The country has gone fucking mental whilst I’ve been away.

A blind man, Omed Aziz, has been given a 12 week suspended prison sentence for driving a car whilst uninsured.

Yes. He is blind. In that there are no fucking eyes in his head. And he can’t see things like other cars, the road, or innocent pedestrians. His excuse when arrested? His passenger was banned from driving, so they decided it was better that he was guided by voice than let his banned friend drive.

What he lacks in eyes though, he more than makes up for in cajónes, as the empty-socketed twat had the temerity to plead not guilty to dangerous driving! The cheeky fucktard!

Now, you might think I was going to post about how completely retarded you have to be to let a man with no eyes drive you home. Alas, you will be disappointed. What drew my attention to this story more than anything is the eyeless mans sentence.

Firstly, he has been banned from driving for three years.

Let us think this through. I do not think you can regrow your eyes, can you? They are not like toenails, penises, or ears on the back of mice. I would imagine it’s pretty much a nailed on certainty that in three years time he will still have two holes in his head where his eyes should be. Why not ban him for an appropriate time, like, er, infinity, or when his eyes grow back, whichever comes first?

Banning him for three years is bad enough, but here’s the kicker. After the three-year ban has been served, he has been ordered to take an extended driving test. I for one would pay good money to watch that test, but not from the roadside, obviously. That would be ridiculous, and possibly dangerous.  Plus, in cases like this public safety is paramount so the police will probably clear the street first.  Anyway, I would much rather watch from the safety of my sofa.  Surely there’s a reality TV show in there somewhere?

There was also a delay to the proceedings as he was deemed to be wearing an offensive t-shirt and was told to take it off. I can only hope this was a practical joke from one of his full-sighted friends, sending him in with a t-shirt bearing the slogan, “Judges Are All Cunts”. It’s a joke so brilliant it’s almost worth poking Fat Jims eyes out for.

You can read the full story, in all it’s glory, here at the BBC, as I know some of you are doubting it’s veracity.

Joke for the day: What’s the definition of endless love? A Tennis match between David Blunkett and Omed Aziz.

I thank you, you’ve been a wonderful audience.

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