I use broadband at home, as do an increasing number of technology literate citizens. However, as I am a proper 21st century ‘naughties’ man (‘Millennium Man’ is so passé) I got myself a wireless router to go with it.

This is a wonderful invention. At the time I bought it, the salesman said I would be able to surf for porn from all over the flat, or even from the balcony and in the garden. Obviously I corrected him immediately, as I think surfing for porn outside of the bedroom is just plain weird. Unless everyone is out and you have the place to yourself.

Unfortunately, it used to act rather erratically most of the time and would ‘throw me off’ (technical term) quite frequently. At least, it threw me off regularly until I removed the WEP security on it (I can hear the technology literate amongst you tut-tutting from here, and the technology illiterate going ‘eh?’). Essentially it means my home network is ‘open’ to anyone with a wireless-enabled computer.

Last night the Internet was going very slow indeed, which is surprising as I have an 8mb line, which is fast for a home connection that is very rarely used for downloading porn. I checked the wireless router and it turns out there were five, yes FIVE other people connected to it!

The cheeky fucktards!

My router is named with my address, so anyone in the flats where I live could have easily come and asked to use it, and I’m sure we would have come to some arrangement. I am not an unreasonable man.

There is even a precedent for this, when two girls from flat 7 came round and asked to use it from time to time. They offered to pay, but being the chivalrous gent I am, I refused to accept cash payment. However, one of them then started having regular sex with my flatmate (not at that exact moment, it was the middle of the day, I think they waited a couple of hours). I’m still not sure what I got out of that particular deal though. Perhaps I will increase his rent.

So in future, just come and ask me, then I can have the pleasure of telling you to fuck off for being a thieving pikey bastard. Unless of course you are really fit and offer sexual favours in return.

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I use broadband at home, as do an increasing number of technology literate citizens. However, as I am a proper 21st century ‘naughties’ man (‘Millennium Man’ is so passé) I got myself a wireless router to go with it.

This is a wonderful invention. At the time I bought it, the salesman said I would be able to surf for porn from all over the flat, or even from the balcony and in the garden. Obviously I corrected him immediately, as I think surfing for porn outside of the bedroom is just plain weird. Unless everyone is out and you have the place to yourself.

Unfortunately, it used to act rather erratically most of the time and would ‘throw me off’ (technical term) quite frequently. At least, it threw me off regularly until I removed the WEP security on it (I can hear the technology literate amongst you tut-tutting from here, and the technology illiterate going ‘eh?’). Essentially it means my home network is ‘open’ to anyone with a wireless-enabled computer.

Last night the Internet was going very slow indeed, which is surprising as I have an 8mb line, which is fast for a home connection that is very rarely used for downloading porn. I checked the wireless router and it turns out there were five, yes FIVE other people connected to it!

The cheeky fucktards!

My router is named with my address, so anyone in the flats where I live could have easily come and asked to use it, and I’m sure we would have come to some arrangement. I am not an unreasonable man.

There is even a precedent for this, when two girls from flat 7 came round and asked to use it from time to time. They offered to pay, but being the chivalrous gent I am, I refused to accept cash payment. However, one of them then started having regular sex with my flatmate (not at that exact moment, it was the middle of the day, I think they waited a couple of hours). I’m still not sure what I got out of that particular deal though. Perhaps I will increase his rent.

So in future, just come and ask me, then I can have the pleasure of telling you to fuck off for being a thieving pikey bastard. Unless of course you are really fit and offer sexual favours in return.

No tags