“Hello, is that Mr Angry.”

“It is I.”

“Excellent, Hello Mr Angry, my name is Robert from Sky, this is just a courtesy call regarding the service you receive from us. We record these calls for training and security purposes, is that OK?”

“Well, it is Sunday lunchtime, but fire away.”

“Great, thanks. I see it’s three years since you joined Sky, are you still getting much use of the system?”

“Well, yes, I watch TV on it, like you do. What do other people use it for?”

“Just the same as you Mr Angry, and which features do you make the most use of?”

“Well, I mostly I use it to decode a satellite signal into something that my television can understand, though it does add a certain aesthetic quality to the area directly beneath my television. I’m not sure that’s unusual though?”

“Sorry, I mean do you use the recoding functionality?”

“Oh, yes, all the time, I rarely watch anything ‘live’ nowadays.”

“That’s great, thanks. I’d like to talk to you now about covering your sky equipment in case of failure or accidental damage.”

“Hang on, is this about Insurance?”

“Well, no, it’s more of a service plan.”

“So it’s not actually a courtesy call, it’s a sales call. In fact, for those of you listening to this recording at a later date, you know, for Security and Training Purposes, this is what is known in the trade as a ‘lie’.”

“It’s just to give you peace of mind that if you have any problems in the future, your equipment is covered.”

“Look, Robert, I’m sure you’re a nice guy, but let me make a couple of things clear to you. I’ve had this system for 3 years now. It will break at some point, I know this, and you know this. When it does, I will call you and ask for a replacement. You will probably say no, and I will threaten to cancel and switch to Freeview, which incidentally provides about 90% of my viewing anyway. You will say no. I will then call your cancellation department and tell them I want to cancel, they will ask why, and I will explain that after three years of loyal custom, I am being discriminated against as you are offering new customers significantly more attractive deals on their systems. You will then offer me a discounted replacement, and in return I will sign a new 12 months contract, and everyone will move on with their lives. Do you see why I don’t want any insurance Robert?”

“Er, I guess so.”

“Thanks for the courtesy call. It was good talking at you. b’bye.”

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