Every now and again I get an email that makes me smile and cringe in equal measure, and allows me to bask in the anger of it’s writer. I received one such email last week from a man suffering in Merthyr Tydfil.

Take a bow Dev (not the one from Coronation St).

Mr A,

I need to bring to your attention something that really made me livid the other day.

Whilst debating with the other half what we should do with our evening together she decided a trip to the pictures could make a nice change. This is quite a novelty for me as usually I prefer to watch a copy. Despite the government telling me that I’m funding terrorism and supporting organised crime I have never to date been let down by the quality and am willing to take a chance that John the dodgy video shop man has no Mafia ties.

Anyway, we went to the local cinema and on the way the Mrs informs me that it’s ‘Orange Wednesday’. Now I’m not one of these hip, with it people who keep up with corporate schemes so upon asking her to expand I found out basically that you get 2 tickets for the price of 1 for any film on a Wednesday.

Wonderful I thought. Not being the most free and easy of people when it comes to money a slight grin started to spread across my face. This was soon to be removed however upon arrival at the cinema.

To give you a bit of background I live in Merthyr Tydfil, in the heart of the Welsh Valleys. A wonderful little town with many claims to fame, the highlights of which being the ancestral home of Donny Osmond, and the home of ‘Hoover’ who once held the contract for developing the Sinclair C5. . . . . . . . . . enough said?

Merthyr has many other claims to fame however including, being the white socks capital of Europe. (as reported by Asda sales figures), having the worst teeth in Wales (annual dentists statistic), and to top it all;1/3^rd of the town are on incapacity benefit.

Basically it’s a steaming turd of a place that I have the misfortune to call home. Perhaps now it becomes apparent why taking the Mrs to the pics on a 2 for 1 night in Merthyr is probably not the best of ideas. The queue to get a ticket, I haven’t seen the likes of since an NHS dentist opened in the town last year and judging by the crowds of Merthyr’s underprivileged swarming around the sweets counter I suspect they were the same people.

After a 25 minute wait to get a ticket a slightly plump spotty 18 year old with a damp brow and an enthusiasm to match informed me that there were no more seats left for my film of choice and that it had already started. I could feel the anger rising inside me.

Of course its started. It hadn’t started 25 f#ck’n minutes ago when I arrived though had it!

Realising it was probably not best to make a scene in front of the Mrs I calmly withdrew and opted for a second choice film. Despite being pretty hungry getting near the refreshment stand was never going to be a feasible option as the crowds resembled a cross between Hillsborough and one of those Red Cross vans dropping off bags of rice in 3^rd world countries.

Hungry and slightly miffed that I wasn’t seeing my first choice film I wandered into the seating area. Then preceded to find two lovely seats (about 2 rows from the front) which seemed to be all that were left. After squeezing past a group of rowdy teens we managed to find our seats and settled down to enjoy the film. Or so I thought. Half hour after finding our seats I’m still sat there watching bloody adverts. You know, the usual drivel, “don’t smoke / use the bins / why not visit our refreshments centre (and pay 3 times what you would in the shop round the corner), etc, etc”.

Anyway, that’s the last bloody time I ever go to the pictures!

Dev (not from Coronation St)

So, I have cancelled my weekend in Wales, and you should all feel free to write in to me (mr.angry@NOSPAMiamlivid.com) and tell me just how wonderful it is where you live.

No tags