Last Thursday I was looking at the forecast for the fast approaching weekend, trying to decide whether I wanted to play golf or not on Sunday morning. Though obviously a rugged outdoorsey type of blogger, I don’t like getting cold and wet. So I browsed the BBC weather site and looked at the BBC five day forecast. In nice easy to understand terms it informed me that on Sunday the weather would be :
This is good. It was brief and fairly self explanatory, just how I like it. However, looking closer to home the forecast for that day said this:
When in actual fact it is doing this:
This is shit.
I am not even asking them to predict anything. They don’t have to read a satellite picture. They don’t need a Masters Degree in Meteorological Studies. They don’t need to be John Kettley. In order to get the weather assessment correct, right now, they just need to look out of the fucking window. Right at this moment. Now.
I could that job.
Then they warn us about global warming and abrupt climate change. This sounds bad. They seem to be able to predict with unerring certainty exactly what the temperature will be in the summer of 2056, right down to the fraction of a degree celcius. The last time I saw a comparable level of confidence on the outcome of future events was when Fat Jim went on the pull with a pocket full of Rohypnol.
Yet somehow, despite this Mystic Meg type clairvoyancy, they can’t tell me whether or not I’ll need an umbrella this afternoon. What a load of old toss.
Anyway, I played golf on Sunday. And got wet.
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15 comments
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Matt · April 5, 2006 at 8:05 am
Remember that the Met Office is actually based in Bracknell. Which means all the real weathermen have got lost in a maze of roundabouts and underpasses, and the forecasts are currently being generated by a single mum called Doreen and her 15 bastard babies.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · April 5, 2006 at 8:33 am
Matt – that sounds more than plausible, but as I’m pretty close to Bracknell, perhaps she could’ve looked out the window??
US · April 5, 2006 at 11:02 am
“The last time I saw a comparable level of confidence on the outcome of future events was when Fat Jim went on the pull with a pocket full of Rohypnol.”
Genius.
Dr Clip · April 5, 2006 at 3:37 pm
All weather girls should wear bikinis.
This would negate the need for an accurate weather forecast, since everyone would be at home waiting for the next bulletin, to fit in a quick shuffle after the 6′O’clock news. I can hear it now…
“Tonight it’s getting warm and wet down south”
Yeah……. you bet it is bitch, talk to me some more… mmmmmm
doctorvee · April 5, 2006 at 5:44 pm
Just think yourself lucky they didn’t predict this:
It’s cloudy. And raining. Andsnowing. And sunny.
I’ve never seen any real weather like that.
doctorvee · April 5, 2006 at 5:45 pm
Doh. I meant this: http://www.bbc.co.uk/weather/bbcweather/images/symbols/17_sleet_shower.gif
Admin comment by Mr Angry · April 5, 2006 at 7:48 pm
Welcome Doc – I guess that covers all bases eh? I expect the lazy bastards to start using that one more often…
William Board · April 5, 2006 at 8:04 pm
“Though obviously a rugged outdoorsey type of blogger, I don’t like getting cold and wet”
“I picked up a Cheese Salad from Tesco’s”
Don’t want to cast aspersions here but I’m begining to sense a little disconnect. Get a grip man if you harbour any ambition to graduate to a grumpy old bastard.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · April 5, 2006 at 8:13 pm
Bill – I can call you Bill? I am currently a grumpy young bastard, and I’ve every faith that nature will assist me in my metamorphasis into Grumpy old bastard in the coming years.
Oh, and I have a salad once a week, the other days I eat raw meat, and babies and stuff.
William Board · April 5, 2006 at 10:04 pm
You can indeed call me Bill.
Apart from a minor deviation (best not to mention the salad again) you seem to be shaping up nicely.
Now pay keen attention to what I’m about to tell you. Nature has got nothing to do with eroding one’s innate inclination to spread the milk of human kindness and thus maintain a joyful disposition.
It’s people, always people that chip inexorably away at the thin veneer we refer to as tolerance.
So I will give you a piece of invaluable advice to speed you on the cantankerous journey that stretches out before you.
Actively search out those individuals who patently have shit for brains.
They exist in huge numbers within the political sphere but also exist in exceedingly large numbers within most sectors of government agencies, local authorities, Council marketing departments etc. Those absolute bastards at Capita deserve a very special mention of their own.
I thoroughly recommend a weekly call to your local council to enquire as to why… they haven’t swept your road this year/…installed huge fuck off plasma TV screens in their reception which then display an unchanging notice the size of a post-it-note etc etc etc. The list of enquiries is of course endless.
By the time your call is finished you will have visibly aged. This torturous exercise will hasten the aim of every young grumpy bastard which is of course to graduate to that blissful state of old grumpy bastard.
Good luck.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · April 6, 2006 at 8:15 am
Thanks Bill – perhaps you could be my Obe Wan?
James · April 29, 2006 at 4:32 pm
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Monika · May 5, 2006 at 4:37 pm
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kipetok · May 14, 2006 at 9:47 am
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James · May 24, 2006 at 4:19 pm
The Met Office – who supply the BBC forecasts – are actually in Exeter.
The weather symbol – as it says on the page – indicates the “predominant” weather for the twelve hour period, and it’s the forecast that was issued that morning by the Met Office, not an observation of what’s happening “now”.