Oh yes they are!
I can almost hear the Hippies amongst you going, “What about the Honey Angry?“, and “They pollinate the flowers Angry“.
Well, I say fuck ‘em.
I don’t eat honey, and there’s too many flowers to choose from at Interflora as it is. They serve no useful purpose whatsoever and do nothing but frighten small children with their evil incessant buzzing.
I was stung as a child, in case you hadn’t guessed, and my Mum nearly fainted because she couldn’t get the bee-sting out of my wrist whist the Bee was still hanging from it. I think I was six, maybe seven. From memory it hurt, but I don’t remember the pain, I just remember thinking, “Fucking hell, I think my mums going to fucking faint!”.
I was quite a foul-mouthed child.
What I don’t understand is what goes through the mind of a Bee when it’s about to sting you? We all know they going to die doing it, so what’s the point? Stinging someone offers no evolutionary benefit at all, so I don’t see how they’re still around today. If each sting didn’t draw their intestines out of their arses I could understand it. But they do, and I don’t.
Perhaps they are the suicide bombers of the insect world? Could it be that they believe 72 virgin bees await them in bee-heaven if they sacrifice themselves to ruin my Sunday afternoon nap? See, I didn’t think I could hate bees any more than I did, but now that I’m thinking of them as Al-Quaeda sympathisers my hatred has just edged up a notch.
In the end, all they do is piss you off, and hurt quite a bit when they do sting you, which is of course just before they die a hideous death. So I reckon we should get the fuckers first with any pre-emptive strike opportunity that presents itself. In fact, we should actively seek out Bees and smash the little black-and-yellow bastards all over the nearest wall.
Oh, and wasps are cunts too.
No tags
Shamash · June 21, 2006 at 8:06 am
Bees seem to be nice fuzzy creatures – buzzing around they seem to be the Dopey of the animal world. From a distance.
Go within twenty feet of one and they’ve become insect F-15. But they are nice things at heart. For your enemies.
Ranting Dullard · June 21, 2006 at 8:07 am
As the great John Shuttleworth sang
‘Get down on you knee to the honeybee
‘cos she is very nice
Before you kill her with a rolled up mirror
Think twice
How would that Bee’s mother feel
if she found out her child is a ghost
and you’ll have nothing to spread on your toast.
The wasp however is an evil fella
a creature of little worth
that buzzes in cars
and around jam jars
and must be removed from this earth
Oli · June 21, 2006 at 8:51 am
Ive been stung a few tmies, never found it that painful! Bees dont sting you that often, you can catch them in your hands and they wont sting you, obviously you must have been doing something to annoy the bee.
z · June 21, 2006 at 9:23 am
A bee doesn’t know she’s going to die of she stings you. She’s gutted when she finds out.
z · June 21, 2006 at 9:24 am
‘Of’?? sorry, meant ‘if’ of course
Dr J · June 21, 2006 at 9:31 am
*Memo to self*
Stop reading “I am livid” beofr consulting. Every morning this week I have ended up greeting at least one punter whilst grinning like an idiot. Stop being so damned funny will you.
Oh, and I’m with you on the whole stingy insect thing. Still those big bast*rd black flying ants are worse. I’ve seen their bites give blisters the size of honey pot lids.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · June 21, 2006 at 9:43 am
Shamash – There is nothing nice about them, nothing!
RD – He’s wrong, Honeybee’s are shit too.
Oli – I haven’t been stung since I was child, and they’re just spiteful bastards.
z – nice ‘gutted’ pun, I assume it was on purpose?
Dr J – Laughter is the best medicine you know, but it did fuck all for my man-flu in January.
Dr J · June 21, 2006 at 9:56 am
Bother (ha didn’t say Bum– oh– bum!)
That should of course have read “before consulting”.
*Memo to self*
Don’t try to type immediately after reading “I am livid”. That way lies madness…..
nf girl · June 21, 2006 at 9:57 am
Aren’t bees all men who work all day long, to serve their queen?
That’s kinda sexy.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · June 21, 2006 at 10:14 am
Dr J – I skim read so generally miss any typo’s anyway. And a lot of the jokes as a rule.
NF – The workers are androgenous, and don’t do ’sexy’. Sorry.
Dr J · June 21, 2006 at 10:35 am
Re the laughter thing… not much good after major abdominal surgery either. Nor for bees, gutless bast*rds.
NF- It’s the worthless layabout Drones that are the males…. go figure.
z · June 21, 2006 at 10:51 am
Yes, I punned.
I have read that if you leave a bee with its sting in you and stay still, it will untwist itself and fly away unhurt, leaving you unhurt too. This seems frankly unlikely and I am never likely to try it. But you can if you like.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · June 21, 2006 at 1:13 pm
Dr J – pun ahoy!
z – Things that break the skin tend to smart at least a little bit.
greavsie · June 21, 2006 at 1:16 pm
I’d like to be able to sting people, not as Bee mind you but it would make me feel better.
karilyn · June 21, 2006 at 1:46 pm
let’s ddt every pollen sucking bastard.
amadea · June 21, 2006 at 2:09 pm
It’s impossible to talk about bees without getting into sex. We have got those wonderful insects to teach children all about it.
I missed that point in your entry, MrAngry, honey.
Chairwoman · June 21, 2006 at 2:49 pm
Shouldn’t that be Al Quabeeda?
Oli · June 21, 2006 at 3:04 pm
Think your having an effect on me angry, my posts are getting fairly complainingish, may need to read NF’s blog a bit more often to spice things up a bit.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · June 21, 2006 at 3:04 pm
greavsie – try poison darts?
karilyn – We can call ourselves the Bee-Team *gets coat*
Amadea – It’s not all about sex you know, you crazy Europeans you.
Katy’s Mum – would you like to borrow my coat or did you bring your own?
Admin comment by Mr Angry · June 21, 2006 at 3:09 pm
Oli – it’s good for the soul
z · June 21, 2006 at 4:12 pm
It’s not all about sex?
What is it all about then?
*bewildered slump*
nf girl · June 21, 2006 at 4:59 pm
It’s all about sex.
All of it. Everything.
(I think I have had too much champagne.)
Admin comment by Mr Angry · June 21, 2006 at 5:15 pm
z / nf – I’ve just been to a meeting about a problem customer and informed everyone, “It’s all about sex, all of it!”
I’m not actually sure it is y’know
BoyOnTop · June 21, 2006 at 5:40 pm
It is all about sex, definately.
That problem customer? Probably not getting enough of it, so is venting frustration through only angle open that doesn’t involve pissing off potential sex partners.
See?
Admin comment by Mr Angry · June 21, 2006 at 5:46 pm
BoT – is that what’s known as a ‘Eureka!’ moment? Wait till I tell the Account Manager he’s going to have to shag his male customer to sort it all out…
Four Dinners · June 21, 2006 at 7:00 pm
Used to ‘roll’ bumble bees in me fingers as a baby I’m told. Never hurt ‘em n never got stung. Have to disagree with yer here. Like bees ’cause they’re weird. Wasps are cunts though.
Katy Newton · June 21, 2006 at 7:59 pm
I like bees. They are furry and their colours are very cheerful. Also, they shouldn’t be able to fly at all. And yet they do.
tideliar · June 21, 2006 at 8:38 pm
We have these bees here in the States that a Scottish mate of mine decribed as “Fucking Jurrassic” as he tried to burrow, screaming, through my screendoor trying to get away from ‘em. Some evil fucking wasps too. Look like something out of a horror movie…couple of inches long with needle thin abdomens. Wierd and nauseating. My cat tries to eat ‘em. Now that’s dumb.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · June 21, 2006 at 10:26 pm
FD – Wasps are just semi automatic Bees
Katy – Black is cheerful? What colour do you paint your walls?
tideliar – Hello. And yeah yeah, we know, everything is bigger in America…
Oli · June 22, 2006 at 8:45 am
“couple of inches long with needle thin abdomens. Wierd and nauseating”
Daddy Long Legs?
“tideliar – Hello. And yeah yeah, we know, everything is bigger in America…”
Not everything hehehe
Sooz · June 22, 2006 at 11:05 pm
Tsk.
Bees don’t hurt you unless their lives depend upon it – hence they err die doing it. Stinging you.
Wasps – they do it for fun. They’re really the nasty bastards of the insect world. Oh and horseflies cos they settle without you knowing they’re there and sting/bite you viciously.
Bees are gentle creatures.
Your mother was at fault. She could’ve saved you from trauma and erratic fear of bees by scraping Mr Suicidal Bee off your arm fast.
(if she’d have removed his sting straight away and then rubbed your sore lickle handy with an onion or some vinegar then you’d have been just fine!)
Bees are good. Lovely. Sweet. Gentle.
Mothers are not.
Katy Newton · June 24, 2006 at 8:45 am
Black. Duh…
Katy Newton · June 24, 2006 at 8:45 am
(Actually a sort of pale coffee colour. But I had boxed myself into a comments corner.)
Sooz · June 25, 2006 at 2:16 am
Oh crap!
I told you the wrong treatment. Sorry.
If it was a bee – then you use bicarbonate of soda (alkaline??) and if it was a wasp then you use vinegar.
Do you flap Mr Angry – when buzzy things come near you?
Sooz · June 25, 2006 at 2:17 am
Oh and for fainting mothers – leave them down there and step over them whilst loudly proclaiming that you don’t know them and that they’re nothing to do with you.
My mother fainted when she was pregnant and wearing platform boots whilst walking across the village green. I’ve never got over it…
marycub · June 27, 2006 at 7:48 pm
hornets are the worst stingy things of all.
they are the pyschopathic.