Spammers of the world, will you all please just get to fuck!
Genuine readers, you don’t know how lucky you are. This site gets between 20-30 spam comments a day at the moment, but luckily Akismet (note to teccie readers: this is a plug-in for Wordpress) (note to non-teccie readers: It eats spam) (note to retarded readers : I don’t mean ’spam’ as in the shite rubberised meat substitute) catches pretty much every single one. Unfortunately it’s now started deleting one or two legitimate comments as well. For which I apologise, legitimate commenters. It really doesn’t like Ranting Dullard for some reason.
But you spamming cunts with your “Best site I see” and “This site is very cognitive” can seriously fuck off. And who the fuck is Jane? There must be a dozen spam comments a day that start with “Hello Jane!”. Do I look like a fucking Jane? just how many Janes do you know that could benefit from cheap penis enlargement?
I am now officially looking for helpers. Does anyone know if there is any way of tracing these utter cunts, finding out who they are, where they live, going to their house and jamming a broken bottle up into their anuses?
The fuckers don’t even make an effort with me any more. It’s just link after link after link. It’s almost like they’ve given up with the pathetic facade of trying to be a legitimate commenter, and there’s now a tacit agreement between us and them.
“Yeah, I know I’m a spammer, but I’ll just drop these fifteen identical comments on your site, and you know, someone might come and see super poker and sexy girls, you never know, I mean there’s fuck all you can do about it, and you don’t know where I live.”
For the record, I do not want Cheap Xanax, an Alternative to Phentermine, Naked Girls, Tramadol Ultram, Adipex, Great Poker, Big Tits, Cheap V1agra, or a Bigger Penis.
Well, OK, I’ll admit to being a little tempted by the naked girls and big tits, but seriously, has anyone here EVER clicked on a spam advert? Ever? If so, did your computer explode?
No tags
Rantig Dullard · August 30, 2006 at 8:02 am
I admit it. I take cheap xanax. I dont know what it does to me but my penis has enlarged and I play a lot more poker.
Oh and my breasts have grown.
Katy Newton · August 30, 2006 at 8:06 am
Inspired to put a serious comment on your web page for once. This is a first.
I get a lot of emails which begin “I am a high-ranking official at the First National Bank of Burkina-Faso” or “I am the widow of a godly man who left me $15,000,000″. These people are serious scammers who ruin the finances and lives of (admittedly highly gullible and stupid) people every year. There’s no point in sending them to the police, who aren’t interested if there is no mobile number or address in the email, which there never is. So I report them to their email providers instead (to do this you forward the email to abuse@whoevertheinternetprovideris.com). The provider then deletes their account. Obviously they can get another one, and it is a small blow, but I like to think it annoys them.
Arsebiscuits!
z · August 30, 2006 at 8:25 am
The ones I don’t understand are those that say ‘best site I see’ without offering a link to anything. Annoying to me but pointless to them surely?
Admin comment by Mr Angry · August 30, 2006 at 9:11 am
RD – So THAT’s why they keep coming here, they’re after the readership…
Katy – thanks, I was hoping for help with the broken bottle / anus thing, but this is a start I guess…
z – I think they’re saying that you’re site is the best they see, in their best broken English of course
Murphy · August 30, 2006 at 9:12 am
Blimey, you ARE cross! Barking mad!
Here’s a tip from http://www.chasingdaisy.com
“If you’re a WordPress user with the Akismet plugin installed and are currently getting spammered (hundreds in the moderation queue in just a few hours), you need to upgrade to version 1.15. Sorted immediately.”
Admin comment by Mr Angry · August 30, 2006 at 9:14 am
Murphy – thank you. I knew that if I kept this site going long enough, that one day, someone, somewhere, would leave a useful comment. And now I get two in an hour…
Banana · August 30, 2006 at 9:31 am
I love Spam. They came out with a new limited edition flavour.
BoyOnTop · August 30, 2006 at 1:55 pm
I have in the past, when really really annoyed, traced ownership of the sites owned, or IP ranges that sent the emails/spammed comments. Its not terribly hard. I’ve then…, ehemm… la la la, engaged the services of some eastern europeans of my aquaintance, to, hmm, cough, go have some fun.
These sites never last long anyway, and real spammers move over IPs like Madona can dance, so it doesn’t make much difference, but it makes me feel better.
BB · August 30, 2006 at 2:51 pm
I used to make a point of clicking on spam adverts. I had to stop because my penis is now so large it’s a hazard to air traffic near Glasgow Airport.
And I got a gigantic pair of tits into the bargain. I keep them in the shed.
If you can be arsed, you could try capturing your spammer’s IPs, then doing a lookup to see who their ISP is.
You feel great the first time you do it, like some kind of geeky avenging angel, after that you realise how dull and pointless it is.
Katy is spot on about the African spammers. Cunts. Go to http://www.419eater.com/ and have a laugh at their expense.
Ldbug · August 30, 2006 at 3:01 pm
Seems like you have plenty of helpful advice, so just one little note, a fellow blogger of mine noticed that some of her legitamate commentors (whom she actually knew in ‘real’ life) were carrying spam. So maybe some of it coming your way is accidental? Haven’t had that problem myself…yet
P.S. I found your site via 4dinners, hope you don’t mind, blogging is better than working…
Four Dinners · August 30, 2006 at 3:11 pm
Right! That’s it! Back to Loch Ness. Can’t read a bloody thing. Sorry Angry, I’m technologically inept and don’t know why your’s n Tidy’s has become so miniscule. Can’t comment on what I can’t bloody see. Be fixed when I get back off tour so I can catch up.
z · August 30, 2006 at 4:02 pm
‘best site I see’ 70 times in 2 days? I’m not that good.
Well, I am of course, but my blog isn’t.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · August 30, 2006 at 4:08 pm
Ldbug – hello, and no I don’t mind, everyone is welcome. Unless you are James Blunt in disguise? In which case, can you please fuck off you talentless cunt.
Thank you everyone for your stories regarding enormous penis’s and massive tits. I am looking forward to my new Google hits already. Also, thank you for your advice regarding ISP’s, IP’s, PI’s and other things I know absolutely nothing about. Should I assume noone can help me with the broken bottle up the anus thing then?
FD – You’re not missing much…
Ldbug · August 30, 2006 at 4:37 pm
Nope, not JB in disguise:-)
Duch · August 30, 2006 at 9:55 pm
maybe if you didn’t sound like you were going to enjoy it so much…..
anyway.
spam sucks.
Devil's Kitchen · August 31, 2006 at 12:19 pm
There’s some nice advice in this article at Nightcap Syndication.
DK