Everyone likes a good yarn. I know I do. This wonderful world of ours has some great tales of true-life bravery to be told. The Iraq War (both). That Jewish Girl who hid in the loft. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy. All are strories which we have heard through the medium of Hollywood movies.
Where would we be without the holywood movie? Relying on history teachers, that’s where. And lets be honest, the teachers of today aren’t a patch on a decent DVD.
Which brings me to my next point. Movies based on true stories. I can understand a bit of artistic licence when it comes to things like Sparticus and Robin Hood. They can’t hire an advisor to give them accurate facts on how the actual events unfolded. And most movies aren’t fortunate to have written evidence like the diary like that Jewish girl kept, or the book that Bilbo Baggins wrote, to confirm all the accurate details of how events unfolded. Unfortunately, the Hollywood machine has taken a new approach when it comes to ‘filling in the gaps’.
It’s known as the phrase, “based on a true story”.
What this actually means is this; something happened, we’ve used the peoples real names, and we decided to see where it went with the scriptwriters.
This is something I’ve only just learned, as previously I’d assumed that “based on a true story” meant, “we’ve changed some of the dialogue to make it cinema friendly, but the core story is 100% true”.
I watched a film at the weekend which took this to a new level, so I’ve done a bit of research to see just how many of these “true” stories are actually a complete load of bollocks. Below is my summary.
The Perfect Storm
Premise – Economics force brave sailors/fishermen go fishing in bad conditions, they have many adventures including a shark on deck with many herioc episodes along the way before finally succumbing to a massive wave during the ‘perfect’ storm, and alas, the crew is lost.
Reality – A bunch of fishermen went fishing and never returned. Oh. And there was a big storm a couple of thousand miles away at the time. They’re probably living in Mexico.
Open Water
Premise – Two divers are accidentally left behind on a dive trip and spend many hours trying to stay alive despite the circling sharks. Much tension ensues and ultimately they’re eaten.
Reality – Two divers were accidentally lost. They probably drowned.
Wolf Creek
Premise - Three travellers go on an Aussie Road trip and are lured to a camp-site by a seemingly helpful mechanic. He then proceeds to torture the two women including a gruesome death for both, and a couple of intense hide-and-seek episodes. Somewhat fortuitously, the guy escapes.
Reality - Guy claims he was drugged and escaped a camp-site that was never found without having a clue what happened to the girls. He probably murdered them himself.
Do you know of any alleged holywood true stories that are basically a complete crock of shit?
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David Hadley · April 28, 2006 at 1:19 pm
‘Do you know of any alleged holywood true stories that are basically a complete crock of shit?’
All of them. The ‘true story’ thing is just a marketing tool, nothing more.
That is – apart from this film – which is 100% accurate and true to the real events, as you will see.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · April 28, 2006 at 1:34 pm
Hello David – is it out on DVD yet?
Matt · April 28, 2006 at 1:40 pm
What about U-571, when those crafy Americans captured the Enigma machine? Except the way I remember it, the Yanks had sod all to do with it. It was the British Navy. Not that I’m bitter, but fuck off Hollywood.
And Mel Gibson, you can fuck off too. Braveheart, my arse. Read a fucking history book.
Simon · April 28, 2006 at 1:52 pm
Listen, we sent out convicts to Oz and we sent our most crazy religious types to America. Is it surprising they developed in a nation of people who live in a fantasy world?
Yeah, I knew based a true story was bullshit (being a screenwriter, you’d expect me to). The best one was the film Fargo, by the Cohen Bros. Says its a true story, but its total fiction. I suppose they’re haing a little joke at the expense of “True Story” films.
The actor who played the evil car salesman even asked where he could read up about the real events, only to be told they made the whole thing up.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · April 28, 2006 at 1:58 pm
Matt – I’ve not seen U-571. Bloody Yanks!
Simon – That’ll be William H Macy I assume? I quite liked Fargo, even more now I’m in on the ‘in’ joke. Those crazy Cohens eh?…
William Board · April 28, 2006 at 7:01 pm
Yeah, what about the one that features a fat retard who can’t string a sentence together and is pug ugly who gets the blonde bombshell only we find out he’s married to an ex-hairdresser and here’s the twist he’s actually only one down from being in charge of a country which has a bunch of homicidal maniacs let loose from prison who are planning murder and mayhem while he’s planning to bump off his boss and install the second in command (not the official second in command because that’s him) and to add to the suspense there’s only 24 hours to save something or other…
Sorry, you did say the crock of shit that should be a Hollywood story
nf girl · April 28, 2006 at 7:34 pm
Pretty Woman is my favourite true hollywood story. It is beautiful.
*sigh*
Admin comment by Mr Angry · April 28, 2006 at 7:39 pm
William – now you’re dealing in the realms of fantasy, at least mine had an element of fact.
NF – This is called ‘creative avoidance’. Get back to your packing!
I always thought Julia Roberts looked a bit whoreish.
William Board · April 28, 2006 at 8:43 pm
“now you’re dealing in the realms of fantasy, at least mine had an element of fact”
Point taken.
What about the one that featured an
electro-magnetic challenged -trust no offence caused by this description – working class hero who overcomes tremendous obstacles in his life to rise to the highest office of State before he falls arse over tit when a femme fatale enters his world.
I think it was called “Who’s the Daddy?” but although supposedly true it was definitely a crock of shit.
Four Dinners · April 29, 2006 at 5:08 pm
The Magic Roundabout’s true. My nan told me when I was 5 n she never lied. I even had a rabbit called Dylan but he didn’t seem very stoned to me….
Katy Newton · April 29, 2006 at 6:07 pm
Strictly Ballroom! That’s a wonderful true story.
Yes it is.
Yes it is.
Yes it is yes it is yes it is shutup.
Ranting Dullard · April 30, 2006 at 6:10 pm
I liked ‘Life of Brian’ but that was made by Brits.
I did see a good true story a while back, and it was made by Americans. It was called ‘Jesus Christ. Vampire slayer.’ In it JC was a kung-fu master, aided by 2 lesbians in bikinis and a masked wrestler they fought off vampires. I found it thought provoking.
Sooz · April 30, 2006 at 10:02 pm
lololol Katy!
There was a prog on tv tonight that said it was ‘a true story’ because they’d got lots of bits of real stuff and stuck them together.
The Impressionists.
(and they had paintings to prove it! ;o))
I want to believe it’s real.
And what about Midnight Express and Papillon?
Admin comment by Mr Angry · May 1, 2006 at 4:18 pm
FD – I’m sure the writers thought it was true.
Katy – Is that movie of BBC’s hit pro-celebrity dancing programme?
Ranting – I shall keep an eye open in Blockbusters for that one.
Sooz – The Mike Yarwood life story was on TV?