Despite the appearance of this site, I am a very kind and considerate person at heart. Unless I take a dislike to you, in which case you’re, err fucked, basically.
My generosity of spirit sees me undertake regular good deeds, a common one being my willingness to give up my seat on the tube or train to someone more in need than I. Pregnant women, old people, gingers. I do not discriminate when it comes to the needy. It is important that we think about those people who are not as fortunate as ourselves either through age, disability or hair colour.
Some trains even provide helpful signs to remind the people who are not as considerate as me, that the seats they are occupying are designated for those with a greater need.
The other day an elderly chap got onto my train home during rush hour. He was old and shriveled and had the bandiest legs I’d ever seen. At first I thought someone had dressed up a monkey in old mans clothes and released it onto the train. He stood by the door, looked around at the packed carriage and then directly at the young guy in one of the designated priority seats, who completely ignored him whilst engrossed in his book.
He then continued to ignore the old monkey-man despite my glare burning an imagined hole in the top of his head. James Patterson’s ‘London Bridges’ must a fucking riveting read.
From a few seats further down, I stood up and offered him my place, which he took gratefully with a “Thanks Sonny”. This is, I believe, the first time that sentence has been used since Cher’s ex-husband skied into that tree.
So, after getting up I went and stood next to the Priority seat. Not that I expected him to move for me of course, as I am neither old, disabled or ginger, and I was not walking like a monkey in a suit.
In fact, he probably recognised me as the virile athletic individual that I am, and decided that ignoring me was probably the best way to convey that he was aware of this fact, whilst also avoiding an embarrassing scene. He was right.
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Oli · July 25, 2006 at 10:18 am
He may have been mentally retarded, hope you feel ashamed tbh.
BoyOnTop · July 25, 2006 at 10:31 am
Its amazing what people can ignore when they want to. During my wife’s various pregnancies we have often use “public transport”. Even when there was absolutely no doubt she was pregnant, not once (really not once) has someone offered her a seat.
Ranting Dullard · July 25, 2006 at 10:54 am
Hence my rant about London the other week. What a rude place. I just dont understand the reluctance people show for a little compassion. And I list one of my hobbies as kicking the shite out of people too.
zed · July 25, 2006 at 11:45 am
belgians are pretty good about giving up their seats for others who are more in need of the seat than them. hell, i was once even ushered to the top of the long queue outside the ladies when heavily pregnant with twins jumping up and down on my bladder.
AND madame pipi didn’t want any money from me.
Marycub · July 25, 2006 at 12:15 pm
Not trying to be offensive but sometimes people take liberties… by people i mean of course women with children. Specifically women with children in buggies. I will move out of the way for a buggy like the next person but not if said mother rams the back of her buggy into my legs. This happens a lot, it’s as if they feel they have a right of way, maybe it’s because they’re used to driving around in their 4by4’s which apparently give them right of way every time!
Dr_Clip · July 25, 2006 at 12:31 pm
If you can walk down around London and make you way into a tube station then you can fucking stand up for two minutes.
If you are disabled or old or about to become a single mum then no doubt you will be claiming some sort of benefit fomr the government, which I am paying for. So give me the priority seat as I’m the one who has worked all day to pay for your lazy assed life style.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · July 25, 2006 at 12:41 pm
Oli – He was reading James Patterson, so he was probably of less than average intelligence.
BoT – Honestly? Not even once?
RD – Exactly, it doesn’t hurt does it. I mean the compassion, not the beating people up for a hobby.
Zed – They make excellent lager too. A wonderful people the Belgians.
Dr Clip – “I’m the one who worked all day” ha ha ha ha!!!
Geena · July 25, 2006 at 2:10 pm
But Marycub – if they have 4×4’s what are they doing on the tube?
Hey Mr A – don’t know why I’m delurking today…must be the bloody heat..
Oli · July 25, 2006 at 2:51 pm
Have to agree about some women with buggies, some are ok, others use there childeren as a battering ram to get through crowds. Whenever they run into someone they glare at the poor person making it see like it was their fault that they were walking down the street.
the worst is when you have 2 or three side by side so the mothers can talk, not that im against mothers talking, just not when doing so blocks a whole pavement off.
Jorge · July 25, 2006 at 2:54 pm
This is by no means a London thing. Not long ago, in Madrid, I stood up to let a pregnant lady take my seat, and a stupid fucker sat down!!
He was one of those fucking flea-ridden, dirty dreads hippy types. He didn’t take it too kindly when I informed him that the seat was for the lady, and there was nothing to discuss. I guess my skinhead looks (Martens, black bomber, shaven head) did part of the job persuading the cunt.
BoyOnTop · July 25, 2006 at 3:45 pm
Seriously, not ever bar the one time she was pregnant with number 2. We’d spent the day in town with our eldest in a push chair. She was flagging, and we got into a stuffed Jubilee line train. No one moved, so I my intimidating best and glared at this pair of fat f*&^s, and asked one to move.
Four Dinners · July 25, 2006 at 4:08 pm
A young lad offered me his seat on a train. I’m only 48. I could cry. I was a bit pissed and having a struggle remaining perpendicular though. Hopefully it was this n not me aged appearance..
Admin comment by Mr Angry · July 25, 2006 at 4:10 pm
Geena – Hello, de-lurk away, the relentless hotness makes us all do weird things
Oli – Women with buggies should be made to take a driving test of some sort
Jorge – Well done (on giving up the seat and threatening a hippy)
BoT – You did well, if I’d been in your shoes violence may have ensued. It makes me mad when I have relation to the people forced to stand.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · July 25, 2006 at 4:11 pm
FD – this wasn’t last Thursday was it? You don’t have really bandy legs do you?
ellie · July 25, 2006 at 5:00 pm
But where does it end? Do we have to give up our seats for serious overweight people? Do we ask how many months along the pregant moms are? What about old people? Shouldn’t Four Dinners have been qualified somehow before having a seat offered? Maybe carded? When I’m wearing high heels, I certainly feel entitled to a high priorty seat, right?
Admin comment by Mr Angry · July 25, 2006 at 5:08 pm
ellie – I’m wating for the inevitable, “But I’m more disabled than you!” argument between two mentally ill folk.
marycub · July 25, 2006 at 6:51 pm
Good point Geena, maybe it’s to make up for their lack of 4X4 – its an either or situ – queen of the road or queen of the pavement!
surly girl · July 25, 2006 at 8:06 pm
easy. if they’re old, i get up. if they look about nineteen months pregnant, i offer my seat. anything less and it’s not worth the punch in the face. i know about this. i once got asked if i was pregnant. i wasn’t. i was just fifteen stone.
the horror…..
Admin comment by Mr Angry · July 25, 2006 at 10:33 pm
Marycub – and they can’t drive either.
surly girl – hello, did you hit them so hard you both cried?
Marycub · July 25, 2006 at 10:38 pm
As a woman i should dispute that but you’re right women in 4X4s can’t drive. This is because they think they own the road and since they work on the principal of mine is bigger than yours, people will make way for them… WRONG! I never let 4X4s out, least of all ones driven by women. And i’ll be preparing to ram them if they’re on the fekkin school run.
z · July 25, 2006 at 11:39 pm
Er, people are always really nice to me. They offered me seats even when I was young, slim and unpregnant. On London tubes and everything.
Smile more?
z · July 25, 2006 at 11:40 pm
Heh heh, you all hate me now!
Scott · July 27, 2006 at 2:06 am
The weird thing is that I’m blind, and whenever I’m out with the stick or i’ve stolen someone elses guide dog its actually an effort to stay standing up.
Seriously theres been quite a few occasions when someone who knows maybe 10 words of english and is quite clearly petrified of disabled people and dogs has felt it necessary to do their bit “Seat…you please… seat there”.
Not that i want to seem ungrateful, I’m a lazy sod and its handy, but it surprised me that they’d do it for me but wouldn’t budge up for a pregnant lass who hasn’t got the dreaded lergy in any way and isn’t holding a pointy thing.
nice blog btw Angry, sorry i came out of the woodwork with a bit of a novel. I shall restrain myself in future.
Oli · July 27, 2006 at 8:41 am
How the hell did scott just read your blog
Admin comment by Mr Angry · July 27, 2006 at 10:44 am
Scott – Hello! Readers, please note how Scott has managed to avoid typo’s despite being blind. I ask that you all up your game to his level. That is all.
Scott · July 27, 2006 at 5:24 pm
Oli – someone was bound to ask that. I’m using a screen reader, basically an overpriced bit of software that outputs whatever is on my screen in a symthetic voice for me.
To save everyone time, the answers to the next questions are:
Yes i can make it swear like a trooper on demand
Yes angry does sound hilarious as a ranting robot
Yes there are plenty of girly voices available for all your sworded fiction needs
No, there aren’t any fit sounding ones though.