Golf balls do not have ears.
They never have had. In fact, in the entire history of the game of golf, I don’t believe that any golf ball has ever changed it’s direction as a result of a verbal command from either a spectator, or the person who hit it with a club.
Not that this fact stops me when I’m playing of course. I often shout at my golf balls on the golf course. My favourite shout is, “You caaaaaaaaaant!”. I probably use this five or six times a round. Not once, however, has the ball decided to behave itself as a result of me shouting at it.
The Open at Royal Liverpool Hoylake came to a conclusion yesterday, with Tiger Woods winning another major. I quite like Tiger Woods, he comes across as a nice guy, and is a good example to the kids. He is living the dream of a million budding golfers around the world, in that he pulled a gorgeous Swedish babysitter. He’s also a very good golfer.
What has really pissed me off though is that somewhere out there today, is some complete arsehole claiming a small part of Tigers victory for himself for telling the ball to “Get in the hole” every time Tiger hit the ball. From tee to green, from 3 iron to putter, every single shot was accompanied by the ubiquitous, “Get in the hole”. I assume by the same bloke.
We could give him the benefit of the doubt, and assume that he was shouting “Get in the hole!” at a badly behaved mole of some description. But in reality I just think he was a twat.
To my complete surprise, the TV companies continue to play the audio of these shouts. Surely it’s only a matter of time before the advertisers spot this gap in the market? How long till each shot from Tiger Woods is accompanied by the instant cry of, “Buy Budweiser!” or “Two Big Macs for the price of one all this week!”
Or, what if you’d had money on Ernie Els to win? Could you follow Tiger round the course and greet each shot with, “Miss by a fucking mile!” and “Get in the bunker!”?
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15 comments
<< Give it up
ellie · July 24, 2006 at 8:38 am
Eagerly awaiting NF’s commentary. It’s bound to be punny.
Marycub · July 24, 2006 at 8:46 am
With a phrase like that coming from amongst the masses, he could be upto anything.
BoyOnTop · July 24, 2006 at 9:55 am
Is it safe to assume the accent was American, is which case all that was meant was a plea for the ball to go into the cup? If it was any other nationality, especially British, god knows what was meant.
nf girl · July 24, 2006 at 10:27 am
Frankly, if I have to shout “Get in the hole” I would follow it up with “Game over. Now get out.”
mighty wright · July 24, 2006 at 10:32 am
and all those scouse planks with stolen camera phones constantly taking photos – muppets!
Admin comment by Mr Angry · July 24, 2006 at 10:41 am
ellie – you didn’t have to wait long now did you…
Marycub – anything and everything?
BoT – it was a Brit, unfortunately
NF – you are a hard woman…
mighty wright – similar to Tigers walk onto 18 on day 3, greeted by the broadest scouse accent I’ve ever heard shouting, “Gerrin ‘dere Tiger lad!”
mighty wright · July 24, 2006 at 11:36 am
it did cross my mind as to what the great man would have thought of the locals cultured accents…! that said, i am sure i could put up with that for 4 days for the prizemoney….
Four Dinners · July 24, 2006 at 12:10 pm
Maybe it was a mole shouting to it’s offspring to stop ‘em being squashed by Tiger’s golf ball? How does he concentrate with some twat shouting that all the way around?
Dr_Clip · July 24, 2006 at 12:22 pm
He did cry like a big gay baby though. I understand that his father passed away about 10 weeks ago. Then on the news the sports reporter said “and this guy that finished in second place, his mother passed away only three weeks ago”… and turned it all into some sort of family death match competition.
Weird.
Anyway, if the players were that upset they wouldn’t have competed in the first place. Cunts.
Next time I play, I may consider maming a few of my nuclear family to see if it hones my concentration.**
** I wouldn’t, this is an odd thing to do.
Marycub · July 24, 2006 at 1:13 pm
Whatever he was upto, I guess it’s the only way to make golf a smidgen more exciting… possibly some quick hole action round the back of the crowd.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · July 24, 2006 at 2:52 pm
FD – He did lose his cool a couple of times, but when I do that with a club in my hand someone gets hurt…
Dr Clip – yeah, DeMarco’s loss was deffo overshadowed by the media, very unfair.
Marycub – are you into golf ’spectating’ then?
zed · July 24, 2006 at 7:40 pm
all this over a game of golf ??
I need to lie down and have a rest before Eastenders. This is too much.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · July 24, 2006 at 8:04 pm
Zed – Hello, and yes, it really is that important. The golf that is, not Eastenders.
Marycub · July 24, 2006 at 8:34 pm
i’m into “spectating” as my disguise, so that i can get away with the more exciting things to be had on a golf course.
Rob D · July 24, 2006 at 9:57 pm
I hope the shouter did’nt turn up at Tiger dads funeral