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Placenta with fava beans and a nice chianti
8 Comments · Posted by Mr Angry in Celebrities, Current Affairs
Tom Cruise, the dwarf Scientologist and ‘Maverick’ in Top Gun has decided he’s going to eat the placenta from his girlfriend, Katie Holmes – the fit one from Dawson’s Creek, no, not the blonde one who died, the other one – after the recent birth of their daughter.
They had a baby called Suri on Tuesday, and because it’s apparently full of vitamins (the placenta, not his baby) the not-really-gay-now-I’ve-had-my-own-baby-with-a-proper-girl midget wants to eat the thing which has spent the last nine months providing nutrition for his, until now, unborn child. Essentially, a human organ will be dispensed from Katie’s front bum and Tom will then chow down like in Chinatown.
This is sick.
I know that some animals do this in the wild, but that’s simply because they don’t have an easily accessible Waitrose, or opposable thumbs. What’s Tom’s excuse? If he’s hungry I’m sure a nice lamb hotpot would provide just as many essential nutrients, without turning the stomach of most of Earths human population. Surely what he’s doing is called cannibalism? From memory this is still illegal in most countries around the world, even if someone expels the meal directly from vagina to dinner plate for you to eat.
I watched Hannibal last weekend for the second time, and this placenta story instantly reminds me of Anthony Hopkins eating Ray Liotta’s brain while he’s strapped to the chair. Did the dwarf have a camping stove at the foot of the maternity bed ready to fry off the placenta with a few shallots and some white wine? Did he have to rustle up some steamed vegetables to go with it? Or did he just invent the PLT sandwich? I want to know.
I’ve never seen a live birth but I’ve seen and heard them on TV, and I’ve never felt hungry either hearing or watching it. At what point do you go from looking at a women in excruciating pain and a baby covered in all manner of shit, to
“I’m starving, what is there to eat in here? Aha! Someone bring me a hot skillet and a spice rack, it’s dinner time!”?
This has done nothing but convince me that Tom Cruise is mentally unstable, and should be locked up for his own safety and the continued enjoyment of movie go-ers everywhere.
And fathers, please stick to handing out cigars in the waiting area and eat well before you get there.
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8 comments
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Ranting Dullard · April 20, 2006 at 10:11 am
Yes, he is vile. A stunty little cunt and make no mistake. I dont even fancy his wife and that is saying something cos I’ve had some right pigs in the past. I reckon he is an arse bandit.
Growing Up · April 20, 2006 at 11:40 am
Each to their own but i couldn’t watch my hubby do that. How disgusting.
BoyOnTop · April 20, 2006 at 3:04 pm
What ever happened to nice names like Ethyl or Gurtrude? Suri, what is it? Is it Hebrew or is it Persian, can’t they make up their minds?
As to eating placenta, saw it done once (grew up on a commune for my sins), made me ill to watch…
Admin comment by Mr Angry · April 20, 2006 at 5:44 pm
RD – the news will out that she was pregnated by someone else eventually. Deffo a gayer.
Growing up – my sentiments exactly. Except the husband bit. Cos that would be weird. Wierd-er.
BoyonTop – I went to school with an Ethel. I’m not 75 either. And did you puke at the placenta munching?
Sooz · April 21, 2006 at 12:03 am
I shared a house with someone who showed me pics of her at Christmas eating what appeared to be a bowl of cherries.
Raw placenta. Very festive.
It’s really meant to be good for you – truly. But viler than vile! And I could never do it – the thought makes me heave!
Isn’t there some legislation with disposal of placentae?
Sooz · April 21, 2006 at 12:05 am
Oh and I quite like Mr Cruise’s face.
But if he told me I should not make a noise whilst giving birth to his sprog… I’d scream like a Banshee! (whatever one of those is!) just for effect. And using as many ‘f’ words as I could muster.
I would like to slap him and tell him to ‘get real’!
Admin comment by Mr Angry · April 21, 2006 at 1:29 am
Sooz – Would you like it if his face was facing your navel? I’ve decided a Scientology rant is needed…..
Davo the Bawbag · April 21, 2006 at 10:57 pm
Tom Cruise makes me angry.
Very, very angry indeed.
This is how angry he makes me:
Upon meeting famous people, my instinct is generally to fly into rage of unspeakable violence that only ends when one or both of us are dead.
It’s just as well I don’t meet many famous people, really.
However, Cruise makes me so angry, my mind would be overcome by the myriad methods of painful death I’d want to inflict on him, that I’d be left standing there, gaping like a fool.
No doubt the cunt would saunter past, give me his “winning” smile, playfully sock me on the shoulder and say something like “how you doin dude?” Then I would no doubt die and go to hell.