Whilst I was away this weekend, the topic of endangered species came up over dinner one night. You know, as it does. I think maybe there was something rare or endangered on the menu. Roasted Peregrine Falcon or Southern Fried Dodo or such like. This prompted a surprising confession from one of the lads.
“I actually sponsor a Panda.” he said nonchalantly without looking up from the table.
“To do what exactly?” I queried, “Run the London Marathon? Undertake a tandem skydive?”
“Well nothing like that I guess, I just contribute for his upkeep”
“That’s not really sponsoring him then is it? In fact, it’s actually a bit shit when you think about it. You’re just paying it maintenance, voluntarily. I would imagine the CSA wish there were more people like you.”
If it’s sponsorship that they want, then I would pay good money to see a Panda spend 24 hours in bathtub of baked beans. He would also be be earning his own keep this way, so I’m sure it would help with any self-esteem issues he may have. Like most proud bears he probably resents the handouts. Their monochrome faces practically scream, “I am not a charity case!”.
Unless of course they are off their tits from eating bamboo and leaves, in which case they’ll greedily take whatever they can get.
A marathon might be a bit much for a Panda to complete though, and it would probably draw a lot of unwanted attention whilst he was training. I think they would probably have to run in some sort of disguise on the day too. Like a pantomime horse or something. In fact, has anyone ever seen inside a marathon-running pantomime horse?
Maybe that’s how those Panda’s are keeping themselves in bamboo-crack and can afford to live in the manner to which they’ve become accustomed? After all, you never see a homeless Panda do you?
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ellie · July 11, 2006 at 11:31 am
I sponsor a tiger. Do you think it should run a marathon too?
I ran a marathon. I bet your panda would look more natural doing it in the horse suit than I did in my expensive marathon kit.
US · July 11, 2006 at 12:01 pm
I’d like to see it swim the channel. It could do it with a David Walliams costume.
TJ · July 11, 2006 at 12:01 pm
Given that the panda is one of the world’s most endangered species, I reckon most ’sponsor a panda’ funding is being used to incentivise them to mate.
I think TV is missing a trick given the potential for a reality TV show called ‘Pimp My Panda’. That way people can see how their money is spent rather than doing crappy sponsorship and not seeing a return. For example, ’sponsoring a star’ and giving the certificate to a loved one as a birthday gift so if you are miles apart you can lovingly look up and see your star amongst 5 billion others. Not to mention the UKs track record for having cloudless skies.
Sorry I digress and no, no-one has ever bought me a star!
greavsie · July 11, 2006 at 12:22 pm
I think that a sky-diving Panda would fit the bill. As long as it doesn’t crap over the landing zone on the way down.
BoyOnTop · July 11, 2006 at 12:51 pm
If a Panda walked up and asked me to sign its sponsorship form for running the marathon I can honestly say I’d sign and be generous.
nf girl · July 11, 2006 at 12:54 pm
I was thinking of holding a charity fuck-a-thon*.
Sponsorship? Anyone?
*Not with Pandas, obviously. With men.
US · July 11, 2006 at 3:36 pm
NF Girl – would that be for Sport Relief or Comic Relief?
nf girl · July 11, 2006 at 3:37 pm
Hand relief?
Admin comment by Mr Angry · July 11, 2006 at 6:00 pm
ellie – Do Nike not do Panda sizes?
US – perhaps it already has?…
TJ – Pimp my panda eh? If only we knew a real life Pimp who could advise on how such a thing could work.
greavsie – it might be a bit of shock when you push it out of the plane though?
BoT – *goes to look for Panda costume*
NF – I get the impression raising money wouldn’t be your prime motivation?…
Pimp · July 11, 2006 at 6:21 pm
I could tell you all about the Panda thing but according to Oli I’ve got a thing for Mr Angry myself.
Maybe it’s time I went away!
Admin comment by Mr Angry · July 11, 2006 at 6:43 pm
Pimp – You won’t take all the ladies away with you will you?…
Ranting Dullard · July 11, 2006 at 8:22 pm
I hate pandas. Ugly bastard things they are. Even pandas hate other pandas. Look how many excuses they come up with to avoid panda sex. It tells you something doesnt it
The Editor · July 13, 2006 at 12:20 am
The Giant Panda could save the world if it reminds China that they’re making too many sets of garden furniture for homebase