Give a man a fish, and he’ll eat for a day. Or so they say. But, give a man a name tag and he’ll be a shitbag forever.
There is something about the name tag that makes people drunk with power, the irony of feeling powerful in a job that requires a nametag is clearly lost on them.
A recent example of my brush with a nametag Nazi:
I arrive at a restaurant, I have no reservation. His nametag reads “Marco – Head Waiter”. He smiles smugly and tells me they are full, but I can wait 30 minutes for a table if I like. I reluctantly agree. I’ve waited no more than five minutes when another couple arrive, also ’sans’ reservation. They are seated immediately. I am obviously more than a little miffed about this.
“Why did they get seated? You said you were full?”, I enquire politely.
“I a managed to squeeze a them a in a as Meesta Simons and his a wife are regulars”
“So you lied, you weren’t full, you were just waiting for someone better than me?”
“Is a not a true sir.”
“Then why weren’t we ’squeezed’ in? You managed to squeeze them in. Why weren’t we squeezed in? I’d have been happy to be squeezed.”
“I am a sorry, but in a ma role as a Heada Waiter I have a to give a priority to a my regulars.”
“But they weren’t here. We were. We were sat right in front of you. Waiting.”
“I don’t a make a the rules, that’s a just the way it is.”
“Don’t quote Bruce Hornsby at me you smug twat, you might not make the rules but you do enforce them with a level of gleeful tenacity normally associated with Gary Glitter at a McFly gig.”
“It is a ma job to look after our regulars, of which meesta, you are not a one.”
He then gave me that patronising ’smile’ again, when what he’s clearly thinking is “Fuck off you despicable shit, I wouldn’t help you now if you were locked in a small room with James Blunt and an acoustic guitar.”
All I ask of you all is this. Look down. Is there a name badge on your chest? Yes? Well just don’t be a complete cunt about it.
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7 comments
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Matt · March 23, 2006 at 7:49 am
Next time you go in, you should wear a name tag of your own: Mr Angry – Psychiatric Ward Patient 29302. You should get a seat in no time.
NF Girl · March 23, 2006 at 10:00 am
But the real story behind this is –
Were you on a date Mr A?
Admin comment by Mr Angry · March 23, 2006 at 10:14 am
Matt – Good idea, perhaps splattered blood may add a touch of authenticity too?
NF – Maybe…
Sooz · March 23, 2006 at 8:33 pm
Oh Mr Angry!
You must read this http://www.waiterrant.net/ to see t’other side of the coin.
I’m astonished that he didn’t produce a miraculously ‘empty’ table though. Good waiters can do that.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · March 25, 2006 at 3:38 am
Sooz – I’ve had a look, good site, but it appears he doesn’t wear a name badge, so all bets are off.
muppet · March 26, 2006 at 9:38 am
I can’t stand any cunt that gives it the fucking Hornby [sic]
Btw, what cunt did “You’re the Voice (Crying Understanding)”?
Soz about the little “[sic}”.
And all the “”.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · March 28, 2006 at 1:32 pm
muppet – fuck knows – but he sounds like a cunt.
“[sic]” makes you sound like the fucking grammar police, who are just cunts without portfolio.