Many of you* are wondering how I got on at this years Superstars event. Well, before I tell you all about it, I think I’d better just clarify the rules. Just so you know it wasn’t a fix.
Firstly, there are ten events, and you must participate in all of them. First place in each event is awarded 14 points with each subsequent placing earning one point less, until last place, which receives 1 point. You also have a Joker which you can play in any event and this doubles your score for that discipline. It’s quite simple really, and much less time consuming than the Eurovision system.
The entire event schedule for Superstars 2006 reads thus:
- Ten Pin Bowling (4)
- Tournament Pool (4)
- Golf – 18 hole stableford (9)
- Clay Pigeon Shooting (1)
- Archery (2)
- Football (6)
- Basketball (3)
- Necking of a pint (6)
- Bleep test (8)
- Dips & squats (2)
As you can see, it’s a fairly mixed set of events in which all areas of a competitors natural sporting ability is tested. My final position in each event is in brackets. This meant I finished second overall, and so was, for once, quite a happy bunny.
I am officially the second most naturally talented sportsman I know. Also this gives me a years bragging rights over all of my friends. Except for one of them of course. But I have decided he is the “40% gay” one so I guess I am now officially the best 100%-straight sportsman I know. I may have a t-shirt made.
A few of the things I learned this past weekend;
- I seem to be a natural with assorted weaponry, having never fired a shotgun or pulled a bow, I won the clay-pigeon shooting by quite a margin and came second in archery to someone who’s been having lessons. I’m not sure this a good thing for someone with my general disposition.
- Golf is a bit of a lottery when 36 handicappers are getting 38 stableford points by the 15th hole. Fucking bandits.
- Try as I might, I cannot get under 10 seconds to neck a pint.
- The bleep test is for the gayers.
- Bowling alleys contain some really sad fuckers. One bloke had a bottle of beer in the middle of a clear ball. The twat.
- If your group gets talking to a big Hen party and you end up dancing with the Hen, you have the least chance of pulling.
- Hotels with broken elevators will have stairs that require crampons and oxygen to climb them.
- Never exercise with a hangover. Ever.
- 14 males should book club entrance in advance. Always.
- Read number 8 again, it’s really fucking important.
As I finished 2nd overall, feel free to leave messages of congratulations below. Then I can get back to being pissed off tomorrow.
* Many equals more than one and is not limited readers of this site and may include close family members that gave birth to me.
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23 comments
<< The Dawdler
z · June 14, 2006 at 8:06 am
Congratulations. A wonderful result, and just that bit cooler than finishing first, don’t you think? The one who finished first tried just that bit too hard and must be a touch insecure to need that sort of self-affirmation.
What’s a bleep test? or am I being stupid.
Oli · June 14, 2006 at 8:48 am
First the worst, second the best!
Congratulations on second place, Did first place go to a competitive nut?
Dr J · June 14, 2006 at 9:23 am
Well played indeed.
Tough luck about the Hen tho’
Dr Clip · June 14, 2006 at 9:55 am
A interesting summary Mr Angry. Shame about the Archery. And you didnt practice for the other events…….?
nf girl · June 14, 2006 at 10:15 am
Angry, you big strong man.
*swoon*
mighty wright · June 14, 2006 at 11:48 am
necking a pint – 8th
bleep test – 9th
not looking good is it angry….?!
greavsie · June 14, 2006 at 12:04 pm
Was David Coleman commentating?
Ranting Dullard · June 14, 2006 at 12:44 pm
point 8 is an agreeable one.
I remember vomiting in the gym at a previous club. Oh the shame
Admin comment by Mr Angry · June 14, 2006 at 1:05 pm
z – You’re right of course, I am the coolest. A bleep test description can be found HERE.. Professional sportsman use it to assess cardio fitness.
Oli – the winner was 40% gay. A very competitive Gay.
Dr J – she was nice too!
Dr Clip – us natural athletes don’t need practice. Ahem.
NF – I AM DE MAN!
Mighty Wright – A little room for improvement for next year.
Greavsie – no, but we had a Murray Walker / Zippy from Rainbow commentary team for the pint necking.
RD – I managed to keep the vomit on the inside. Just.
BoyOnTop · June 14, 2006 at 2:35 pm
Second place is cooler than first?
There are times when I really really don’t understand the English…
Oli · June 14, 2006 at 3:10 pm
BOT, people who get too competitive at things that really arnt that competitive are jsut plain annoying, whereas people who are just naturally good we dont mind =p
Cleavers in Canada · June 14, 2006 at 3:19 pm
Good lord, people do this kind of thing for fun? And with a hangover?
I’m intrigued as to how a person gets ranked in a football game – number of goals? Number of fouls? Number of dives? The last one standing?
Admin comment by Mr Angry · June 14, 2006 at 3:35 pm
BoT – we love a plucky loser this side of the pond y’know.
Oli – Spot on!
Cleavers – Welcome. Football (perhaps soccer to you?), is 3 balls and 3 one-on-ones with the keeper. Rank is in goals first, then your time. That any clearer?
Dr J · June 14, 2006 at 5:51 pm
I always though it was that we don’t mind chaps being good at stuff (i.e. Gentlemen) but rather looked down the nose at those types that actually tried to get better (Players, Colonials, Foreiners… you know the sort…)
Dr J · June 14, 2006 at 5:56 pm
Bugger! That should read “I always thought… ”
Damn that publish button. Oh and “foreigners” as well. Or is that “forreigners”… Bum. Now I’m all confused and hot.
As you were.
Pimp · June 14, 2006 at 10:02 pm
The bleep test is definitely not for gayers.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · June 14, 2006 at 10:29 pm
Dr J – like being beaten at something by Chav?
Pimp – De bleep test be fo’ de gayers, can you dig it?
Pimp · June 14, 2006 at 10:49 pm
Me dig de comment and me blog now allow de comments from de non-blogger mo-fos
Four Dinners · June 14, 2006 at 11:42 pm
The Dragon always said second is first loser. Sod that old cow, well done mate. To get under 10secs empty yer lungs n it’ll be down in under 7 secs max.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · June 15, 2006 at 1:42 pm
Pimp – mash it up, rude bwoy.
FD – So if I breathe out first I can drink more quickly. I shall test this hypothesis this very weekend…
karilyn · June 18, 2006 at 6:37 pm
is the bleep test like swearing like a trooper or a running thing?
as you can’t loose a swearing test as well dude that’s like unforgivible
badgerdaddy · June 19, 2006 at 7:22 pm
You, sir, fucking ROCK.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · June 19, 2006 at 10:00 pm
Karilyn – the only swearing is at the end when you think your lungs are coming out of your nose.
badgerdaddy – hello, and why thank you.