The idea had been a good one. Get a nice big cottage in the middle of nowhere so we can send our mate off to get married in style after a weekend of extreme sports and ever-so-clever verbal abuse.
Until we arrived at the cottage that is.
I was under the impression that pre-fabricated buildings had stopped being built after the war? (That’s WWII, not the Korean, Vietnamese, Falklands, Iraq, or Iraq II).
Clearly not.
The cottage we were housed in looked as if it had been built in a weekend as part of some reality show watched by the daytime-TV-viewing unemployed masses. I was genuinely concerned it might blow over in the first decent breeze, never mind the howling gales that are common place in this part of the world.
I read the welcome notes, and was less than impressed when I heard about the drinking water;
“We should like to make you aware that all our water comes direct from our own Mountain Spring (as is stated on our website) – i.e. we are both traditional and hip – It has passed through a filter and ultraviolet light before it gets to you and is completely pure. No chemicals have been added. We hope you enjoy it.”
This does not instill me with much confidence. Surely this is how they live in Africa? Bob Geldof is doing everything he can to eradicate this level of poverty, yet I’ve been bamboozled into paying £200 for the privilege of drinking what is essentially, pond water.
I am used to my water receiving a thorough dose of chemotherapy and going through at least 15 Londoners before it reaches me. I’m not sure that a session on a sunbed is really going to cut it.
I retire to make a cup of tea, but not before checking that we have sufficient stocks of toilet roll to deal with the dysentry I am expecting to contract in the next few days.
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Oli · May 23, 2006 at 7:42 am
I went to a cottage in spain once where we had been told water was passed through a filter then treated with sodium chloride and acetic acid (with added vitamins and minerals).
Coming from a slightly scientific background of schooling i instantly realised that what they were treating our water with was something id much rather have on my fish & chips.
Ranting Dullard · May 23, 2006 at 8:51 am
What the hell is that all about? Drinking that would give you typhoid. Havent they heard of this? Just ‘cos it comes from a mountain they think its ok. Goats shit on mountains. Mountaineers piss on them (well maybe). Yuck yuck yuck.
Katy Newton · May 23, 2006 at 8:58 am
You’re back!
*cuddles Angry*
Sorry. It’s a constant struggle to keep my hands off you. I can’t win all the time.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · May 23, 2006 at 9:09 am
Oli – they treated your water with Mayonnaise?
RD – we actually saw a dead sheep in a stream whilst walking, I hadn’t thought I could be drinking it later, eughgh…
Katy – I’ll accept a virtual cuddle as I’m still in holiday mode (until the 10:30am magt meeting at least). Thanks.
Oli · May 23, 2006 at 12:28 pm
Salt and vinager, though now you mention it…
BoyOnTop · May 23, 2006 at 12:52 pm
What ever happened to the British stiff upper lip and stomach’s of iron (so long as everything’s boiled…)?
Admin comment by Mr Angry · May 23, 2006 at 4:50 pm
BoT – ’stiff upper lip’ could lead to ‘major dose of the shits’ in this case…
Four Dinners · May 23, 2006 at 6:18 pm
Prefab? Prefab? Luxury! When I was a lad we had nowt but a shoe box t’live in n me dad beat us wi razor blades every night…
Sounds like you had a ball
Admin comment by Mr Angry · May 23, 2006 at 6:40 pm
FD – it wasn’t all bad – watch out tomorrow and Thursday for more highlights of the trip…
z · May 23, 2006 at 9:13 pm
Don’t be a wuss, pure spring or well water is a treat and you will hate the chlorinated stuff afterwards.
Oh, no, sorry, I take it back. No wuss would ever drink pre-digested London water. You are a brave man but rightly concerned that real water might be too much for you.
Have a splendid weekend and remember that plenty of alcohol is the best remedy for dodgy water.
karilyn · May 24, 2006 at 2:14 am
sure isn’t why it way invented … the spirits as there was like no other way to distill it, well they could not be arsed boiling it!
whiskey = bad water (direct translation from the irish word for whiskey)
Oli · May 24, 2006 at 7:41 am
You could have bottled a load up on sold it off, people pay loads to drink sheeps piss.