There are a number of unwritten rules when you’re out with the boys.

Some are pretty juvenile, like which hand you’re allowed to drink with, and “bags not’ing” when the discussions begin for who’s round it is.

But some of them are serious matters, like the protocol for when one of the lads has begun to woo a young lady. Essentially, if one of the boys has begun chatting to a woman, and he thinks he might have a chance, then she is officially off-limits to the rest of the group, unless;

1. He gets formally blown-out.
2. She makes it clear that she likes someone else in the group
3. The boy in question makes it clear he is no longer ‘interested’.

As I’m sure you can imagine, if either 1 or 2 occurs, it generally becomes a 3 by the time we hear about it. You can tell it’s a 3 as it will usually include the line, “I think she might be a lesbian”.

This rule has been adhered to very well over the years, and as such there have been very few disagreements about women.

However.

This weekend people seemed to forget this rule. Perhaps it was the weather. Perhaps it was the amount of flesh on display at the various drinking establishments we frequented. I don’t know. What I do know is that the rules were cast aside by a few of our group and the ensuing disagreements have led to a few new nicknames.

The Cuckoo has now made it his modus operandi to wait until a ‘nest’ has been well and truly ‘feathered’ before making his move when you’ve gone to the toilet. His move may involve the sentence, “you do know he’s gay right? Come and have a dance with me instead.”

Mussolini, so-called due to his penchant for the ‘muscle-in’, is much less subtle in his approach. This will involve dancing with you and the girl you are trying to impress as if you have become a threesome. He will introduce himself and essentially muddy-the-waters as any one-to-one conversation becomes impossible. If you’re no longer involved in a one-to-one conversation this can be read as a 3 and she is officially back in play.

If this behaviour continues, there may be trouble ahead…

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