Whilst I was away this weekend, the topic of endangered species came up over dinner one night. You know, as it does. I think maybe there was something rare or endangered on the menu. Roasted Peregrine Falcon or Southern Fried Dodo or such like. This prompted a surprising confession from one of the lads.

“I actually sponsor a Panda.” he said nonchalantly without looking up from the table.

“To do what exactly?” I queried, “Run the London Marathon? Undertake a tandem skydive?”

“Well nothing like that I guess, I just contribute for his upkeep”

“That’s not really sponsoring him then is it? In fact, it’s actually a bit shit when you think about it. You’re just paying it maintenance, voluntarily. I would imagine the CSA wish there were more people like you.”

If it’s sponsorship that they want, then I would pay good money to see a Panda spend 24 hours in bathtub of baked beans. He would also be be earning his own keep this way, so I’m sure it would help with any self-esteem issues he may have. Like most proud bears he probably resents the handouts. Their monochrome faces practically scream, “I am not a charity case!”.

Unless of course they are off their tits from eating bamboo and leaves, in which case they’ll greedily take whatever they can get.

A marathon might be a bit much for a Panda to complete though, and it would probably draw a lot of unwanted attention whilst he was training. I think they would probably have to run in some sort of disguise on the day too. Like a pantomime horse or something. In fact, has anyone ever seen inside a marathon-running pantomime horse?

Maybe that’s how those Panda’s are keeping themselves in bamboo-crack and can afford to live in the manner to which they’ve become accustomed? After all, you never see a homeless Panda do you?

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