Our planet is beset with problems from top to bottom, from the east to the west, from the grim north to as far South as Watford Gap.

Sometimes I like to think of ways I could improve the lives of the people I have to share my air with, and every now and again I strike upon an idea so brilliant in it’s simplicity, that I am stunned it has not been implemented before.

For example, did you know that there are now more clinically obese people on this planet than starving ones? I didn’t. To me this suggests a simple solution that I’ve called, “The Obesity Exchange”.

This will give our planet the perfect opportunity to balance out the fat and the starving, and show that we really are just one happy global family.

If you recall your childhood, some of you will remember having some sort of exchange programme with a student from abroad, probably France. If you’re like me, this will have done nothing for you except provide some amusing anecdotes about being force fed horse meat and meeting school-girls with hairy armpits.

Anyway, instead of swapping your overweight child with a family of garlic smelling surrender-monkeys, why not send them to a remote village in Ethiopia for the summer? They will get to eat a few less chocolate bars, walk several miles a day for water instead of sitting playing his XBox, and will probably make some good friends. Plus, with a bit of luck, they might contract a minor shitting disease and lose a few more of those troublesome pounds.

In return, you would get sent a skinny African child who you can fatten up over the summer so they don’t get some horrendous life-threatening disease like scurvy or man-flu. You can also introduce them to the true wonders of the First World like medicine, iPods, and YouTube.

In summary, your kid gets a nice tan and loses a couple of inches of flab, and you get to do something good for the underprivileged.

This is a stone cold winner, surely?

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