I got to the gym reasonably regularly.

Even though this site does wonders for my stress levels, the body still needs its own release as well, and the gym is where I find it. It allows to me to keep my rippling one-pack in place.

I don’t particularly enjoy it, I would rather stay fit by sitting in front of the TV eating pizza and ice-cream, but the laws of genetics have conspired to make this nigh on impossible. So going to the gym a few times a week is what I do.

A couple of weeks ago a new sign appeared in the male changing rooms, and I have to admit it has made me more than a little uncomfortable in my surroundings. The sign reads:

“No girls over the age of 7 are allowed in the male changing rooms”

If you take this sign at face value, then there is nothing sinister in it, but clearly what it is actually saying is it’s perfectly acceptable to bring 6 year old girls into the changing rooms. It does not even say that you have to be related to them! I am now convinced I have accidentally joined a paedophile gym.

I’ll admit, I have not yet seen any 6 year old girls in the gym, but I read enough newspapers to know that paedo’s are cunning folk, and are unlikely to be flaunting their dispicableness in plain sight of normal gym-goers like me. Perhaps I am the only normal member, and as soon as I walk out of the changing room children appear from everywhere?

If you were a paedo who particularly liked staying fit, then this gym would be absolutely perfect for you, as wandering in with small children would not raise a single eyebrow. Except mine.

I have recently been checking my fellow gym users for potential signs of pervertedness, but I am not entirely sure how to spot one? I do not think they all have shiny silvery suits, bouffant hair cuts and platform boots. This would make treadmill use impractical, and I’m sure that using the gym facilities would be on their agenda at some point. In fact, if Gary Glitter himself walked in I’m not sure I would recognise him, unless he brought his two girlfriends with him.

So the search is on for a new gym, preferably one where the only people who get to see me changing are other naked men.

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