I have joined a band!!!*

I had originally just gone to meet some people off of the Internet for a drink, but this is how quickly things can change in the 21st Century world we live in.

I was quite pleasantly surprised at how lovely all the women were. None of them were really 50 year old men and no-one tried to rohypnol me. If I had known that nice women like this hung out on the Internet I could have saved myself a fortune in trying to get them drunk in discotheques all these years.

The conversation was flowing, and that is how it began.

“I’m currently just getting my band together”, was this lady’s reply to the question of what she was doing with her days now that she had quit the Rat Race to become a full-time artiste and Charmed viewer.

I immediately flashed back to my final year at University and to playing rhythm guitar to a room packed full of eager punters, all showing their appreciation for the talent of the ‘band’ by continuing their conversations and refusing to look at me, or the other people playing instruments.

This obviously meant that I had the type of essential gigging experience that could prove invaluable to Léonie in her fledgling career.

“I could play rhythm guitar!” I exclaimed perhaps a little too enthusiastically.

“There aren’t any difficult chords are there?” I swiftly added, qualifying the situation. “It’s just that I’m not good with anything that isn’t a simple major or minor chord. Barr chords give me a bit of trouble too if the truth be known.”

She tested me on three chords, but as I have a memory like an Elephant that has spent years playing with Brain Training on the Nintendo DS, I knew them all (A, C and the ever-so-tricky D for the musos out there). So I passed my audition with flying colours.

Greavsie then auditioned for the role of maracas soloist, and gave a performance that even Bez would have been proud of.

We will be playing a kind of music that is like a fusion between Faithless and Shirley Bassey. Betty says our first song will be called “Goldfinger is a DJ.”

I believe these three ladies are going to be the backing singers. I think. I was off daydreaming of super-stardom and morally questionable groupies obsessed by technically limited guitarists by this point.

Apparently the band uniform includes nipple tassels, but I think I must have misheard them. Didn’t I?

I will let you all know when our first performance is, but for now I am still awaiting confirmation of the location and time of the first rehearsal. Léonie?

* Changed for legal reasons.

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