I’ve moaned about the Tube before, but there was one element I’d completely forgotten about when it comes to using our capitals public transport. Mainly because we hadn’t yet reached the warm weather.
That element is the dreaded Tube Bogie.
You know the sort, they’re much like you’d expect to see if you’ve been snorting coal. Given enough time, you could gather enough raw material to manage a decent charcoal sketch from just one nostril. The warmer and drier it is, the worse they become.
(Actually, before I go any further, I just want to check, it’s not just me is it? I can almost picture you all reading this going, “what’s he on about? My bogies are clear as crystal, look, I’ll just have a quick rummage to check”)
OK. Phew. It’s not just me then.
So would it be possible for someone to please invent a nice air conditioning system for Tube? I’d like it to take the temperature down about a dozen degrees and rid the air of the underground smog that makes my nose rockets resemble black toenail clippings.
In Japan they’ve taken to wearing face masks when the smog gets too bad, and though I tend to think it makes them look like the crazy fuckers that they are, I’m beginning to think that maybe they’re onto something?
Is looking like a cunt too high a price to pay for clean bogies?
Oh, and I’m off to Glencoe in Scotland in a couple of hours for a long-weekend stag-do (they don’t get black bogies up there), so I’ll be back on Tuesday.
Please talk amongst yourselves in the meantime.
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7 comments
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Sooz · May 19, 2006 at 7:55 pm
Tube bogies?
I live in the country but I once marshalled in a car raleigh (?) race and found that I was washing black from my nostrils for weeks afterwards!
Bogies – they’re made from inhaling substances right?
Filtering debris?
So… living in London you get errr… tube fumes?
And me – living in the country… I get cowshit?
Oh great!
karilyn · May 19, 2006 at 8:28 pm
post nasal drip….. uick!
listen blow the shit out and breath easy
speaking of nasal problems did you hear of the new trend to spray surfaces with wd40 so that things can’t be snorted from them, makes powder into mush…..
z · May 19, 2006 at 9:07 pm
Try living in the country and coming to London occasionally. You don’t just get Tube Bogies, you hack black phlegm from deep in your unprepared lungs
Sorry, that was disgusting. I hope you were not just eating a jelly baby?
Katy Newton · May 20, 2006 at 3:15 pm
*ahem*
Some of us do not have any bogies at all.
Some of us have lovely shiny clean nose innards.
I thank you.
Four Dinners · May 21, 2006 at 11:41 am
I used to think the Bogey Man lived up me nose when I was a kid. I used to try lookin’ up me nostrils in’t mirror. Don’t bother now. I wouldn’t see him through the hairs..
Have a good stag..
Oli · May 22, 2006 at 8:01 am
I miss the morning posts, I think future vacation time should be voted for or against by your regular readers.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · May 23, 2006 at 9:47 am
All – I was missed, how touching. Perhaps next time you could all emphasise how much you’ll miss me, and wish me gods speed for my return? No?