Sunday morning saw “The greatest and most popular Marathon on earth” take place on the streets of our fair capital. I find the term “greatest and most popular marathon on earth” a bit misleading though. Firstly, it implies that it’s great. When in actual fact, it isn’t. Far from it. It’s a truly dire spectator sport, right up there with bowls and croquet, and a fucking dreadful misery to complete yourself. In fact, it’s a bit like calling Guantanamo Bay “The most popular alleged-terrorist holding facility on earth”. Perhaps factually correct, but misleading nonetheless.
I watched it for a little while during the morning. Not so that I could warm the cockles of my heart as the self-promoting do-gooders raised countless pennies for charidee, but in the vain hope that I’d see some C-list celebrity break down crying or have some sort of coronary episode. I would’ve even settled for a Paula Radcliffe style I-absolutely-positively-must-have-a-shit-right-now moment.
Unfortunately I got to see none of this during my hour in front the TV. Instead, I had to settle for commentators trying to get a quote from the running C-Listers.
“How’re you finding it?”, asks the commentator momentarily jogging alongside the pop-star/presenter/wannabe.
“Hard work, but we’re doing a lot of good for [insert charity of your choice here], and that keeps me going! See you at the end!”, replies the C-lister.
This is such a load of sanctimonious old bullshit that I can barely contain my loathing. Anyone who has ever done a marathon will know full well that the only thing the attention-grabber really wanted to say to that commentator was;
“Fuck off will you, I think I’m having a heart attack and I need a shit. If I didn’t think it’d harm my [record sales/acting career/chances on Big Brother] I’d have fucking dropped out miles back. I’m in fucking agony and if you don’t get that fucking microphone out of my face I’m going to shove it up your fucking hoop!”
And then there was Sir Steve Redgrave’s attempt to break the world record for fund-raising during through charity running. He finished in 5 hours 29 minutes. Let’s put that in context shall we. 26 miles in 329 minutes. That’s 12.6 minutes per mile, or in proper English, 4.7 miles per hour.
The average human being walks at around 4 mph, which suggests that, the greatest living Olympian walked most of the course. Which in my book is cheating. Well, OK, it’s not technically cheating as such, as there were people doing the course on those funny bikes with no pedals and stuff, but still, it isn’t really in the spirit of the event now is it?
Did you sponsor Sir Steve? Do you feel cheated? Personally, I want my tenner back.
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10 comments
<< Baaaaaa
Ranting Dullard · April 25, 2006 at 7:51 am
Charity is for cunts. If you are a mong, deal with it, dont go asking for my spare change. And marathon runners? Too skinny. Never trust anyone who is too skinny or too fat.
Growing Up · April 25, 2006 at 10:02 am
What gets me is when people dress up in stupid costumes that way a ton and expect to run 26miles as if the run isn’t bad enough.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · April 25, 2006 at 10:08 am
RD – I don’t mind the odd charity collection, but deffo believe it starts at home!
Growing up – I feel sorry for the guy at the back of the pantomime horse. And the guy they overtook in the home straight.
Matt · April 25, 2006 at 10:18 am
There was that twat who ran it in a diving suit last year. It literally took him five days. The muppet.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · April 25, 2006 at 10:26 am
Matt – the same guy did it in a full suit of armour this year as it was St Georges Day, what a fucking moron.
US · April 25, 2006 at 10:53 am
Not as bad as the bloke who ran 26 marathons in 26 days. Doesn’t anyone what happened to the first ever marathon runner?
NF Girl · April 25, 2006 at 3:48 pm
Angry, are you running the marathon for Vodafone?
Four Dinners · April 25, 2006 at 4:06 pm
An old mate ran in a London Marathon. Never saw him again. Someone said he jumped in the Thames as the interviewers started ignoring him even though he was dressed as Daffy Duck. I think it was Sue Barker who asked him why n he said “Fuck knows”. Someone said it was Barker who pushed him in. The wife thinks I should have a go as “It’s got lots of weird people in it”. Thank you dear.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · April 25, 2006 at 4:54 pm
NF – eh?
FD – I’ve thought about doing it just to sprint to the front and then drop out like those pace-setters at the Athletics. I bet you could get loads of sponsors for that.
karilyn · April 25, 2006 at 8:33 pm
marathans suck (well except the old fashioned ones that were renamed snickers) i hate all the shite because yes it’s an achievement but it fucks the body up. was told in a lecture in nueropharmacology (try saying that fast) that in the past the crappy running shoes and the pounding of the runner caused the skull and the brain to like impact each other and cause brain damage. …. so if they were not mental starting the goddamn run they were ending it.