“Great rates for Regular savers!” reads the ATM outside the Abbey on Saturday morning.
“Ask inside for details.”
I do not want to ask inside, even though the town centre is in the midst of a downpour reminiscent of that scene in Hard Rain when it looks like Christian Slater is about to get off with Minnie Driver. I get my cash card from my pocket and on the third attempt, the machine accepts it.
“Please wait while we check your card.” it politely requests. I agree to do as it asks as willingly as anyone would do, to a machine that had your cash card in its possession. I assume that my approach is unusual and people were putting their cards in and walking off all the time, hence the machines polite request.
The rain begins to seep into the top of my jacket and down my neck as I am reminded to “Keep my PIN safe!”. Thank you machine. That is excellent and timely advice in this weather.
Once my card has been proven to be a valid one, I am prompted for my PIN number, which I enter with the dexterity of concert pianist whilst also looking over my shoulder for potential PIN snatchers. You know who you are.
“Please wait.”
So I do. Again. And still the rain falls.
Approximately three days later, and after about a gallon of water has made its way down my back, I am asked if I would like any ‘other services’. This is unusual. It is a step in my regular ATM / human interactions that I am unfamiliar with. Until I notice the sign at the top saying, “I’m sorry, this machine has no cash available”.
Excellent.
How hard would it be for Abbey to put a notice on the front screen saying, “I realise it is pissing down outside, so please don’t waste your valuable time getting soaking wet as we don’t have any cash to give you. Sorry about that.”
Useless twatting ATMs.
As I walk off the “Great rates for Regular savers!” advert reappears waiting to catch out its next unsuspecting rain-soaked victim.
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20 comments
<< Automation
Murphy · November 27, 2006 at 9:55 am
Perhaps they had a liquidity shortfall.
Ranting Dullard · November 27, 2006 at 9:56 am
You could have put a stocking over your head to keep warm.
Thats what some men did once when I was in the bank, they were very cross however and kept shouting.
Fussy Bitch · November 27, 2006 at 10:21 am
You don’t sound very abbey about this?
(Yeah I know it’s bad but it’s monday morning!)
Admin comment by Mr Angry · November 27, 2006 at 10:55 am
Murphy – b’dum tsh.
RD – Can you get waterproof tights?
Fussy Bitch – Are you and Murphy related?
Murphy · November 27, 2006 at 11:19 am
Yo Bitch!
Badger · November 27, 2006 at 1:16 pm
I fucking hate ATM’s. This is why I need a regular debit card. I was in Chester yesterday, standing in the rain as you were. Dire as fuck. Not my fault if I needed more bourbon.
B.
Oli · November 27, 2006 at 1:47 pm
Fotunately most of the cashmachines around here are pretty quick, I do however have a solo card for teh cashback privaleges, that way at elas you can get your cash indoors, though you do have to buy somethign.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · November 27, 2006 at 3:37 pm
Murphy – You are so down with the kids. In a good way.
Badger – Isn’t that what the bottles under the sink are for?
Oli – Cashback is a good idea, next time it is raining will try that. I have a fear of it though as I’ve used it when pissed in the pub before, and then been shocked when my statement comes through. “I bought a round for £75 in the Red Lion?!”
Fussy Bitch · November 27, 2006 at 3:39 pm
It’s true I have a bit of irish in me but only on a good night.
Will · November 27, 2006 at 4:54 pm
On the plus side, if you had got the money, it would’ve got really wet and you’d have had to throw it away. Unless you have a wallet?
Admin comment by Mr Angry · November 27, 2006 at 6:05 pm
Fussy Bitch – * Hides Irish ancestry behind the sofa *
Will – Pray tell what black magic is this wallet you speak of?
BoyOnTop · November 27, 2006 at 7:15 pm
It is just a ruse to collect yet more personal data about your habits and patterns.
Four Dinners · November 27, 2006 at 9:03 pm
A Nationwide machine accepted my card. I tapped in for £20. It gave me £200. I walked off n said nowt. My account was debited £20. I wish I’d gone back n tried again n again. Don’t care if it was somebody elses jammed in there. If they’d any sense they’d have reported it already so wouldn’t have lost out.
Equine Pimp · November 27, 2006 at 10:20 pm
My response would be to stop being a twat and use the machine that is inside. After all, it was Saturday morning and the branch is open until 12.30.
After all, that machine was only prompting you to ask inside if you wanted a great savings rate (which you didn’t).
Therefore you could have walked the extra 10 yards, stayed dry and probably got your money.
Let’s be honest, you knew I wasn’t going to let that one just go.
Ldbug · November 27, 2006 at 10:39 pm
Because of that hassel, I always, always shout “I win” when I actually get money out…
Badger · November 27, 2006 at 11:11 pm
Angry – Bottle? Sink? What mad crack are you on, sire? May I have some?
B.
melanie · November 27, 2006 at 11:45 pm
hands him an umbrella! and a wad o’ cash…
billyboy · November 28, 2006 at 9:02 am
Abbey are a bunch of incompetent tossers. I think that sums my fellings up nicely.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · November 28, 2006 at 9:14 am
BoT – So they know I’ll stand in the rain for no reason now?
FD – You lucky lucky git…
EP – I just knew you’d be on here defending them…
Ldbug – And at vending machines too?
Badger – that’s where my cleaner says she keeps everything. I think.
melanie – umbrella? The only time a man can use an umbrella without looking gay is on the golf course.
billyboy – never used them apart from their ATMs…
Badger · November 30, 2006 at 2:24 pm
Angry – You have a cleaner? Veyr nice. Is she a Polish mail-order bride in disguise, or a 21-stone battleaxe called Helga, who does inhumane things to you with a toilet brush?
Answers on a postcard, please.
B.