I know what you fuckers are thinking. Angry’s gone and gotten himself a dose by shagging some bird he met whilst drunk? Well, no. That hasn’t happened. Or at least I don’t think it has. I mean, hypothetically speaking, how long would it be before the symptoms started to show, you know, if you had caught something? Hypothetically speaking of course.
Anyway…it’s not that sort of ‘clap’ that I’m pissed off about.
What I actually want to understand is why women applaud, and actively congratulate, the other team when they are scored against whilst playing Netball?
This is the most bizarre thing I have ever seen in the field of sports, and I’ve seen Kabadi played live. Team sports are there to create competition, they artificially manufacture a ‘battle’ scenario so that our most base of human instincts, the drive for victory, can be satisfied in a controlled manner. Don’t listen to that bollocks about “it’s how you played the game”. This is usually uttered from the mouth of a loser. Winning is everything.
If I were playing football, and during the game someone from the opposing team finally gave in to their overwhelming need to applaud me, I would think they were taking the piss, and it would probably end up in a violent confrontation.
If the idea is to win, why praise the opposition? Surely that just helps them? If I were a netball coach (we can all have our little dreams can’t we?) I’d go fucking ballistic at that sort of behaviour. It’s just not natural. I want to see and hear quality trash-talking, some off-the-ball incidents that involve hair pulling and face scratching. And above all, if nothing else, when the opposition score I want to hear you scream, “You jammy fucking bitch!”.
When my team scores I want to see each player in their opponents faces, screaming “You’re shit! This is tooooo fucking easy!!”. My netball team would kick-ass.
So, I’m thinking of holding of holding open trials, any of our female readers interested in applying?
No tags
Oli · July 27, 2006 at 8:51 am
If i was coach of a netball team I think ild be looking to the aftergame de-breifing in the showers to give a crap about the game.
I do however agree that all sports should involve two main things, competition & violence that can be observed as a mistake, ie
Accidental elbo to nose
Slide tackle which accidentaly takes out someones legs
ellie · July 27, 2006 at 8:59 am
*Ponders. Mulls. Frets. Bites Nails. Tenatively raises hand to be first volunteer.*
z · July 27, 2006 at 9:32 am
I’m surprised to agree, in principle, there – ‘good shot’ is sporting, ‘ooh you’re marvellous, do it again’ is stupid. I’m a gracious winner however – no idea what sort of loser I’d make.
I’ll volunteer for most things but not for netball.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · July 27, 2006 at 9:42 am
Oli – Swapping shirts with the opposition would also become compulsory.
ellie – well done, you can be captain.
z – I also wonder what it is like to lose at anything.
Dr J · July 27, 2006 at 9:47 am
Netball? Have you been hanging around the high school playing fields again??
I’m told that when supplied with weapons female sports can be every bit as nasty as the men’s (hockey in particular). Does this mean that Netball belongs in “games” rather than “sports” perhaps?
Me I’m all for sports with penatlties like “Unneccessary Roughness” as in American Football. The clear implication being that a minimum level of roughness is required to play the game. Can’t help thinking it would be a lot better without all that clunky body armour tho’. Even Rugby players seem to be strapping on more and more pads these days, and Pro’ Footy seems to be more about ballet than ball control, so perhaps the girlies are just ahead of the game after all?
BoyOnTop · July 27, 2006 at 10:16 am
Hmm, I think I have to begin by putting my hand up and laying claim to being ultracompetitive. I hate loosing.
Yet, admiration for a point well played should be expressed. I used to row cometitively, and it was the done thing to give three cheers for the other boat, whether you won or came second, but only if it was a really good race.
If there was open water, then tough. If it was won or lost by a bow ball, then cheers all around because that meant it was a hard fought race. The winners deserved it for winning, second place deserved it for pushing hard and making winning all the sweeter.
Clapping every point though? That’s politness gone bad.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · July 27, 2006 at 1:02 pm
So – I have one potential player, and three potential coaches. I saw this going very differently in my head.
Jorge · July 27, 2006 at 1:19 pm
I’m only joining if there are plans for drunken debauchery after the matches.
Ranting Dullard · July 27, 2006 at 2:05 pm
All sport should be a fight to the death. Well at least metaphoricly speaking.
ellie · July 27, 2006 at 2:29 pm
Oh dear. What have I gotten myself into?
Léonie · July 27, 2006 at 2:55 pm
Do we get to wear those little skirts?
If so I’m in. Can I be in?
Oli · July 27, 2006 at 3:35 pm
I can imagine ellie grinning while saying that..
Mouldy · July 27, 2006 at 4:18 pm
Not that you give a shit but your blog rocks.
And can I come and watch your netball team play?
Also, in my experience most female sportswomen are lesbians. Are you bothered by that?
Admin comment by Mr Angry · July 27, 2006 at 4:29 pm
ellie & Léonie – how many are there in a team? and of course you can wear a teeny weeny little skirt. It will be compulsory of training, but optional for the matches.
Mouldy – ta muchly, fit lesbians in short skirts playing with each other? That’s a rhetorical question right?
Mouldy · July 27, 2006 at 4:40 pm
Mmmmm! I didn’t say “fit lesbians” though did I? I meant “real” lesbians. Short hair and vests.
Dr Clip · July 27, 2006 at 4:42 pm
all downloaded into the WB.
Can I be the shower room attendant?
ellie · July 27, 2006 at 5:11 pm
I have no frickin’ idea how to play netball. Basketball is the closest I’ve come. I promise not to dribble (with neither saliva nor the ball, since I do know dribbling is unattractive and against the rules), I will use my elbows and buttocks aggressively; I will not clap; nor will I high five (since this is a most cring worthy display of enthusiasm). And, I will say that there are 5 on a team. Oh please let there be 5 on a team; Please let there be five on a team
PS – I am not a sportswoman of Mouldy’s ilk. I am not an L. I am a B. And everyone knows we’re cute.
Léonie · July 27, 2006 at 5:52 pm
I might’ve high fived but the captain just vetoed it so I won’t.
I am terrible at netball, but I’m competitive and quite good at wearing little skirts. I might dribble, but only if someone hits me in the face with a netball whilst I’m vaguely wondering what the rules are and whether it’s nearly half time yet.
Ellie how does one use one’s buttocks agressively? I have such a lot to learn.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · July 27, 2006 at 7:45 pm
Mouldy – short hair / vests? They’re going to dress like the coaches?
Dr Clip – I can be bribed.
ellie – aggressive buttock use is actively encouraged in the Angry coaching manual.
Léonie – you can high-five with the coaches.
Cleavers · July 27, 2006 at 9:24 pm
I’ll play, but only if you don’t make us wear the big sports knickers under the teeny tiny skirts. The chafing is most unpleasant. Something light and barely there is much better and encourages more freedom to use the buttocks agressively, I find
Marycub · July 27, 2006 at 9:29 pm
NETBALL.
i have not uttered that word for 7 years which when i last played ( i was 16). I despised it because i never had the height advantage only being a tiny 5′2
US · July 29, 2006 at 9:46 am
Can I be the bloke that runs on with a sponge.
NETBALL CLAPPER · November 7, 2006 at 3:59 pm
You bunch of guys are all full of shite.
I am writing from the great land Down Under and I have just started playing country netball in Western Australia after having been away from it for 10 years.
Woman are just such good sports. We clap the other teams goals because we appreciate the skill involved in throwing a ball through that little hoop without the benefit of a backboard or being able to slam dunk the ball. The further out the shot is the bigger the clapping!
However, it doesn’t mean that we are happy about it. We really want to punch their heads in for shooting the goal in the first place. It is all for show.
As far as the little skirts go. Not all sights in little skirts are nice. Especially those with big thighs, bottoms and boobies. Are you all puking yet.
Well bye bye from Down Under. I came across this site by accident and I am so pleased that I could add to it.
TTFN