Artists can be unbearably pretentious shits. But they are nothing, simply nothing, compared to art collectors. They are the utter scum of the earth. I have nothing but bilious contempt for anyone who spends £73m on one painting. OK, it might have been a gallery that spent the money in this case, but it’s still £73m.
Do any of you have any concept of what £73m looks like? I’ll tell you. It looks like a really fucking massive pile of cash, enough to ensure that you, and pretty much anyone you know, never has to work ever again.
And the Neue Gallery in New York has spunked that wad on this tripe by Gustav Klimt :
Isn’t it fucking shit?
She’s not even in proportion and seems to be wearing some sort of patchwork quilt, added to the fact that she’s failing miserably to do a one-person armwave breakdance move. He must’ve really hated the bird he was painting. I bet she was fucking gutted when she saw the results. “I don’t even know what breakdancing is you bastard!”
Honestly, I used to produce better pictures in GCSE Art & Design (I got a ‘B’, thanks for asking).
I’m no Heathen though. I like a good painting, or even a decent abstract. I’ve Ooo’d and Ahh’d at the Sistine Chapel, but I thought the Mona Lisa was a moody bitch (and like Gazza, much smaller in real life). But I wouldn’t pay more than a couple of hundred quid for any of it. Would you?
As for these new-age artists that don’t even try and paint something good, well, they deserve painful and miserable deaths for fobbing us off with the shite they’re producing year on year.
Tracy Emin? Completely talentless slag. She WON an AWARD for an unmade bed covered in condoms and dirty knickers! There are students up and down the country doing just that free of charge every day. She also made an autobiographical film in 1997 called “CV (Cunt Vernacular)”, which was one word too long in my opinion.
Damien Hirst? Death-obsessed ponce. He was, at one point, the second most expensive living ‘artist’ after selling a piece called “The Physical Impossibility Of Death In the Mind Of Someone Living“. Which was basically a big pickled fish in a tank. It didn’t swim or anything. Utterly rubbish. I’d like to chop him in half, put him a tank of formaldehyde, and submit it for the Turner prize. I’d call it, “The insufferable cuntishness of modern artists“.
Can we please go back to having artists that paint things that are immediately recognisable, or are at the very least ‘easy on the eye’, a nice bright abstract is fine by me.
Do any of you collect art? If so, are you a fucking mentalist?
No tags
Oli · June 20, 2006 at 8:32 am
Two great examples of art gone mad
That empty room with a flashing white light, won sme big gaylord prize in the art world.
The second on was on reuters a week or two ago, basically an artist was applying to put a statue of a head up, so they asked him to set it up and he received a letter saying his art had been accepted.
when he actually found out they had taken the white block that the statue had been on, and a stick that had been propping it up he promptly told them of their mistake, alas, the statue itself wasnt good enough for the gallery,
Sorry for the broken story, I woke up about 7 minutes ago and have just stumbled into work!
Oli · June 20, 2006 at 8:33 am
They took the waht block and the stick and put them IN he gallery, I really should proof read.
Dr J · June 20, 2006 at 9:18 am
Happened to be in London a few weeks ago and went to Tate Modern. Saw the room full of white plastic boxes. From the sort of viewing gallery thingy we looked down on it and saw what we took to be a part of the piece, a lonely Garden Gnome poised on one of the boxes. Turned out to be someone having a bit of a laugh, but on the whole I thought it enhaced the “Art” 1000%.
BoyOnTop · June 20, 2006 at 9:53 am
Now now, I like Klimt, though I wouldn’t pay £73m. Emin and Hearst though? Art as pure concept just leaves me cold. If there’s no craft it isn’t art.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · June 20, 2006 at 10:12 am
Oli – a statue, or an actual head? You must check with todays ‘artists’.
Dr J – There is very little in this world that can’t be improved with a Gnome.
BoT – We all like a bit of Kilmt, ahem.
goober dust · June 20, 2006 at 10:16 am
if it’s entertainment in your art you want
see here:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/arts/4563751.stm
Admin comment by Mr Angry · June 20, 2006 at 10:38 am
Hello Goober Dust – I had an Aunty Goober Dust once, you’re not her are you? Good link by the way.
goober dust · June 20, 2006 at 10:52 am
not last time i looked – but then the dust does funny stuff to you
check out banksys website here:
http://www.banksy.co.uk
just managed to waste a whole lot of works time on it
nf girl · June 20, 2006 at 11:11 am
At school I was not one of the Artists, but I went on a gallery tour because it meant a day off school. Most of my friends were art students and liked to act superior.
We stopped to look at a sculpture. A naked woman, with arms and legs cut off.
“Notice the fluid form of the woman, what do you think she is doing?” The guide asked.
Puzzled silence from the Artists.
“She’s wading in water.” I said, bored.
I was right. The Artists were stunned. (While they studied art, I studied naked bodies. Go figure.)
For the next four years, whenever they acted superior with their Art bollocks, I would smile sweetly and say –
“Yes, much like a woman wading in water, right?”
nf girl · June 20, 2006 at 11:13 am
Sorry, that was practically a whole post of a comment.
Oops.
PS – Angry, I think I love you.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · June 20, 2006 at 11:29 am
NF – A woman with no arms or legs wading in water? (Can I make a joke about her name being Bob?).
Ranting Dullard · June 20, 2006 at 5:52 pm
Ha! I married an artist. Frankly her work is shit. But when I first started to date her I pretended it was realy meaningful and cool.
Now she doesnt paint anything other than the bathroom wall.
amadea · June 20, 2006 at 7:45 pm
The Klimt expert Wolfgang Fischer called “The golden Adele”, the Austrian Mona Lisa. You know that Austria had to give the aboved mentioned painting with others back to the Bloch-Bauer-family.
And they were sold to the Ronald S. Lauder.
Critics in Austria say he paid far too much and the painting would not have reached that amount of money in an auction.
But – Mr Angry. It is a piece of art. That is a fact.
Fischer describes the painting as an exclusive mixture of ornament and a body that has been suffering” (I translated that from German, might not be the correct phrasing)
The problems with the works of Klimt is that nowadys you see them everywhere. On mouse pads, teacups, umbrellas, T-shirts. Just the same as Mozart’s image.
I like the early works of Klimt.
So if you ever come to Austria, I do invite you to visit one of our many galleries to see some of Klimt’s work in real. I am sure some of them will please your eye.
Grüße aus Salzburg, Österreich
Admin comment by Mr Angry · June 20, 2006 at 11:36 pm
RD – Praising an artist to get into her knickers is well within the boundaries of acceptable behaviour. So long as she’s fit?
Amadea – Hello. If I go to Austria again I’ll be too busy getting arseholed on strong continental lager to notice pretty pictures, sorry.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · June 20, 2006 at 11:46 pm
Amadea – I just took the time to look at your blog, why couldn’t you have written it in a nice European languange like English instead of that gobbledigook?
karilyn · June 21, 2006 at 2:00 am
so you spend 73 million on a painting…… do they throw in a few rolls of wall paper, a bit of carpet and a few curtains.
art smhart…. a load of shite!
ellie · June 21, 2006 at 6:53 am
NF. Mr. Angry. Katy. I sense a triangle here.
Oli · June 21, 2006 at 8:49 am
Getting Jealous Ellie? =p
I know i am
amadea · June 21, 2006 at 9:20 am
Haha, MrAngry.
Well, what shall I say.
I am NOT talking about pretty pictures – I am talking of ART-works.
Is it a coincidence that the word “fart” includes the word “art”? Just a thought.
By the way – German is a Euroopean language – and just as you Brits are too lazy learning languages, does not mean everyone has to write in English. My humour does not come through that well in English. There are a few posts in English, though, MrAngry. And don’t you dare correcting me.
Teaching languages in England is like gardening in a gale. I was teaching German in a Comprehensive School near London – so I know.
And a few pick-up-lines would do you good, MrAngry. For the nice ladies