This is not a post about the lovely Cheryl Baker and the effect her hastily removed skirt had on a pre-pubescent Mr Angry. It is not that kind of website.
Instead, I’m going to tell you about dinner last Saturday. Yet another stag do, of which there have been many this year, and dinner at a lively bistro. We arrive in good time despite no air-conditioning on the coach on one of the hottest days of the year. So I was little irritable.
As we took our table, the nice waitress brought over some menus and asked what we’d like to drink, “Lots of beer please” was the reply, and off she went to fetch us copious amount of strong continental lager. We perused the menus whilst catching up and taking the piss out of each other (I only meet up with my Uni mates once or twice a year). After about ten minutes we were still waiting for our drinks and getting rather hungry.
“Christ, ar could eet a scabby dogs dick like“, said barely-comprehensible-Geordie Mart.
“It’s not on the menu Mart, maybe we could check the specials board?” came the reply.
When it got to fifteen, we’d read the menu a couple of dozen times, and were salivating at the various deliciousness laid out before us. Finally our drinks arrived.
“Right, what would you like to eat?” asked smiley waitress whilst looking at little Inch-High at the head of the table.
“Er, right, I guess I should take a look at this menu?” came inch-highs reply.
“Oh, should I give you a few more minutes then?” said the waitress.
It took two of them to restrain me because at that precise moment I could easily have ripped Inch-Highs face off of and fed it to barely-comprehensible-Geordie Mart in place of a scabby dogs dick.
It’s not like he couldn’t see we were all starving and ready to order, so why not read the menu when the rest of us were? This is very selfish, and the minute or two delay could make a significant difference to the rest of the evening, and in fact the rest of our lives. Had he not seen Sliding Doors? Someone could die.
Anyway we ordered, and Mart had some sausage based concoction that looked like scabby dogs dick.
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22 comments
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Dr J · June 23, 2006 at 8:39 am
Cheer up mate. You know what the Python Boys say….
Mr Pedantic · June 23, 2006 at 10:31 am
Oh no… That’s two posts in a row. I can’t restrain myself further… ***PLURALS DO NOT HAVE APOSTROPHES*** …I’m thinking happy thoughts… happy thoughts… beautiful summer’s day… somewhere outside my office…
Do you realise how much therapy you’ve undone?
Admin comment by Mr Angry · June 23, 2006 at 10:51 am
Dr J – If I did, I’d have nothing to write about.
Mr P – Hello, it was possessive, err, honest. Anyway, I’ve changed it to help with your blood pressure. Better?
BoyOnTop · June 23, 2006 at 12:52 pm
Mr A, did you just appologise? Blimey.
Yes, selfish, but I particularly hate the fact waiting staff uses such excuses to disappear for another ten minutes.
Dr J · June 23, 2006 at 2:06 pm
Sorry. I assumed you’d get the “Sliding Doors” reference.
The anticipated reply is “Always look on the bright side of life.”
The actual response given is “What? No-body expects the Spanish Inqisition?”
Bum! Now I’ve had to explain my own joke and it doesn’t really work then does it.
Still never mind. You know what the Python Boys say…
karilyn · June 23, 2006 at 2:56 pm
so true cause like how long will it take to decide to eat some thing….. it’s not international contract negogiation or some massive ethical debate.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · June 23, 2006 at 2:58 pm
BoT – yes, I do apologise from time to time, I’m not some sort of Ogre you know. That said, wait till Mr Pedantic sees how you spelt apologise.
Dr J – I got the “Always look on the bright side…” reference, not the others. Monty Python was a little before my time I’m afraid, so don’t have it memorised like some of a ‘certain age’.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · June 23, 2006 at 2:58 pm
karilyn – and after all that he had a cheesburger and chips.
Ranting Dullard · June 23, 2006 at 2:59 pm
What on earth are doing eating in public with geordies? Take a dog tied to a string instead, they have much better social skills.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · June 23, 2006 at 3:08 pm
RD – He’s actually from Middlesbrough, but calling him a Geordie is much funnier. (Still no non-Blogger folks on your site btw…)
BoyOnTop · June 23, 2006 at 3:34 pm
I am impressed and humbled.
I never apologise for my spelling else I would forever being saying sorry. It is my personal cross that I inflict on the rest of the world (quite selfishly…)
Dr J · June 23, 2006 at 4:31 pm
Not for the first time I feel compeelled to remind the “younger generation” that I have the power to have any one of their number committed to an asylum at the stroke of a pen. So we’ll have less of the backchat young feller me lad….
Imagine that. Me with the power to decide who’s a Mentalist
*whatever gives you the impression it’s hot, I’m tetchy and the Duty Surgery this afternoon’s a bit of a ‘mare?*
ellie · June 23, 2006 at 4:34 pm
Does Katy ever comment?
Admin comment by Mr Angry · June 23, 2006 at 4:55 pm
Dr J – “I hereby commit Mr Angry off of the Internet”
ellie – You scared her off…
Ranting Dullard · June 23, 2006 at 7:45 pm
Hang on Dr J I can detain people too. Maybe I will section you under 5(4) see how you like it.
z · June 23, 2006 at 9:24 pm
This is hotter and hotter. Goodness, do I like men.
and karilyn and ellie too of course, but they are the voices of sweet reason.
I am happily agog.
Pimp · June 24, 2006 at 7:52 am
Do I need to start pimping for Z now as well?
z · June 24, 2006 at 8:30 pm
*z is very quiet*
Admin comment by Mr Angry · June 25, 2006 at 1:20 am
RD – If you’re looking for people to section, this website could be a fertile hunting ground…
Z – agog away
pimp – Do you not have enough be-atches?
z – best to remain that way…
Leopoldo Fregoli · June 25, 2006 at 11:29 am
I had something that looked like a scabby dog’s dick on friday night too!
I’m never going back to that gay sauna again.
Aleece · June 26, 2006 at 9:22 pm
OOOOOOO Mista aaangry, you are soy angry…
- “that’s hot”
Admin comment by Mr Angry · June 27, 2006 at 9:43 am
Leopoldo – if it looks, feels, tastes like one, it probably is one.
Aleece – you look quite fit on your site so you can come on here and poke fun at me anytime.