I do hate it when people look at you like you are a proper window-licking mentalist. Particularly if you are minding your own business and not licking any windows at the time.
Last week I ventured into London to undertake some Very Important Business, and boarded the train for the journey into Waterloo. To pass the time I had downloaded a couple of podcasts to my iPod. This was very easy for me as I am extremely technologically capable, and also very hip and ‘with it’.
As I took my seat and pressed play to listen to the ramblings of Russell Brand and friends, two suited gentlemen took their places opposite me. I registered a small amount of disgust on the face of one of them, I assume because I was listening to a tool a mass disruption, an iPod.
I recognise the fact that when you look at someone with an iPod on, you might expect to see a little bit of rhythmic swaying, perhaps a bit of hand-based percussion, or even the odd mouthed lyric. What we must all learn to expect, as an accepting society, is that you are going to see, from time to time, grown men crying.
From laughing. I am not a manic depressive. Or a woman.
As the podcast weaved its way through stories of Edinburgh festivals, previous drug addictions and giving up womanising, I chuckled merrily away to myself to the increasing consternation from the gents opposite. Why could they not understand the humour of the situation? Would they rather I had thrash metal coming out of my ears polluting the carriage?
Eventually I had to let out a proper laugh, but my explanation that “Russell and his mates are discussing begging on Oxford street dressed as posh people” was not enough to placate them and they remained stern-faced. Whoever said that laughter was contagious was a lying shit.
Some people just have no sense of humour you know.
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23 comments
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Lisa · November 30, 2006 at 9:04 am
(Just about managed to repress the urge to write “Ooh, look, I’m the first” with lots of girly exclamation marks.)
I used to commute to Liverpool from Chester every day with a friend and colleague. She and I would always sit opposite each other, many mornings we would not speak until, perhaps, she’d find something funny in the paper or I would laugh out loud at my book. We’d both laugh uproariously for a while and then go back to our reading. Almost every day there was someone who didn’t know us that we managed to surprise by this little drama.
Fussy Bitch · November 30, 2006 at 9:38 am
They were right to be consternated, you were being selfish. Next time you should swap the earphones for portable speakers and share the joy.
Dr J · November 30, 2006 at 10:08 am
“I am not a mentalist” is exactly what you expect a mentalist to say. The ones who are truly not are the ones who come in to the surgery saying “I’m a bit worried I might be a mentalist, prehaps I should see a Psychiatrist…”
They are merely attention seekers. It’s the other’s you have to worry about you know.
Well, at least you know now.
The “Men in white coats” will be stopping by shortly.
z · November 30, 2006 at 11:29 am
I hadn’t realised people knew I was a mentalist. I’m afraid I listen to my iPod and chuckle on the train, but I thought I got away with it because I’m middle-aged.
I quite like men in white coats though, bring them on.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · November 30, 2006 at 11:37 am
Lisa – Hello. Books? Newspapers? You are so behind the times it is frightening.
Fussy Bitch – Could I just keep repeating what is going on instead?
Dr J – Hmmm… I am sensing a paradox here somewhere… or at least I would if I knew what a paradox was.
z – They probably just assume you are losing your faculties. That is what people think when
oldmiddle-aged people wear iPods.Ranting dullard · November 30, 2006 at 11:49 am
Its true. I was reading a book and it kept making me laugh. People thought I was mad. However, how cruel can the tables turn. I had the last laugh as I can lock you up because I think you are mad.
Dr J · November 30, 2006 at 12:03 pm
Oh yes. It’s nicely set up in a “heads we win, tails you loose” sort of thing. Gives one a feeling of total power it does…
Ellie · November 30, 2006 at 12:11 pm
That is a fabulous word ‘mentalist’ love it!
Dev · November 30, 2006 at 12:23 pm
Seat? . . . . on a train?
Obviously Angry, the trains in your area are far more refined than the cattle wagons Arriva trains send to pick me up for work.
I’m sure one day they’ll start putting people on the roof.
Scott · November 30, 2006 at 12:37 pm
The miserable sods could have taken themselves to the “quiet coach” to be with all the other miserable sods.
The only thing that bugs me more than the miserable sods, is those twats who have phones blaring totally pants music out.
Music floats my boat more than most things, and obviously if i’m listening to something then I’d say its worth liking (apart from my slightly worrying enjoyment of the kooks naive obviously, but I’m over that nearly). I don’t understand how someone gets from “oh i like this song a lot” to “hey, i know, instead of using the headphones thingy that came with my phone i’m gonna not bother because every other bugger on the district line loves MC thingamy featuring whatsit, and if they haven’t heard it yet then they need too”.
Seems to be more of a london problem thus far, but no doubt it’ll spread.
Total, total, bastards.
Dr_Clip · November 30, 2006 at 1:46 pm
Once, on a merry trip to the big smoke, a Jordy stumbled out of the tube carriage (drunk of course) saying…..
“all Londoners are stuck up cunts”
I disagreed of course (I dont live that far away), and at the time was quite offended. I looked down at the dirty Northern uneducated rascal and wished his shaven tatooed head back on the next National Express to Toonland.
But I cant help thinking, if he was sittng opposite your two “suits” maybe his statement was quite correct.
BoyOnTop · November 30, 2006 at 2:01 pm
I occasionally watch DVDs on the laptop whilst journying on the train. Once I noticed that I was increasingly getting “the look” that one gets (or gives) on the train when someone is out of order.
It was only when I was packing up I realised my laptop had been playing full blast, hidden to me by my earphones, that there was a valid reason.
Share the joy I say.
Cliff · November 30, 2006 at 2:20 pm
I am the same – “Keith and the Girl” though. Brilliant podcast.
Badger · November 30, 2006 at 2:27 pm
Your wallpaper isn’t padded, is it? Do you have rubber sheets? Does your bed have straps on the sides (and I don’t mean in the lovely Angelina Jolie way)?
If you roar like a mental, you are a mental.
End of.
Now dance for me, you kinky beast.
B.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · November 30, 2006 at 2:28 pm
RD – I should be wary of stating my non-mentalist state with people like you around…
Dr J – Are you drunk on it?
Ellie – It’s yours. Call it a gift.
Dev – I get the train at the first station (where it turns round to head back to London), so I can always get a seat.
Scott – I had my first experience of those loud phones the other day, I was convinced she was just ignoring a really long really loud ringtone.
Dr Clip – Yup, though obviously I wouldn’t use that language, not whilst in a suit anyway.
BoT – Excellent, be glad you weren’t secretly watching porn.
Cliff – That’s a new one on me, I’ll look it up.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · November 30, 2006 at 2:29 pm
Badger – I haven’t had rubber sheets for absolutely ages. Ages!!
TG · November 30, 2006 at 3:07 pm
Now look, when people use public transport in this day in age, they fully expect the person sitting next to them to whisper stuff like “Come and smile don’t be shy, touch my bum, this is life” or “you’re in the wrong place, cowards like you just get their whole body laced up with bulletholes and such”, which just means that that person is having a good time singing along to a modern musical masterpiece.
Things become a bit more awkward when the person sitting next to you begins to mutter stuff about “killing an arab”, the best thing to do is clearly to ignore the guy and to get off at the next station: people listening to 20 year old rock tunes packed with references to French literature are obviously complete fruitcakes. But as you see, this situation is still manageable – just keep quiet and you’ll be fine.
If, however, you find yourself in the company of a man who’s smiling while listening to his ipod, and then proceeds to try and explain the joke to you – a complete stranger, then you’re clearly in deep, deep trouble. Before you know it, the man may start asking you to touch intimate parts of his body, or may threaten you with violence, or start saying racist things! In that case, you can relax again as things are back to normal.
If, however, he keeps smiling, you’re either dreaming or in the company of Mr Angry, as nobody’s ever seen a real person being cheerful whilst on the train.
Dr J · November 30, 2006 at 3:07 pm
Er, no. That’ll be the “Lunch”.
A triple JD over ice isn’t wrong is it?
Dr J · November 30, 2006 at 3:09 pm
Oh, and you might have over done the rubber sheet protest there
It’s really nothing to be ashamed of you know. Still there’s a spiffy nasal spray to help get over these little embarrasments now.
Ldbug · November 30, 2006 at 3:30 pm
I noticed that attitude a lot when I was over there – which is why I did my best not to speak. People would be perfectly friendly to me until I said anything at all, or cracked a smile, or sighed, or coughed, or (God forbid) sneezed…
And no I don’t sneeze or cough on people, I’m pretty polite about using a Kleenex. I think they just don’t like noise in general, which I can actually relate to early in the morning. Afternoons on the other hand..
Murphy · November 30, 2006 at 6:06 pm
Last!!!!!!
Your site now is blocked at work by Weblocker or the CIA.
You mentalist.
clarissa · November 30, 2006 at 8:16 pm
Middle aged people know how to operate iPods? (I should be careful as I might be considered middle age!)
How do you know BoT wasn’t watching porn?
z · December 1, 2006 at 9:47 am
I am Young At heart, Clarissa. And also slightly senile.