Instant messaging is becoming increasingly commonplace in offices around the country, and generally speaking, I think it’s a useful addition to the IT productivity tools that are available to us; Like email for communication, the Internet for research and Solitaire for keeping the brain in tip-top shape. I used it in a customer meeting once, and the instant response I received from head-office impressed the client almost as much as my dazzling presentation. So much so they decided to buy more products from us on the spot. So I’ve always had a soft spot for IM.
It does however have it’s drawbacks.
On Friday I received the following IM:
Dave: Do you need that report before lunch?
Dave: Just I was hoping to go to the pub because the weather is nice
Dave: It is a nice day after all
Dave: What do you think?
Dave: Angry?
Dave: I know you can see this, can I go to the pub?
Dave: Everyone is going to the pub in a minute
Dave: Is it alright if I go too then?
Dave: Angry?
Dave: Why are you ignoring me? Lol!
He’s right of course, I have been ignoring him. I don’t like Dave, as he’s very stupid, he spends most of his days here completely bewildered, much like Jade Goody at a Mensa conference. The ‘Lol!’ was the last straw. I stand up from my desk, look Dave straight in the eye and put on my best serious-business-person face.
“Dave, I am sat four feet away from you. You did not Laugh out Loud. What you wrote was as funny as a burning orphanage.”
“Yeah, but you were ignoring me.”
“Deliberately so Dave, why would I expend any energy writing to someone who is within punching distance?”
“I dunno Angry, but MSN is great, you can’t put smilies in a conversation can you?”
I have no response to this. Dave frequently leaves me at a loss for words. If he became any more stupid we would have to start watering him twice a week. In this case, trying to convince him of the value of proper human conversation is like explaining quantum physics to a Labrador puppy, the rapt attention they afford you gives the impression the concept is going in, but in reality all they’re hearing is, “blah blah blah blah blah blah, Dave, blah blah blah”.
I explain he can go to the pub once he gives me the report. This is a five minute job for anyone with the ability to tie their own shoelaces.
He looks forlorn, but fifteen minutes later he leans across the divider between our two desks, puts the report down and goes to the pub. With shoelaces untied.
Some productivity tools help you through your working day. Some just destroy the art of conversation. In Dave’s case, the ‘art’ is more like the scribbled finger-painting of a retarded child, so I really don’t enjoy talking to him. If he didn’t work for me I’d rather he didn’t talk to me at all, but as I don’t want to talk to him, and certainly don’t want him messaging me from four feet away, he’s unfortunately destined to remain in my bad books indefinitely.
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Ranting Dullard · May 9, 2006 at 7:47 am
At last! Somebody else who loathes the acronym ‘LOL’.
I very rarely laugh out loud. Maybe a good road traffic accident or a celeb dying. One wouldnt write it in a letter, so dont use it on the web.
HAHAHA is ok by me. Or better still, ‘Im not laughing at your pathetic attempt at humour’.
BoyOnTop · May 9, 2006 at 8:26 am
Sounds like a sacking offence to me. Get thee to HR and begin the procedure, you know you want to… Go on…
Katy Newton · May 9, 2006 at 8:27 am
Did you know that “lol” also stands for “lots of love”, Angry?
nf girl · May 9, 2006 at 9:27 am
I am guilty of the “lol”
I also rarely laugh out loud at my desk. Sometimes I crack a smile, or else I just get all teary trying not to laugh.
xxxxx
Admin comment by Mr Angry · May 9, 2006 at 9:49 am
RD – “INLAYPAAY” has a certain ring to it I think
BoT – If I thought it would work I’d do it. I think he must be related to someone high up.
Katy – INLAYPAAY
NF – why not just send a ’smilie’ then? Though annoying, it’s nowhere near as bad as ‘lol’.
Ranting Dullard · May 9, 2006 at 11:02 am
No No. Its all shit. We have a wonderful language, lets use it.
Mind you, I am the cunt who uses punctuation makrs and refuse to abbreviate on my text messages.
nf girl · May 9, 2006 at 11:09 am
I do send smilies when I smile.
Although, I often use winks as well, and I never wink in real life. I don’t know how so I just end up squinting in an odd way.
I tend to use LOL when I am laughing on the inside.
xxxxxx
greavsie · May 9, 2006 at 11:13 am
LMFAO
*runs*
Chairwoman · May 9, 2006 at 11:13 am
Just popped over from Katy’s comments board to give you a much needed hug x
karilyn · May 9, 2006 at 12:02 pm
cause me not like work….. me is student so i can get away with laughing out loud… cause i do. lol is so easy to type near the return key, it’s like says read that. like take no offence mr. angry.
i need a job for the summer any ideas anyone….
i don’t want hard work as i’m tired of helping the sick and the lame, the junkies and children (medical/pharm end, none of that social work bs … basically i shove the meds into the people) . should i lie and tell them i’m not in uni so they think their getting a full time employee. people treat summer workers like shit so should i even work? like have enough experience to get job when graduate and i’ll earn good money then but i don’t know what to do with myself this summer
Admin comment by Mr Angry · May 9, 2006 at 1:19 pm
RD – abbreviate, abbrevaite, abbreviate. Why such a long word?
NF – I had an ex that couldn’t wink. She just looked a bit like a window-licker when trying to.
Greavsie – *chases Greavsie to hand back his fallen-off anus*
Katy’s Mum – er, thank you? (I find it very difficult to be rude to peoples mums – it’s my achilles heel)
Karilyn – Want a job as my Virtual-Minder, keeping virtual-women away and to stop them virtual-hugging me? It doesn’t pay a lot but is very rewarding.
Davo the Bawbag · May 9, 2006 at 4:05 pm
*ahem* lol and indeed
I don’t have a problem with instant messaging on a home PC, but the introduction of MSN Messaging as a “business tool” in my work has been one of the worst decisions ever.
Quite apart from it’s stopping people from actually speaking to each other, it is flaky and unreliable at best, yet cunts in my work now bleat on about it being “an essential business tool” when it inevitably falls over for the 50th time that day.
Oh dear, having been to a seminar about Windows Vista today, I feel an IT related rant coming on….
d34dpuppy · May 9, 2006 at 4:42 pm
lmao also means lick me all over…
Admin comment by Mr Angry · May 9, 2006 at 4:59 pm
Davo – Messenger can be good, but not if they’re sat right in front of you. Didn’t realise we had smilies available here!
d34puppy – I much prefer your acronym
Katy Newton · May 9, 2006 at 6:24 pm
But my intentions were good. I am unappreciated. I may cry.
Four Dinners · May 9, 2006 at 8:00 pm
Ahhhh, that’s what LOL means. I’m just old n stupid n my daughter just gave me a ‘look’ when I asked her….
Admin comment by Mr Angry · May 9, 2006 at 8:22 pm
Katy – My apologies (please don’t tell anyone about this, I have a reputation to keep)
FD – There’s many many more where that came from. But only if you’re what’s known as “with it”
William Board · May 9, 2006 at 8:39 pm
“I dunno Angry, but MSN is great, you can’t put smilies in a conversation can you?”
He’s got a point. When HR inform you via IM that you’re being made redundant what better way to soften the blow than a thoughtful sign off with a sad smiley.
Katy Newton · May 9, 2006 at 9:00 pm
*perks up*
I understand. You like the hugs but you don’t want anyone else to know.
I would wink subtly at this point, but I can’t wink, I can only screw my face up into a sort of gurn. So I won’t.
lloyd · May 9, 2006 at 9:27 pm
Four dinners, I’m the same. Thought it meant Lolly. I could never understand why people wanted to eat lollys when I told them my stupid stories.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · May 10, 2006 at 8:19 am
William – Do you know something I don’t? (This is rhetoric, I’m sure there are lots of things you know that I don’t)
Katy – I’ll settle for a really big blink.
lloyd – I worry about you…
William Board · May 10, 2006 at 3:35 pm
“Do you know something I don’t? ”
Remain Angry and not concerned – an innocent indefinite pronoun was all it was.
Oli · May 11, 2006 at 8:02 am
I a user of lol im afriad, and yes I have had the unfortunate situation where one of my male co workers threatened to report me to HR if I kept coming onto him as he thought I was saying ‘lots of love’ way too much.
Instant messaging can be a very useful tool in the business workplace, mix it in with Msn Plus and you can forget about sifting through all those bloody read receipts in outlook as well!