I told you recently about how I have become a technical “go to” guy for my friends. Well, I wouldn’t want you to get the wrong impression about me, as I also have quite a bit of brawn to go with these brains.
Which is why Amy, she of the not-very-online online account opening experience asked a favour of me by MSN messenger.
“Are you free to lend me some muscle tonight?”
Of course, I was wise to this shameless ploy to massage my male ego, but I decided to help her anyway because I am a nice person. With lots of manly muscles.
“Sure, what do you need?”
“I’ve bought a running machine and need some help getting it upstairs.”
Ha! The feeble girl cannot lift a little bit of exercise equipment! Oh the irony! I did not point this out though, as that would be cruel and uncaring, plus she has an extremely violent temper and access to lots of knives.
“Sure, no problem, I’ll pop round after work.”
I made my way round expecting to leave the engine running for what could obviously be no more than a two minute job. Upon entering her front room however, I changed my opinion, as I was confronted by a box big enough to house a Somalian family of ten. At first I thought it was a cardboard garage. Alas, no, it was the running machine.
“It’s really quite heavy, I told you.” she said whilst watching me try and move the box just an inch in any direction.
“Would you like a cold drink?” she continued whilst I got redder and redder in the face.
I began to suspect that perhaps the box did in fact contain a Somalian family of ten and so looked at the packaging for clarification, where it read, “Team lift only” right next to the sign that said 129kg.
I am not very good at converting weights, but I think 129kg equals one very fat fucking bastard.
It took me and my flatmate 30 minutes of extensive “To me, to you, to you, to me” Chuckle Brother type hilarity (for Amy), lots of sweating, heaving and red faces (for me and flatmate) before finally getting it into the spare bedroom.
If she ever moves house she’s going to have to leave it where it is.
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AFC 30K · October 26, 2006 at 8:33 am
129KG – H&S dictates one man should lift no more than 25KG…….
So if you end up with a bad back will she massage it better for you
Oli · October 26, 2006 at 8:38 am
Never trust a woman who wants something.
Murphy · October 26, 2006 at 9:57 am
Did Amy stand ther saying “Coooeee, Mr Shifter!!!”.?
TJ · October 26, 2006 at 10:07 am
Can I revert your attention to ‘Doing a favour for a friend #1′?
I am still internet-less at home. As your muscles are probably gubbed, I only want you for your brain!
I’m sure you have heard that lots??????
Admin comment by Mr Angry · October 26, 2006 at 10:31 am
AFC – She actually had massage lessons a few years ago, but I don’t fancy my chances…
Oli – That sentence is three words too long
Murphy – It was more a case of, “Mind the door frame” and “Don’t scratch the walls wit hit!”
TJ – Like I’ve said before, it was working when I left, I can’t be held responsible for user
stupidityerror.Léonie · October 26, 2006 at 10:35 am
Are you sure your friends really like you for you? It sounds suspiciously like they keep you close because you are good at lending muscle/plugging stuff in.
My shoes are undone. Come quick.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · October 26, 2006 at 10:42 am
Léonie – I do have my suspicions. And they all wear Velcro fastening shoes now, at my insistence.
TJ · October 26, 2006 at 10:44 am
For the record, Mr A doesn’t mention all the favours we do for him.
Léonie · October 26, 2006 at 10:57 am
He saves that for his other website, right?
http://www.mrangrywithaonetrackmind.com
TJ · October 26, 2006 at 11:20 am
You got that right. His friendship has a limit!
Admin comment by Mr Angry · October 26, 2006 at 12:07 pm
TJ – For the record, when they do some, I’ll mention them.
Léonie – I have decided I will join the sex-blog set soon enough, probably when I start having some.
TJ – Everyone, she admitted she was a friend!!
greavsie · October 26, 2006 at 12:48 pm
Were you covered in man-dew at the end?
z · October 26, 2006 at 1:28 pm
She should have taken the phone number of the deliveryman.
BoyOnTop · October 26, 2006 at 1:29 pm
That which does not kill us makes us stronger.
It didn’t kill you, so feeling a bit more muscle mass after?
Admin comment by Mr Angry · October 26, 2006 at 2:23 pm
greavsie – positively glistening in the stuff
z – you know, with hindsight I have no idea why she didn’t say to them, “If you could just pop it upstairs into the spare bedroom that’ll be fine!”
BoT – Oh yes, I’m like a desk-bound He-Man.
Ldbug · October 26, 2006 at 4:26 pm
Ha! Seen that process when I moved in to my place now. The people beneath us had two poor skinny guys manouver one of those things down two flights.
‘Course, it was about that same time that my roommate and I (I’m the tallest at 5′3”, and weigh the most at 125lbs) were huffing up and down three flights with bed- frames/couch/tables/heavy ass shit.
I think they laughed harder at us….
Author comment by Amy · October 26, 2006 at 4:55 pm
The delivery men wouldn’t take it upstairs. They said it was too heavy for them. (They were both 6′2″).
Admin comment by Mr Angry · October 26, 2006 at 5:05 pm
Ldbug – This one is massive. It’s like the ones in the gym.
Amy – So two massive professional movers-of-heavy-stuff said it was too heavy for them, and then you contact me?
Thanks for that…
Ldbug · October 26, 2006 at 5:42 pm
Aw, Angry, that just means Amy thought you were more of a man then those guys;-)
Equine Pimp · October 26, 2006 at 8:27 pm
Angry – Amy thought you were more of a man than two muscle bound 6′2 blokes. Was it an exceptional tight t-shirt you were wearing that day?
Simon · October 26, 2006 at 8:32 pm
Haha. Men are really only on this planet as lifting (add – reaching, screwing, unscrewing, hammering, starting, pushing… etc) machines.
Ldbug · October 26, 2006 at 8:50 pm
Heh, screwing…
Admin comment by Mr Angry · October 26, 2006 at 9:19 pm
Ldbug – Yes. Obviously.
EP – The guns were breaking loose…
Simon – This is why we are born with B&Q loyalty cards.
Ldbug – of jars, obviously.
Ldbug · October 26, 2006 at 9:33 pm
Obviously *innocent face*
Ahh, bored at work today..hence so many comments! 30min to go……
sooz · October 26, 2006 at 11:18 pm
Hmmmm.. I don’t think it’s a running machine at all. I think it’s one of those ‘real dolls’ and you’ve just helped him up the stairs!
Admin comment by Mr Angry · October 27, 2006 at 8:52 am
Ldbug – feel free to pass the time here…
sooz – I doubt it, unless she has a fetish for really fat men. That look like a running machine.