Before I start, I think it’s worth pointing out that I fucking hate Hippies.

Not the free-love and casual-sexing ones, they’re OK, and fun to meet at parties. I mean the Earth-Mother, chakra-cleansing brigade. If you’ve ever met one, you’ll know exactly the type I mean.

We have one at work. She comes across as a little ‘kookie’, by which I mean she dresses like a day release mentalist and has a constant smile that could only be induced in a normal person by a sizeable cocktail of drugs and drink.

Oh, and she claims to have Special Powers.

By Special Powers I mean that she thinks she can read peoples fortunes, and does something called Raiki – which I now understand to be something to do with faith healing – and not a Martial Art as I’d first thought when I heard it mentioned. She looked a me a bit funny when I asked her if she could punch a two-by-four in half (she still kept the smiling though).

I had been suffering with a stiff neck when she offered to help relieve the pain through the use of Raiki. I didn’t want to be punched in the throat so I politely declined (though she’s small, the constant smile suggests she’d slit your throat as soon as look at you). She then explained the process of laying her hands on me to channel energy through my body in order to relieve the pain I was suffering.

What did I have to lose I thought?

As I sat at my desk she stood behind me and rested her palms on my neck, focusing on where it was particularly stiff.

“Can you feel it getting warmer?”

“I guess so”, I replied, as having a hand on your neck is warmer than not having a hand on your neck.

“I’m sensing some blocked energy here you know”

“Eh?”

“I can sense you’ve got a lot of energy, but it’s being blocked. It will take some serious Raiki sessions to free it all I’m afraid”

“Never mind, this’ll do”, I said wanting it to all be over.

“How’s the neck feeling? Any better?”, she enquired.

“Exactly the same”, I replied truthfully.

“It’ll probably take a couple of hours for it to properly take effect”, she countered, giving herself the perfect excuse for her failure.

When the Ibuprofen finally took effect she said that Raiki was the reason, and then claimed a victory for faith healing. Tonight she will consult the all seeing eye for me, and tomorrow she’s promised to bring in some crystals that can predict the future.

Like I said, I fucking hate Hippies.

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Before I start, I think it’s worth pointing out that I fucking hate Hippies.

Not the free-love and casual-sexing ones, they’re OK, and fun to meet at parties. I mean the Earth-Mother, chakra-cleansing brigade. If you’ve ever met one, you’ll know exactly the type I mean.

We have one at work. She comes across as a little ‘kookie’, by which I mean she dresses like a day release mentalist and has a constant smile that could only be induced in a normal person by a sizeable cocktail of drugs and drink.

Oh, and she claims to have Special Powers.

By Special Powers I mean that she thinks she can read peoples fortunes, and does something called Raiki – which I now understand to be something to do with faith healing – and not a Martial Art as I’d first thought when I heard it mentioned. She looked a me a bit funny when I asked her if she could punch a two-by-four in half (she still kept the smiling though).

I had been suffering with a stiff neck when she offered to help relieve the pain through the use of Raiki. I didn’t want to be punched in the throat so I politely declined (though she’s small, the constant smile suggests she’d slit your throat as soon as look at you). She then explained the process of laying her hands on me to channel energy through my body in order to relieve the pain I was suffering.

What did I have to lose I thought?

As I sat at my desk she stood behind me and rested her palms on my neck, focusing on where it was particularly stiff.

“Can you feel it getting warmer?”

“I guess so”, I replied, as having a hand on your neck is warmer than not having a hand on your neck.

“I’m sensing some blocked energy here you know”

“Eh?”

“I can sense you’ve got a lot of energy, but it’s being blocked. It will take some serious Raiki sessions to free it all I’m afraid”

“Never mind, this’ll do”, I said wanting it to all be over.

“How’s the neck feeling? Any better?”, she enquired.

“Exactly the same”, I replied truthfully.

“It’ll probably take a couple of hours for it to properly take effect”, she countered, giving herself the perfect excuse for her failure.

When the Ibuprofen finally took effect she said that Raiki was the reason, and then claimed a victory for faith healing. Tonight she will consult the all seeing eye for me, and tomorrow she’s promised to bring in some crystals that can predict the future.

Like I said, I fucking hate Hippies.

No tags