As part of a recent rock’n'roll weekend, I had Saturday night ‘in’ with some beers and a DVD. I wandered to my local DVD outlet (not a Blockbuster, as other DVD retail outlets are available), to browse the current selection.

I like films, I always have done. When I was student I worked as a projectionist in my local cinema, so have always had a natural affinity to the film industry, I’m sure that it is just bad luck that has prevented me becoming a global megastar. As a result I eagerly anticipate new films, and very much like to see what is available.

The store has an area titled, “New Releases”. Which I think is pretty self explanatory. If it’s been released in the near past, it will be here. Or so I thought.

“Hi, I wondered if you could tell me where the new releases are please?” I asked the young lady behind the counter.

“They’re over there on that wall,” she replied not looking up from her Hello magazine.

“Err, no, actually, that’s just about every film you have, what I’m specifically looking for are the new releases.”

“They’re all over there”

“Mixed in with everything?”

“Yes”

“You do realise that you’ve got copies of Mr & Mrs Smith, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, and Scary Movie 3. All of which have been out for over 18 months. This is not Newly released.”

“Well it’s all relative isn’t it?”

“Relative in what timeframe? Compared to human evolution? The age of the Bible? The time it’ll take you to read that magazine?”

“No need to get Sarky, if you want something just ask.”

“That’s the point, I don’t know what I want, I just want to browse what new films are out now without having to look at every single DVD you have.”

“Well, they’re all over there on that wall.”

“OK, I want to look at the classics section, you know, films that aren’t Newly Released. Where might I find those, or would they also be ‘over there on that wall’?”

“They’re over there on that wall.”

Needless to say I watched Sky that night and drank myself into a stupor.

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