Despite appearances, I can not do everything, everywhere, all of the time.

This is why we have Experts. Someone to rewire your house, fix your car’s engine, or stitch your face back together after you called your girlfriend by the wrong name during a heated intimate moment.

If there is a task at hand, and you have little or no experience of it, then it is worth bringing in an expert to shed some light on the situation. This is why the Suffolk Police brought in Dr Ian Stephen to help them with their suspected serial killer. He has worked on previous serial killer cases and even advised fat man Robbie Coltrane on TV’s Cracker.

And this what he had to say.

“[the killer is] probably male, white, in his late 20s, 30s or 40s, and is someone who probably had been let down by women in his past.”

Well, thank you Dr Ian, that really narrows it down a bit, doesn’t it?

A white man between 20 and 50 who has been let down by women at some point in his past. That will be every white man between 20 and 50 then. If they has said a white man between 20 and 50 who hadn’t been let down by women at some point then we’d have a really fucking tiny sample to work with.

I know you are thinking, “This is a woman-hating post Angry, stop it!”, but you are wrong. I do not hate women. However, I think it is fair to say that there are a few women in my past who will be getting a Xmas gift package that includes, Stiletto’s, fish-net tights, a micro-dress and a one way ticket to Ipswich.*

Anyway, I am not an expert (in serial killer cases, I am obviously an expert at lots of other things), but I think I could add to his profile, even with my limited experience in serial killers (I have seen episodes of CSI featuring serial killers).

I would say he probably drives a car. And lives in Suffolk. And is probably a little bit fucking crazy.

That’s three more details, now we have six of them. Should I contact the Police to offer my insight?

* Yes, yes, I know it was bad taste, but cliff started it. Console yourself with the fact I will burn in hell.

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