I use broadband at home, as do an increasing number of technology literate citizens. However, as I am a proper 21st century ‘naughties’ man (‘Millennium Man’ is so passé) I got myself a wireless router to go with it.
This is a wonderful invention. At the time I bought it, the salesman said I would be able to surf for porn from all over the flat, or even from the balcony and in the garden. Obviously I corrected him immediately, as I think surfing for porn outside of the bedroom is just plain weird. Unless everyone is out and you have the place to yourself.
Unfortunately, it used to act rather erratically most of the time and would ‘throw me off’ (technical term) quite frequently. At least, it threw me off regularly until I removed the WEP security on it (I can hear the technology literate amongst you tut-tutting from here, and the technology illiterate going ‘eh?’). Essentially it means my home network is ‘open’ to anyone with a wireless-enabled computer.
Last night the Internet was going very slow indeed, which is surprising as I have an 8mb line, which is fast for a home connection that is very rarely used for downloading porn. I checked the wireless router and it turns out there were five, yes FIVE other people connected to it!
The cheeky fucktards!
My router is named with my address, so anyone in the flats where I live could have easily come and asked to use it, and I’m sure we would have come to some arrangement. I am not an unreasonable man.
There is even a precedent for this, when two girls from flat 7 came round and asked to use it from time to time. They offered to pay, but being the chivalrous gent I am, I refused to accept cash payment. However, one of them then started having regular sex with my flatmate (not at that exact moment, it was the middle of the day, I think they waited a couple of hours). I’m still not sure what I got out of that particular deal though. Perhaps I will increase his rent.
So in future, just come and ask me, then I can have the pleasure of telling you to fuck off for being a thieving pikey bastard. Unless of course you are really fit and offer sexual favours in return.
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21 comments
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Oli · August 2, 2006 at 8:57 am
Yeah My wireless router always dropped when my WEP thing was enabled, solution i was told was to wait a bit and buy a new router, Fuck that.
Banana · August 2, 2006 at 9:54 am
Surely you must know that you can set a password to your router.
By the way, no one has 8mb speed. That is what Bt is advertising. the most you can get is 7mb.
Mr Angry · August 2, 2006 at 10:58 am
Oli – snap
Banana – the lying shits! But sky are offering me 16mb now, would that mean it’s actually just 14mb?
Oli · August 2, 2006 at 10:59 am
A password on your router doesnt stop people connecting to it =p
You can get up to 24mb broadband but the connection you get is always dependant on teh quality of the cabling and your distance to the exchange, its mostly irrelevant as a website sending you information will rarely send it at more than 700 kbs, though im sure angry makes full use when downloading his ‘art’ movies.
Jorge · August 2, 2006 at 10:59 am
Most of the time, WiFi access points “drop” you from connections secured with WEP and WPA because of the drivers installed in your computer. A driver update sometimes fixes this.
And there’s a way to limit the computers that can hook onto a WiFi access point without encryption. It’s called MAC address filtering.
Sorry for the techie outburst. I’ll go back to my corner now.
Léonie · August 2, 2006 at 11:17 am
I steal someone’s wireless connection. If anything I am proud of it. I have not asked, nor have I offered money or sexual favours to anyone in return for it, despite being really fit.
You can’t expect me to be a murderer in one post and then have qualms about being a theif in the next.
Léonie · August 2, 2006 at 11:18 am
Obviously by ‘theif’ I mean ‘thief’.
I am still proud.
Dr Clip · August 2, 2006 at 11:22 am
I have set up a new business venture in my flat for those with wireless enabled laptops around me (ladies) in return for sexual favours.I time the usage by 3.5 min slots (its an average thing) Its called “Play as you Blow”.
Banana · August 2, 2006 at 11:59 am
Oli: Please tell me how to bypass the password. I would love to know since i have wifi on my mobile.
Dr J · August 2, 2006 at 1:34 pm
We use MAC address filtering on our wireless doodad. The buggers might be able to see us and even “log on” to the network, but they can’t actually use us to access our machines or the net unless we tell it to recognize their MAC address.
Or so my nethead friends tell me.
BoyOnTop · August 2, 2006 at 1:48 pm
Actually what really effects the “true” bandwidth you get is concurrancy. If they even put it in, the small print usually talks about a 1:n limit. n being the maximum number of users the resell the bandwidth to. The greedy ones will go as far as 200:1, which if you’re on a well populated exchange can mean you get f-all bandwidth from the exchange outwards if there are a lot of other punters signed up to your provider.
MAC filtering is good, but needs good geek skills. The value of password protection actually depends on the router, some are better than others.
I dare you to out geek me, I dare you…
Mr Angry · August 2, 2006 at 1:53 pm
Léonie – yesterday was about killing James Blunt, today it is about stealing my broadband. Can you spot the difference?
All – I fail to see how wearing a full-length waterproof coat in my flat will stop people stealing the Internet from me. Plus the neighbours think I am weird enough as it is. Please explain further.
Baw Bag · August 2, 2006 at 2:00 pm
I’m afraid I can’t possibly agree with you on this one.
Let’s get this straight: You turned off your wireless security and then, shockingly, people started nicking your bandwidth? And you are surprised by this?
I would have thought a man of your calibre would have known better.
For shame Angry, for shame.
Oli · August 2, 2006 at 2:02 pm
Not sure how you set up a mobile for WiFi.
MAC filtering isnt hard on most routers, just mess around in your reuters options and you will probably find it all.
Angry – One of the people stealing your broadband is probably James blunt, he will also be reading this and chuckling – such is sods law.
Mr Angry · August 2, 2006 at 2:16 pm
Baw Bag – How was I to know that disabling the security would actually let other people use my bit of the Internet? I thought it was an anti-terrorist measure alone.
I am going to syphon petrol from random cars in the Court to teach them all a lesson.
Oli – I am googling Mac filtering and it makes sense…I think.
Four Dinners · August 2, 2006 at 3:03 pm
Oh eck. I wished you hadn’t said that. My entire street know I’ve a wireless router n I know none of them have at the moment. I thought they were smiling at me out of politeness not in a ‘what a dickhead we’re all on his router’ kind of way. You’ve made me more paranoid than normal now.
Mr Angry · August 2, 2006 at 3:16 pm
FD – you’re not paranoid if they really are out to steal the Internet from you.
Marycub · August 2, 2006 at 4:15 pm
Grr if i could get my pc’s wireless card to actually DO something i might be able to connect to someone’s defenseless internet.
Leopoldo Fregoli · August 2, 2006 at 5:45 pm
I have no idea about any of the technical stuff you were talking about, but I enjoyed the bits about “sex” (lack of) and “porn”. They made me feel very nostalgic about my own life. Thank you.
Banana · August 2, 2006 at 7:57 pm
isn’t that called piggybacking? make sure the wifi connection practices safe sex..no barebacking.
ellie · August 3, 2006 at 5:14 am
Tut Tut, Angry. Not b/c of the WEP thing. But, rather, because you let your flatmate hop on the honey. How’s the team going to win if the coach gives away the scores?