I told you recently about how I have become a technical “go to” guy for my friends. Well, I wouldn’t want you to get the wrong impression about me, as I also have quite a bit of brawn to go with these brains.

Which is why Amy, she of the not-very-online online account opening experience asked a favour of me by MSN messenger.

“Are you free to lend me some muscle tonight?”

Of course, I was wise to this shameless ploy to massage my male ego, but I decided to help her anyway because I am a nice person. With lots of manly muscles.

“Sure, what do you need?”

“I’ve bought a running machine and need some help getting it upstairs.”

Ha! The feeble girl cannot lift a little bit of exercise equipment! Oh the irony! I did not point this out though, as that would be cruel and uncaring, plus she has an extremely violent temper and access to lots of knives.

“Sure, no problem, I’ll pop round after work.”

I made my way round expecting to leave the engine running for what could obviously be no more than a two minute job. Upon entering her front room however, I changed my opinion, as I was confronted by a box big enough to house a Somalian family of ten. At first I thought it was a cardboard garage. Alas, no, it was the running machine.

“It’s really quite heavy, I told you.” she said whilst watching me try and move the box just an inch in any direction.

“Would you like a cold drink?” she continued whilst I got redder and redder in the face.

I began to suspect that perhaps the box did in fact contain a Somalian family of ten and so looked at the packaging for clarification, where it read, “Team lift only” right next to the sign that said 129kg.

I am not very good at converting weights, but I think 129kg equals one very fat fucking bastard.

It took me and my flatmate 30 minutes of extensive “To me, to you, to you, to me” Chuckle Brother type hilarity (for Amy), lots of sweating, heaving and red faces (for me and flatmate) before finally getting it into the spare bedroom.

If she ever moves house she’s going to have to leave it where it is.

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