Golf balls do not have ears.

They never have had. In fact, in the entire history of the game of golf, I don’t believe that any golf ball has ever changed it’s direction as a result of a verbal command from either a spectator, or the person who hit it with a club.

Not that this fact stops me when I’m playing of course. I often shout at my golf balls on the golf course. My favourite shout is, “You caaaaaaaaaant!”. I probably use this five or six times a round. Not once, however, has the ball decided to behave itself as a result of me shouting at it.

The Open at Royal Liverpool Hoylake came to a conclusion yesterday, with Tiger Woods winning another major. I quite like Tiger Woods, he comes across as a nice guy, and is a good example to the kids. He is living the dream of a million budding golfers around the world, in that he pulled a gorgeous Swedish babysitter. He’s also a very good golfer.

What has really pissed me off though is that somewhere out there today, is some complete arsehole claiming a small part of Tigers victory for himself for telling the ball to “Get in the hole” every time Tiger hit the ball. From tee to green, from 3 iron to putter, every single shot was accompanied by the ubiquitous, “Get in the hole”. I assume by the same bloke.

We could give him the benefit of the doubt, and assume that he was shouting “Get in the hole!” at a badly behaved mole of some description. But in reality I just think he was a twat.

To my complete surprise, the TV companies continue to play the audio of these shouts. Surely it’s only a matter of time before the advertisers spot this gap in the market? How long till each shot from Tiger Woods is accompanied by the instant cry of, “Buy Budweiser!” or “Two Big Macs for the price of one all this week!”

Or, what if you’d had money on Ernie Els to win? Could you follow Tiger round the course and greet each shot with, “Miss by a fucking mile!” and “Get in the bunker!”?

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Golf balls do not have ears.

They never have had. In fact, in the entire history of the game of golf, I don’t believe that any golf ball has ever changed it’s direction as a result of a verbal command from either a spectator, or the person who hit it with a club.

Not that this fact stops me when I’m playing of course. I often shout at my golf balls on the golf course. My favourite shout is, “You caaaaaaaaaant!”. I probably use this five or six times a round. Not once, however, has the ball decided to behave itself as a result of me shouting at it.

The Open at Royal Liverpool Hoylake came to a conclusion yesterday, with Tiger Woods winning another major. I quite like Tiger Woods, he comes across as a nice guy, and is a good example to the kids. He is living the dream of a million budding golfers around the world, in that he pulled a gorgeous Swedish babysitter. He’s also a very good golfer.

What has really pissed me off though is that somewhere out there today, is some complete arsehole claiming a small part of Tigers victory for himself for telling the ball to “Get in the hole” every time Tiger hit the ball. From tee to green, from 3 iron to putter, every single shot was accompanied by the ubiquitous, “Get in the hole”. I assume by the same bloke.

We could give him the benefit of the doubt, and assume that he was shouting “Get in the hole!” at a badly behaved mole of some description. But in reality I just think he was a twat.

To my complete surprise, the TV companies continue to play the audio of these shouts. Surely it’s only a matter of time before the advertisers spot this gap in the market? How long till each shot from Tiger Woods is accompanied by the instant cry of, “Buy Budweiser!” or “Two Big Macs for the price of one all this week!”

Or, what if you’d had money on Ernie Els to win? Could you follow Tiger round the course and greet each shot with, “Miss by a fucking mile!” and “Get in the bunker!”?

No tags