A little white lie never hurt anyone.
Well, I say they’ve never hurt anyone, they have of course sent a few people to prison, but they’ve rarely caused actual physical harm to anyone. So in general they are OK to use on an alarmingly frequent basis.
However, there are some fucking massive great whopping lies that get told on a regular basis without care or consideration for the consequences. They are, without exception, bollocks.
“The cheque is in the post” – Oh not it fucking isn’t you pikey fuck. Pay up!
“Of course I’ll respect you in the morning” – Get your kit off. Now. And what’s your name again?
“I’m really sorry about this, but…” – No you’re not. In fact, you’re probably taking some sort of perverse pleasure in giving me this imminent piece of bad news you sociopathic wank-rag.
“I don’t mean to be rude, but….” – Don’t fucking say it then. The words don’t seem to be slipping out, there’s definite intention there, so keep them to yourselves if you don’t want a fucking slap.
“There are weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq” – Yup, they were right at the end of that Rainbow weren’t they?
“I’ll be five minutes” - Fuck. Right. Off. What you mean is, I have no concept of time, it is all irrelevant to me and I’ll be ready when my circadian rhythm tells me I’m ready.
And the motherfucking daddy of them all?
“Your call is important to us. We are doing everything we can to answer your call as quickly as we possibly can.”
What’s the worst (best?) lie you’ve ever told, and do people now know it was a lie?
No tags
21 comments
<< Ear ache
goober dust · July 20, 2006 at 9:49 am
i told work that i had food poisoning and went to the phoenix festival for four days in 1996
when i got back to work on monday black as the ace of spades and looking knackered from only a couple of hours sleep a night over the whole time everybody took real pity on me
best skive of my life!
BoyOnTop · July 20, 2006 at 9:55 am
“We are sorry for the delay to your journey…”
No their fucking not! The directors of the train companies still seem to be able to claim their bonuses, despite the delays…
Marycub · July 20, 2006 at 10:28 am
Don’t think i could admit to it on here because the wrong people might stumble across my confession and i’ll be in the shit.
But trust me it’s a bad one :/
As for “your call is important to us” it’s 100 times worse when THEY RING YOU then put u on hold.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · July 20, 2006 at 10:40 am
goober dust – Hello. You ‘blacked-up’ to go to work? Isn’t that a bit racialist?
BoT – I think this is true of any pre-recorded apology?
Marycub – Go on, spill, we’re all friends here…. ahem…
Grinot Gringo · July 20, 2006 at 11:15 am
Mr Angry,
Do you think the frequent ‘I love you’ comments from various (hopefully) female posters to this site are harmless white lies or more….
Dr_Clip · July 20, 2006 at 11:20 am
Dr_Clip is a highly motivated, team player with industry expertise. Over achieving in all areas of his work, his tenacity, combined with his inspirational ideas means that he is a genuine contributor to the overall success of the business.
*copy right Dr Clip, if this does help you get a job I would like 5% of annual salary, and 15% of annual bonus. Usual terms and conditions apply.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · July 20, 2006 at 12:56 pm
Grinot Gringo – Are you dyslexic? And they are heartfelt comments. Obviously.
Dr Clip – inspirational ideas? Such as “Let’s have lunch at the pub today”?
Ranting Dullard · July 20, 2006 at 1:34 pm
Not sure of which lie I particuarly hate, but one sentence that puts shivers down my spine is something that my mrs says on occasion.
‘Dulalrd, I’ve been thinking…..’
It basicaly means that I will have to spend cash at some stage for something I will not benefit from.
Make Poverty History was a complete lie. I’m still skint.
TJ · July 20, 2006 at 3:35 pm
“with all due respect …………..”. Aka I don’t have any respect for you and I don’t give a shit about your opinion
ellie · July 20, 2006 at 5:12 pm
I love you.
nf girl · July 20, 2006 at 5:32 pm
Er…
I can’t see you anymore because I am seeing someone. And it’s serious.
I didn’t get your text.
I don’t normally do this.
I’m a good girl really.
I never fuck on the first date.
I’ll call you.
Leopoldo Fregoli · July 20, 2006 at 5:36 pm
“It’s not you, it’s me…”
WHY do people still fall for this line?
It is as old as my cock is long.
Leopoldo Fregoli · July 20, 2006 at 5:37 pm
Clarification: it is about 4 inches old.
Marycub · July 20, 2006 at 6:28 pm
No really i can’t say but lets just say it involves sex… it normally always does, doesn’t it lol.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · July 20, 2006 at 7:08 pm
RD – “Make relative poverty history” isn’t as catchy though.
TJ – Not really a lie if you don’t think any respek is due though? More ‘misleading’ I think…
Ellie – I’m sure you do. Now, about those lies?
NF – How did I know your list would be the longest.
Leo – and no fallback “It’s cold today” excuse, oh the shame…
Marycub – which sex and what sex? Spill it!
Tired Dad · July 21, 2006 at 12:13 am
This is a good blog.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · July 21, 2006 at 10:32 am
Tired Dad – Hello. It is rather, isn’t it?
lloyd · July 21, 2006 at 6:53 pm
My salary when applying for new jobs.P60? Lie about that as well
Marycub · July 22, 2006 at 1:12 pm
the biggest lie of them all has got to be-
“oh yes darling i came too”
don’t deny it
(that isn’t my big secret lie btw)
karilyn · July 23, 2006 at 9:17 pm
this will not hurt is a fave lie before shoving a syringe into a patient.
no the green spots are a common side effect
Oli · July 24, 2006 at 9:05 am
It might help to note that most of the staving people in africa have more money than us, its close to 85% of people over the age of 20 in the uk are in debt.
Since the starving people in africa have such a poor credit rating they cant get into debt, therefore i vote that for the next live 8 gig we send a load of white blokes to sing in central africa, perhaps on a farm somewhere.