We had a large customer meeting in our Head Office recently. As an Important Person I had to do a little bit of meeting and greeting to the arriving hoards.

Just before the customers began arriving we undertook some last minute preparation on the main room where everyone would spend the day. It was all hands on deck as everyone did their bit for the cause.

“I’ll just go and check the room is OK,” said Tracey, a slightly insane colleague I have mentioned before.

The rest of us stood there ticking check-lists and patting each other on the back on a job well done, so far.  We looked at what we had done, and it was good.

Then it happened.

“Can you smell burning?” asked Office Monkey 1.

“Yeah, I think I can!” replied Office Monkey 2.

Now, my sense of smell is irreparably damaged after spending years with a girlfriend who bathed herself in Chanel No. 5, so I followed my colleagues to the main presentation room unaware of what the fuss was.

Then I noticed what the Fuss was.  There, on the floor in the corner, with a crystal in one hand and a small piece of burning incense in the other, sat Tracey.

“What, in the name of fuck are you doing you complete loon?!” I screamed.

“I’m doing some Reiki to balance the energy in the room and to get rid of any negative energy, and I’m also filling the room with white light.” she responded in a calm trance-like state.

I stood there and looked at her in much the same way a girlfriend did would look at you if stood in the hall of her parents house, naked but for a wide grin, and covered head to toe in body chocolate, just as her parents pulled onto the drive.

“We have important customer event in ten minutes and this place smells like a fucking hippies boudoir! Put it out, now!!”

And so she did. And she took her crystals with her. I am quite sure I have a hex on me now, but seriously…

The people around here are laughing it off, yet I continue to have murderous thoughts. Would I be out of order if I acted upon them?

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