Our planet is beset with problems from top to bottom, from the east to the west, from the grim north to as far South as Watford Gap.
Sometimes I like to think of ways I could improve the lives of the people I have to share my air with, and every now and again I strike upon an idea so brilliant in it’s simplicity, that I am stunned it has not been implemented before.
For example, did you know that there are now more clinically obese people on this planet than starving ones? I didn’t. To me this suggests a simple solution that I’ve called, “The Obesity Exchange”.
This will give our planet the perfect opportunity to balance out the fat and the starving, and show that we really are just one happy global family.
If you recall your childhood, some of you will remember having some sort of exchange programme with a student from abroad, probably France. If you’re like me, this will have done nothing for you except provide some amusing anecdotes about being force fed horse meat and meeting school-girls with hairy armpits.
Anyway, instead of swapping your overweight child with a family of garlic smelling surrender-monkeys, why not send them to a remote village in Ethiopia for the summer? They will get to eat a few less chocolate bars, walk several miles a day for water instead of sitting playing his XBox, and will probably make some good friends. Plus, with a bit of luck, they might contract a minor shitting disease and lose a few more of those troublesome pounds.
In return, you would get sent a skinny African child who you can fatten up over the summer so they don’t get some horrendous life-threatening disease like scurvy or man-flu. You can also introduce them to the true wonders of the First World like medicine, iPods, and YouTube.
In summary, your kid gets a nice tan and loses a couple of inches of flab, and you get to do something good for the underprivileged.
This is a stone cold winner, surely?
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21 comments
<< Distruptists
DC · August 31, 2006 at 9:25 am
An alternative would be to make it compulsory for them to spend 6 hours a day on a cycling machine. Hook the machines up to the national grid and hey presto non-polluting sustainable energy.
Dido · August 31, 2006 at 9:39 am
excellent idea – you should receive an award for that one!
Murphy · August 31, 2006 at 9:45 am
The horsemeat and hairy armpits thing… are you sure you weren’t just in the Oxford Street Macdonalds?
Banana · August 31, 2006 at 9:57 am
You should be ambassador for UNICEF. Great idea.
TJ · August 31, 2006 at 10:29 am
Sometimes, I am astounded by your brilliance! It also means I don’t have to listen to Geldof bleating on.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · August 31, 2006 at 10:32 am
DC – Hmmm… this idea also has potential I feel
Dido – Perhaps I could have one of your gold discs?
Murphy – I’ve never been to the 7th circle of hell, sorry.
Banana – Will I get to spend time with Angelina Jolie if I do?
TJ – I also promise to bath ocassionally
BoyOnTop · August 31, 2006 at 10:49 am
Problem is obese children oft have obese parents. Make it a family exchange and make it mandatory I say.
Run for parliament mate, you’ll have my vote.
Miss Ell · August 31, 2006 at 11:20 am
You should get this idea commissioned as a TV show. I reckon this time next year we will be watching fat kids getting sunburned, and attempting to eat the limbs of their newly adopted family.
I wouldn’t normally reply to a blog whatsit, but it takes my mind off Mr Bullshit in my office. We are currently being entertained with a story about him meeting a Sheikh and being given a race horse.
I swear, if I told him I had seen a UFO, he would have been flying the fucking thing.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · August 31, 2006 at 11:32 am
BoT – a bit like Wife-Swap you mean?
Miss Ell – hello, I miss catching up on your goings on at Southfork. I also have a friend a bit like that, his name is Bill
Miss Ell · August 31, 2006 at 11:36 am
Mr Angry – Southfork??
Admin comment by Mr Angry · August 31, 2006 at 11:57 am
Miss Ell – It is OK, I will not reveal your true age. Do you still keep in touch with Bobby and JR? I’m sure recent oil price rises have meant a few more pennies on the value of your Ewing Oil shares as well.
Dido first, and now a bona-fide TV star. I am blessed.
Celeste · August 31, 2006 at 12:09 pm
I love this plan.
Fat kids really anger me. I mean if I ever have children there is no way they’d be sat inside all day. I’d put them to work! Hee hee.
goober dust · August 31, 2006 at 12:11 pm
Mr Angry for President!!
Rantig Dullard · August 31, 2006 at 12:14 pm
That is a seriously good idea. Nothing sheds the pounds like AIDS or Cholera. Just look at the world reknowned ‘mercury diet’.
kaz · August 31, 2006 at 12:45 pm
This idea is truly inspirational. Could you please extend it to include exchanges between the ‘grim north’ and ‘South of Watford Gap’. I’ll be first in the queue to exchange Lancashire Hotpot for jellied eels …or perhaps not!
Miss Ell · August 31, 2006 at 1:06 pm
Mr Angry – I wish I could banter with you about my time in Dallas, but for contractual reasons I am unable to. Also, it’s a little before my time…
Ldbug · August 31, 2006 at 3:19 pm
Absolutely Brilliant
Only thing to make it better would be to set up an exchange program for the fat, lazy, parents that let their kids get fat in the first place!
Ldbug · August 31, 2006 at 3:24 pm
And, as to the article “obese people are less active than lean people” someone got paid to do a study on that?
Admin comment by Mr Angry · August 31, 2006 at 7:32 pm
Celeste – it’s not been the same since the mines closed.
Goober dust – Of?
RD – I take it you mean the bad Aids?
Kaz – That would just be cruel.
Miss Ellie – it is OK, I don’t think anyone noticed so your secret is safe.
Ldbug – ta, some people get paid to do the stupidest things… my mate ate a lightbulb for a pound when I was 13.
Dancinfairy · September 1, 2006 at 4:24 pm
Brilliant idea. Just pure genius.
I have added a link to your blog on my site as one of the new blogs I found whilst writing a post for World Blog Day. Hope you have a great holiday and your baggage does too!
I am livid » Happy Birthday to me · January 3, 2007 at 12:16 pm
[...] The summer began to disappear and discussion focused on copycat criminals, and how guilty they and the original criminals are. I decided it was time to join a new gym, and I was honoured to be an usher at a friends wedding. We then took a small step back in history to when Denis Leary stole my joke. I went to the Edinburgh festival, which was an adventure in itself, parts 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5 are here. The month ended with me suffering a moment of weakness and trying to fix the world. [...]