember what a great body she had? Or that plunging neckline? She was minted too, bought me drinks most of the night, lovely girl. Stunner. She was easily better than any bird you have ever pulled in the fifteen years I’ve known you, people in glass houses mate. Trust me, she was ace.”

“Not according to my camera phone she wasn’t”

Once upon a time you could discuss nights out with your friends, and during the debate they would point out some ridiculous thing you had done, or a girl you had pulled and you would say, “Fuck off, that never happened!”

And you would believe it, because your drink addled brain would have erased the hideous event from your memory.

Today, that excuse has gone, and the world is a much worse place for it.

Bill Gates and Steve Jobs witter on endlessly about technology making the world a better place. They fucking lie. Clearly no-one ever used a camera phone to take a photo of them tonguing a less than beautiful woman did they?

Sometimes it is better living in the dark ages.

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