Like most of you, I was as surprised by the Saddam Hussein trial verdict as I was when I heard that Sir Paul’s fetish for monopeds had gone tits up.

What has caught me unawares however, is that his appeal has already begun. Now, don’t get me wrong, I believe in due process, and that everyone should have the right to appeal against any serious conviction (no matter how much of a sociopathic mass-murdering despot you tend to be). However, appeals tend to be long drawn-out affairs, with much legal manoeuvring and complicated argument building. They take time to prepare, and even longer to present.

So what sort of appeal can you mount the day after the verdict and sentence is announced?

“Your Honour, the defence would like it known that the verdict is actually wrong, and you’ve made a mistake, see? And the evidence wasn’t very good either, and you got the wrong man as it isn’t my client wot did it.”

If you can’t succeed in a trial lasting over 12 months, how do you expect to be successful in an appeal prepared in about 8 hours?

I think it is probably just delaying tactics by Saddam as he is a bit scared of catching a dose of the Deaths and so is trying to maximise his time remaining on this mortal coil. However, I’m sure he’d think twice if his punishment were to be more severe for each unsuccessful appeal.

I know what you’re all thinking. What could be more severe than death? Well, there are a lot of ways to die. Millions of them in fact, and I’ve pictured James Blunt at the very heart of most of them. So why not make the death more uncomfortable for each unsuccessful appeal. It could be like a game-show.

“So Saddam, you’ve lost one appeal so you’ve banked the public stoning. Congratulations. But it’s now time to decide if you want to go for appeal number two. It’s up to you. You can take the public stoning right now, and you never know, there might be a few women in the crowd, and we know they can’t throw very well, so that’s looking like quite a good option right now, or you can appeal again, and possibly face a ritualistic burning at the stake?”

“Hmmm.  This is a tough one.  It’s not been the best few days ever, but I’m not done yet.  You know what your Honour, I think I’m going to go for the appeal!”

“He’s going for the appeal everyone!! Let’s hear it for Saddam!!”

What great TV that would make.

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Like most of you, I was as surprised by the Saddam Hussein trial verdict as I was when I heard that Sir Paul’s fetish for monopeds had gone tits up.

What has caught me unawares however, is that his appeal has already begun. Now, don’t get me wrong, I believe in due process, and that everyone should have the right to appeal against any serious conviction (no matter how much of a sociopathic mass-murdering despot you tend to be). However, appeals tend to be long drawn-out affairs, with much legal manoeuvring and complicated argument building. They take time to prepare, and even longer to present.

So what sort of appeal can you mount the day after the verdict and sentence is announced?

“Your Honour, the defence would like it known that the verdict is actually wrong, and you’ve made a mistake, see? And the evidence wasn’t very good either, and you got the wrong man as it isn’t my client wot did it.”

If you can’t succeed in a trial lasting over 12 months, how do you expect to be successful in an appeal prepared in about 8 hours?

I think it is probably just delaying tactics by Saddam as he is a bit scared of catching a dose of the Deaths and so is trying to maximise his time remaining on this mortal coil. However, I’m sure he’d think twice if his punishment were to be more severe for each unsuccessful appeal.

I know what you’re all thinking. What could be more severe than death? Well, there are a lot of ways to die. Millions of them in fact, and I’ve pictured James Blunt at the very heart of most of them. So why not make the death more uncomfortable for each unsuccessful appeal. It could be like a game-show.

“So Saddam, you’ve lost one appeal so you’ve banked the public stoning. Congratulations. But it’s now time to decide if you want to go for appeal number two. It’s up to you. You can take the public stoning right now, and you never know, there might be a few women in the crowd, and we know they can’t throw very well, so that’s looking like quite a good option right now, or you can appeal again, and possibly face a ritualistic burning at the stake?”

“Hmmm.  This is a tough one.  It’s not been the best few days ever, but I’m not done yet.  You know what your Honour, I think I’m going to go for the appeal!”

“He’s going for the appeal everyone!! Let’s hear it for Saddam!!”

What great TV that would make.

No tags