My car needs an MOT.

After a brief search of that there t’internet I find a local garage that provides a While-U-wait service. I book my car in and drive over at lunch-time so that they can do whatever it is that they do during an MOT test.

Whilst in the middle of doing whatever-it-is-that-they-do it becomes completely and blindingly apparent that the While-U-Wait notice at any form of commercial organisation, whether it be a Garage, Opticians or Cobblers, means exactly the same thing. It means we have somewhere for you to sit whilst we dawdle around doing whatever-it-is-that-we-do.

It does NOT have anything to do with the speed of the service. It simply means that they don’t mind if you hang around drinking their acrid coffee and reading three year-old What Car magazines whilst your service is rendered or your product prepared.

The garage I selected has a large window into the service area so you can see the progress of the work on your car. I’m sure this would be very useful if I had any idea what goes on during an MOT. I am also convinced that this is a one way mirror like in the movies, as there is no way anyone would work as slowly as my mechanic does on my car if you knew you were being watched by the owner. I assume his occasional glances at the window are to check his hair in what must seem like a mirror, as my exasperated demeanor no more than an inch from the glass does nothing to speed up his work.

It would be much more accurate if in future these signs read, “MOT’s while U Wait, but certainly no quicker than if you were to fuck off and come back this afternoon”.

After a 105 minute lunch break I return to the office and the accusatory glances of my colleagues.

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